I'm trying to think of things that are more tragic than this moment. I'm trying to be as dramatic as possible. I realize starvation and cancer are worse than leaving your boyfriend on a beautiful day. And it is an absolutely beautiful fall day here, as it was the day we moved into that house. Kaye said, "So you have bookends."
We do. We do have bookends. I lived in that house exactly one year. We went through every holiday together, and fought with each other through all the major ones. Thanksgiving was good. We had a good Thanksgiving. But we fought on Christmas eve, we fought on New Year's eve, we fought on Easter. I remember Easter was also a beautiful day. We stopped fighting for a while and I asked if he wanted to go to the cemetery. In my family we go to the cemetery on Easter. I guess I just wanted to do what my family did, to remember what it's like to be around happy people. How ridiculous is it that you want to go to the cemetery to be around happy people?
After the trip to the cemetery, we went home and fought again.
I wanted this relationship to work more than anything in the world. I've never felt this bonded to somebody. But now I don't know that that bond was such a good thing. I think we bonded perfectly to each other's neuroses.
I don't know that I will ever be able to see Ned without lighting up inside. I don't know how I'll ever be able to break this bond, but now I sound like every '80s heavy metal song in the world. Break these chains.
I better go. I have suitcases and hampers and things in my car that I want to get to my actual house before the movers get to my old house. I'm so glad I have my house to come home to. It's like a sunny little friend that's been waiting for me all this time.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
