It occurred to me that maybe Tallulah and my vet are in cahoots on the world's most anticipated April Fool's joke. Wouldn't that be great? Dicks.
Last night I was proofreading my riveting statistics textbook, as I do, once the deadline is hopelessly near, and started taking selfies of Talu and me. Groupies. Petpees.
hay, mom, maybe you could let lu rest in peece. mom get it? do mom?
Anyway, after Tallulah threatened to join the cancer-y Witness Protection Program for dogs, the Bitness Protection Program, I let her be and assaulted the other animals. Because no one's more attentive to her statistics textbook.
edzul down wif attenshun. wy not try edzul? he heer. he heer! hullo mom.
o happee day. attenshun.
wat we lookin at?
leef lillee the eff alone, mom. lillee meen it. not in moood. not kidding, maddi.
Have you seen the "I'm not kidding, Maddi" thing? Some woman got a shrill email from Hilary Clinton, which isn't like her, saying, "I'm not kidding, Maddi, send me a dollar."
So, Maddi put this on Twitter or whatever the young folk do, and people started making memes.
I want you to know all of these make me giggle like an idiot.
That's it. I'm dead.
Speaking of dead, Tallulah seems to be doing well on her Piroxicam. That's what they give dogs with bladder cancer, to slow the growth of the tumor. They tested 69 dogs, and two had complete remission. Say, odds. Anyway, dogs on Piroxicam live about 195 days on it. Who's done too much Googling, do you think?
It's an NSAID, too, so it helps her with pain.
A faithful reader's dog, Pepper, sent Lu a stuffed toy. Any time we're somewhere you can pick out your own toy: the lobby at dog daycare, PetSmart, other people's houses, Lu selects a stuffed toy. When she was a puppy, she took an Airdale's stuffed hippo, and the woman whose dog it was said, "Oh, let her have it."
When she took it, that thing was bigger than her head, but she carried it out in her puppy teeth anyway. Here she is, above, at my mother's cottage, with Blue Hippo. And some ribbon she probably swallowed that's likely still wrapped around an intestine. She wasn't even one yet, Lu wasn't.
Anyway, she loves her new stuffed toy. She's been carrying it all over yonder.
I'd better go. I have to go to work, where I'm currently working on something having to do with luxury brands such as Tiffany, and I have to look at jewels from Tiffany and realize it's Valentine's Day and I got no man in sight, for the first time since 1996. This year, I feel like I might send myself something lovely from Tiffany with all my money, and maybe a big romantic plate of nachos.
In fact, I'm sorry to tell you that on Tiffany's website, in case you didn't know, they have a place you can send someone a "hint" from Tiffany. You can put the person's email address in, and then they ask for that person's name, so that they send a lovely animated post card type thing. Dear [insert name here]: June Gardens saw this and loved it. Just a little hint from Tiffany. That sort of thing.
I may have sent a few out to Dear "Buy Me Jewelry, Bitch."
"You sent me the flower ring twice," Ned wrote me back.
"That's God saying buy me two of them. Bitch." I wrote. I see nothing untoward about someone you broke up with five months ago buying you Tiffany jewelry. For the good times. All two of them. One ring for each good time.
I'm not kidding, Maddi.
