I wasn't gonna blog today, but then I figured someone out there desperately wants distraction from his or her family, so here is my gift to you.
I spent Christmas alone today, but don't feel sorry for me. It was fabulous. Plus also, am I ever really alone here? I am not.
eff yuu, mom.
Lu a Joo now. Dis suk.
Last night, I made a roast, and also mashed potatoes, and it was right then I knew that I had left my medium-sized pot back at Ned's. So that sucked ass. So I had to cook and mash one potato at a time, which was annoying. Don't worry, I'll get the damn pot back. It just seemed like this would be a bad time to call re that. I let the dogs sleep with me last night because it's Christmas, and then we got up and opened gifts.
Here's a gift from my mother that had pretty wrapping. I have no recollection what this was once I opened it.
Another pretty one. Mom's puttin' a bird on it this year.
She got me lovely earrings, and you can see I also got some bath towels in blue and white, and however did anyone guess that'd be the color scheme to go with?
Aunt Mary got me this necklace which I love love love love love.
Oh, and this is a good story. Just last night, after I consumed my roast and fired up a movie, I thought, Geez. I should have at least done SOME nod to Christmas. I decorated nonce, and I know you all tell me "nonce" is a dirty British word, but it works so well; I don't know why the British have to ruin my good word with their dirty minds. Anyway, this morning I opened this live centerpiece from my Aunt Kathy. The dang box read "Perishable" on it but I thought someone was just reusing an old box and thought nothing of it. The point is, I opened it and it was in fine shape, and then my Aunt Mary sent me my great-grandmother's candlesticks. And now all of a sudden I have such a pretty nod to Christmas! A nod that Iris is going to eat, but still a nod.
Foxy pajams! Cause I'm Foxy Brown. Foxy White. Relatively Still Handsome White. Crap.
Oh, and every year my friend Dot sends me (and only me) Christmas cards of her pets and not her kids. All the normal people get kid pics. First of all, how good-looking is her dog? Also too, this is year number two that wherever she takes Tug to get his portrait, the Santa on duty looks suicidal. I mean, you're SANTA and you get to pet dogs and cats all day. Take a Lexapro, man. Good lord. We all need to go do an interpretive dance and cheer him up or something.
Anyway, she sent these vintage earrings, which I also love love love. They're HUGE, and I think Ima pin them to a coat instead of wear them and get Buddha ears.
Oh, and one final picture. This was the poor receptionist when I went in to get my Botox this week. My doctor is what you'd call into Xmas. All told, she has, like, eight Christmas trees in her office this time of year. She even has a Hanukkah tree. Anyway, the part where I walked in and the receptionist was invisible is my new favorite thing.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas --
-- Ned is calling me. Holy cats.
