Bye Bye, Pie!

The one where I try to kill Iris

Every morning, and at noon, and then again at night, I am giving Tallulah a cacophony of pills in order to make her well. And along with that, I am of course worried sick about her, and the whole thing... Read more →

June decides to blame it on the boogie

This is the best picture I could get of Tallulah enjoying her a burrito last night. It's hard to feed your dog a burrito and take a photo at the same time. Need to go on Amazon and order the... Read more →

Update on Tallulah

The vet called. There's a growth at the bottom of her bladder that is either cancer or just a really bad infection. The vet is 50/50 on it. What we do next is give her a new antibiotic and see... Read more →

Taking Tallulah in for her ultrasound now

Results tomorrow. Have you ever tried telling a sick dog she can't have breakfast, when all her brothers and sisters are merrily chomping away at their delicious brown kibble? Talu feel like Olibyr Twists. I may be a pain in... Read more →

Old paint

I felt distinctly unwell this morning. "Maybe you're pregnant!" said my hilarious mother, and I'd like to once again bring up Shady Pines. But speaking of Shady Pines, my...lady time did not arrive this month. There was no flying of... Read more →

Animals are terrible people

I spread this afghan on the new couch, so Miss Sickly could get up and sleep on me. ("Specially handmade for you, by Grandma" a tag inside reads. Aw. Gramma. Knittin' me an afghan in the '70s colors. I am... Read more →

Sluttus Americanus

On Sunday, I technically had three dates. Here I am at the end of the day. I look worn out. I know, man. When you've got All This. I think what really lures them is when they find out how... Read more →

The one where it snows in North Carolina. EVERYBODY PANIC!

Dis offend Edzul dellikit sensibilitys. We had something of a storm. It's not so much how many inches we got, which is the story of MY life, but rather that after it snowed, it then hailed, hailed, the gang was... Read more →

Eight paws on my heart. What a jerk.

It's super cold and snowy here. And also too, remember when I put the computer in the back in November, when I wasn't thinking how this used to be a back porch? Yeah. Toasty. And don't feel sorry for that... Read more →

June sees the inside of a vet's office, for a change

Almost 10% of college graduates think Judge Judy is on the Supreme Court. I just read that in The Skimm. Do you guys get The Skimm? Subscribe. It tells you the news in little flashes and tells you why it's... Read more →

Brown-eyed girl

That damn The Poet just came by and brought me two boxes of NutThins, and there goes my diet. Not that I remotely was on a diet. I'm just telling you, NutThins are the shizz. She got me the cheddar... Read more →

The money Pit. Also, "ludicrous Puggle" might be redundant.

If you have your Big Book of June Events before you and open to page 859, you recall that Tallulah has a urinary tract infection, and as far as I knew she wasn't even seeing anyone, so. The doctor gave... Read more →

The one where Tallulah ruins June's whole Saturday

Ima go get the dog right now, then come back and nap because this was a stupid day. Tallulah had some health trouble today and ended up at the emergency vet, and I took a little video of her shaking... Read more →

Belle Waddling

Gone With the Wind was on TCM last night, did you watch it? I did. I thought I'd tune in to that movie for once, see what it was all about. Am I the only person who watches a movie... Read more →

Chico, don't be discouraged

I thought we'd just show film strips today, what say you? God, wasn't that wonderful, when you got to school and they just showed you film strips all day? My elementary school was an old, beautiful building that I never... Read more →

Hey, did you know Typepad was down?

I couldn't blog this morning. But I did get to take cute photos of Iris and her eyeballs at lunch. Read more →

June runs late; behold her new couch

I went to Target last night to pick up my dog's Prozac, and right there is the saddest sentence ever uttered. It's right up there with Hemingway's whole "baby shoes, never worn" story. The point is, I ran into Ned,... Read more →

June sees a psychic. Finds out the future. So after today you won't have to read this dumb blog anymore. You'll know what's gonna happen.

On Sunday, I went with my coworker Alex to see the psychic, the one from 2011. I don't mean the psychic was born in 2011, which would make her something of a prodigy. I also don't mean she's from the... Read more →

Hot B in da howse

Cat balance. Also, cats are part of your balanced breakfast. I had a date last night. I hesitated to blog about it, because I don't want Ned to feel bad, not that he remotely reads my blog. He's told me... Read more →

June's keyboard: 2014-2016

I am sitting at my writing desk, speaking into my phone while said phone is hooked up to the computer because it is only at 28% power. Hang on, I'm gonna get socks. OK, I'm back. These tiles are cold... Read more →

June is not dead

but her dang keyboard is. Am typing clandestinely from work. Will be with you in real life, from my real computer, as soon as I can. Since I can't talk much, I'll listen. What do you want to tell me?... Read more →

The pithy words of the humans

If you have a male dog--and I realize that for me, the term "male dog" is a loose one; I have a male dog in name only--you know how when you walk them, they have to pee 495 times, and... Read more →

Oh, just wear your pajamas to the store, I said. What can happen? I said.

Between you and me, I was feeling a little out of sorts yesterday. A little under the weather. A little peckish. Is "peckish" hungry? Okay, then not that. I was achy, and tired, and my insides were not happy with... Read more →

New year! New--oh, screw it.

Don't you wish Dick Clark were still alive so you could make fun of him and feel terrible about yourself? Now there's only Ryan Seacrest to make fun of, and that's shooting fish in a barrel. HELLO! HAPPY NEW FUCKING... Read more →