Last night, after I left the Tall Boy and the Naughty Professor, I came home and unpacked. I have these pretty yellow and blue glass dishes from the '40s, and I wanted to place them in the kitchen windowsill. Next to the plate of homemade wishes. I remember Marvin not allowing me to place those teensy cute plates in the windowsill, "because they'll fall." Everything was a potential TRAGEDY with Marvin. Something dreadful was going to happen at every moment.
"You know what? Fuck it," I said, and that should be my epitaph. So far you guys have about 11,000 things to write as my epitaph. I set the pretty yellow dish up first, and was reaching for the blue, when
CRASH!!!!!
It came down. Fell right into the sink. And ONTO MY NEW COFFEE POT. MY NEW COFFEE POT THAT I LOVE!
That damn Marvin.
When I moved here, you guys told me to make a wish list and you'd get me stuff off it and I'll be damned if you didn't. I think my favorite thing was my new Bunn coffeemaker. Oh, I just loved it. Now the pot. In pieces. Hence today's french press, followed by a trip to Amazon's site to see if I can get a replacement pot. Goddammt.
I freakin' put 'em up anyway, the little plates. I won't be kowtowed. Gonna get some earthquake putty today. And thank god I had a french press at hand. I also have an old-timey metal coffeepot, but could not find the plug. Keep in mind how MANY DAMN BOXES I had to dig through last night to find either thing. 'twasn't attractive. What coffee addiction?
So before all pot hell broke loose, I got up with the Tall Boy and Naughty Pro last night. One of them had a crisis that would make excellent blog talk, but said person did not SAY I could reveal his innermosts, and I am such a magnificent person that I will not. But suffice it to say we'd all be gathered 'round offering our opinions for a change.
Tall Boy looks like Disapproving Jesus, which I assure you is the look Jesus gets every time he thinks of me. "Oh, June? June Gardens? Yeah. [See look above]."
I know you may be wondering, "How did June DO all this with that cold?" and I was wondering the same thing about myself the whole time. I actually left work at 4:00, with the promise that I'd get something done this weekend, so I could nap and get my strength back for a night on the town with NP and TB. MY name should be TB, what with the hacking.
We had a good time, though, and I know they'll both enjoy the cold they caught from me. I'd invited Ryan to go with us, but he is sick with the same cold, and why don't you go ahead and be like everyone at work and assume Ryan and I made out at some point, like, say, when I time traveled to his age?
The point is, I wasn't feeling stellar and wasn't looking stellar, either. I mean, it's hard to quash this natural beauty but I think I managed to last night with my sniffing and so on. Also, I'd thrown on just anything once I emerged from my sick bed.
So naturally, that is why Area guy showed up right then. In he walked, alone and handsome, being all square-jawed and slightly unshaven.
"OH HOLY FUCK, IT'S AREA GUY!" I whisper screamed to TB and NP.
"?" said TB and NP, who are terrible blog readers. So I had to explain to them how for SEVEN YEARS I've had a crush on Area guy, even back when I was married, and how every so often I see him and turn into an idiot. I don't know if y'all remember, in your big book of June events, that I also saw Area guy back in October, at a bar, but I so did not care, because Ned heartbreak.
I mean, I still don't care, but I cared, you know, a smidge more. Every time I was ever with Ned and we saw Area guy, he'd say, "He just looks like a dude to me."
"He just looks like a dude to me," said Tall Boy, but Naughty Pro, Team Gay Naughty Pro, was on my side of things. He can see the appeal of Area guy, as can any person with any remote amount of taste, says June, insinuating that two men who have picked her at one point or another have, in fact, no taste.
Anyway, Wes grabbed my phone.
Here, in a historic moment never before seen on Bye Bye, Pie, is June's first picture with Area guy. Don't we make a lovely couple? Good lord, is that an AGE SPOT on my hand?
"Just looks like a melanoma to me."
Goddammit.
Love,
Jooooooon
