Bye Bye, Pie!

The Beagle has landed

So, as you know, if you've been following June's Big Annoying Book of Events of June by June Oh June, I was scheduled to get me a pit bull puppy this weekend, tentatively named Mrs. Flossie Fern StellaLuna Rosenkrantz. Last... Read more →

HotFlashDance

I just got my labs back. I'm officially menopausal. Hot. Read more →

Okay, shhhh

I am buried in work, both at work and at home with my freelance stuff. Ima take a few days off from blogging just to keep on schedule. The puppy will be here late Sunday (long story), and as soon... Read more →

Spotty spot

By the way, here are Flossie/Lizzie/Poppy's parents. Dad. So now we know where she gets her spotty spots. Mom. hullo. i be seeryus pit. heer be my big pitty face. not to fuk with pit. So, really, they BOTH have... Read more →

"Puppies!" June is Cruella DeVille.

What I did yesterday was schlep all the damn-ass way out to the country to look at puppies. As you do. Like, seriously, a long damn-ass drive into the country. But when I finally got there, it was like, Did... Read more →

In which a statistics textbook is ignored

This has been one of those weekends where I'm screaming from one thing to the next, and I didn't even mention to you I have another statistics textbook to proofread, and how much time on it do you think I... Read more →

Purple robe, purple robe

I just sprayed root cover-up on my legs instead of tanning stuff. Hashtag being a natural woman is hard. Edsel doing his guillotine impresh. One day this needy animal is gonna snap his head clean off. I realized it'd been... Read more →

June Gardens, first responder

Killing season is taxing. Speaking of which, Eds and I were in the park last night, after Chicken Watch 2016, wherein this time Eds put his paw up like he was some sort of pointer, a thing he almost never... Read more →

And now Junie Jo McGardens has jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge

Exhibit #28283a of why June should not be let out the house. If you have your Big Book of June Events before you, you may recall that about a year ago, I worked up ALL MY COURAGE and called the... Read more →

Chaos theory

I've been thinking a lot about why I got that puppy, who I STILL MISS and think about ALL THE TIME. Why'd I do that to myself? Ned used to accuse me of creating drama in my life, and it... Read more →

Karl Not So Young

Hang on. I'm trying my refrigerator oats for the first time. ...Mmmmm. Okay, this is good. Refridge oats: old-fashioned rolled oats, so, like, oats that think you shouldn't have sex till marriage. You know what I hate? When people write,... Read more →

June wishes you'd watch her whip and/or nae nae

Just now, when I let Edsel out for his morning constitutional (weee the edzuls of united states, in ordur to form more purfect onion...wut you mean it not onion?), when I opened the door, an enormous bird of prey was... Read more →

Edsel and the Pussycats

I charged my Fitbit last night, so now I don't know how I slept and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THAT? Also, I only remembered to put it on once I got here, to the computer, where it... Read more →

June talks to you while she does her makeup. Wait. June wears MAKEUP?

I'm all out of sorts today. So what better way to cheer oneself up than to do one's makeup!? I know. Deep. Let's do a day where we watch me do my makeup, and in the meantime I complain at... Read more →

835 Glorious Words

This is my favorite time of year, because, for example, this is the view out my kitchen window. Every hour I spend dicing and sauteing, I see this. I also have a view of this: I accidentally typed "dicking" instead... Read more →

June makes you do her decorating again.

What color should I paint the back room? Currently it's Sad Beige, a thing the previous owner seemed to stampede for. "Oh, is it beige or brass? Sign me up!" Here's the room itself. Look how horrible that door is.... Read more →

Stanley Steamer Saga

I had a puppy and now I don't, and I am devastated and it's all my own fault. "Hey, June, I know a woman who's got puppies. They were born under her porch and she raised them and got their... Read more →

Beneath my wongs

My hair made a little heart on the right side of my head. I just noticed it on the drive home from work just now. Anyway, I'm here. I'm back home after a hard morning plowing the hearth or whatever... Read more →

My iPhotos are acting wonky

I'll write you at lunch. Incidentally, in unrelated news, I abhor computers. Read more →

Lot's Wife rolls around in the woods, probably gets ticks. Smell that.

Yesterday, someone brought a puppy to work. I knew it right away, because the whole office changed, and there were squeals, and I said to myself, "Please let it be a puppy and not a human baby person." Nike. Way... Read more →

Let the innards be a surprise

Dear ProPusyEater, I don't see us creating a future together. Honestly, do men just 100% not understand women? Does the person who picked that for his OK Cupid screen name (then had the nerve to come look at my profile)... Read more →

Dear eHarmony, I hate you. Luff, June.

I need you to understand how much I hate eHarmony. I had a friend who joined it, and it would never be a site I'd have considered had he not joined and met an actually cool woman. I see it... Read more →

Xanadu, your neon lights will shine

Last night, there was a catfight. Just like that time Crystal and Alexis threw down. Did you note the whish of Iris' tail in these shots? Action shots, by June, wildlife photographer. Lily started it, which she's been doing lately.... Read more →

Work Hymor

Back when I was pretty persnickety about these things, like, college, when a man called a grown woman a "girl," I'd say, if she menstruates, she's a woman, not a girl. So does this mean I'm back to being a... Read more →

Crap

I miss Ned. Read more →

Oh my god

Who put three teacup piglets on my front porch!!?! Read more →