Didn't you think everyone's death stories yesterday were fascinating? I did. I wonder who I'll bug after I'm dead? Probably all of you. What's that behind you?
Also, I just noticed my Cheerios are being touted as "gluten free." Oh for the love. Remember when we were supposed to be excited that everything was fat free? And we'd eat 75 bagels a day to lose weight? NOW look at us. "I have 12 steaks a day, and I've lost 14 pounds!" You should all eat sensibly. Take a page from MY book. My increasingly larger book.
Since I weighed myself this weekend and got the big news, I've been desperately getting my 10,000 steps a day in. This guy at work, Fewks, discovered a pretty walk right near our building, a walk we now call the Fewks Mile. You pass all sorts of pretty houses and so on. I did the Fewks walk TWICE yesterday. I also weighed myself on the work scale, and it claims I've lost 12 pounds in three days, which sounds completely reasonable. I feel like maybe that work scale is a tad light in its loafers.
...I just heard chittering.
Lillee a burd enthooosiest.
Speaking of my cats, I feed them now in that little opening between the kitchen and this back room, and by "little opening" I do not mean a doorway, because that would be sad. I believe that opening at some point was an artist formerly known as a window, back when this room was a screened-in-porch.
The point is, I been feeding cats in that window nigh on eight years or so, but today I caught Iris's tail in the damn door when I opened the pantry right next to that little window. Iris usually has the teensiest sweet meow that rarely even comes out, and today it was
MEOWWWWWWRR!
when I closed her tail in the door.
Oh, I felt terrible. You know how you do something dreadful to your cat, and you follow him or her around like an asshole saying you're so sorry, and they just want to huff off with dignity? I kept picking her up and she'd huff off anyway.
Finally she forgave me enough to come to the shower with me. She likes to loll on the rug while I shower, I have no idea why. "I'll be right out, Little Miss Iris!" I sang to her from the shower.
And that is when I got out and stepped on her tail.
MEOWWWWWWRR!
Tune in soon for more Pet Tips from June.
All right, I gotta go. It's late, and the Needy Committee has commenced.
Talk at you.
Jooooooooooon.
