Dear ProPusyEater,
I don't see us creating a future together.
Honestly, do men just 100% not understand women? Does the person who picked that for his OK Cupid screen name (then had the nerve to come look at my profile) think any woman in America would be all, Heyyyyy! You seem like a gentleman! I wonder if I strike people as the type who'd love a ProPusyEater with one s? Oh my god, did he have to pick one S because the name with two Ss was taken?
I am over the men of our country.
ProSaladEater Ned came over yesterday, and I really felt like I looked cuter than that but what're you gonna do. Anyway, I know. Shut up. I swear we didn't Do It or anything. We went to go see my friend Molly play. Not House; she was playing her music at a little place in between our houses.
You know, now that I play House every day, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Although I had some brandy snifters some grownup got at a yard sale or something, and I'd forever be swinging a brandy glass around when I was playing house and always being Helen or Ginger, and not only was Helen or Ginger forever dramatically day drinking, she was also a pill addict in the form of Tic-Tacs. What I'm saying to you is my inner Helen or Ginger is pretty much flying her freak flag very close to my surface.
"So, that's it for animals around here, hunh?" he asked. Lily and Iris were on either side of Ned, like Ned was the library and they were lions. Edsel was in his bed in the living room. I moved the second dog bed in there so he could visit with people, like he's convalescing. (At first, Edsel was sleeping in Tallulah's dog bed, WHICH KILLED ME, but now he's sort of back to his own, so I moved hers out there. If Edsel's being too "Heer Blu! Heer Blu! Heer Blu!" you can tell him to go to his bed, and he does with a flump and a sigh.)
"I know. It seems empty, doesn't it? Even though there're three animals in here, which is more than anyone should have, really," I said.
"Well, there's a big personality gone," he said. It's true. Lu just took over so much of the house with her stoic self. I knew I'd miss Lu but man, do I miss Lu.
I don't miss the Alexes, though, because hello five days a week. The good news is that Alex gave me her pink sparkly Christmas tree. I wonder how she thought to give it to me? She got married, and she's Jewish now. No, no, no. I guess everyone doesn't marry the Jewish men. But apparently her husband is not at that into pink trees, which, WHATEVER, man, so now I own a pink Xmas tree. Look how organized she is, that she wrote "Pink Christmas Tree" on the box. I'd just have left it blank and let the innards be a surprise.
Which is kind of how I conduct my life.
eyeriss sinseerlee wish you get organized, mom. we not see eyye to eyye on dis.
eds luff mom way she are.
"Wow!" Ned said, when I got out the phone and snapped this photo yesterday. As soon as I pointed the camera at Iris, she sat up and posed, with her tail curled just so. "She's spent her whole life being a blog cat," I pointed out. Other than her time on that roof. Wasn't she the cat who was found with her siblings on a roof? It's sad when you've gathered so many pets that you can't remember their individual sob stories.
Hey, whatta you guys think about that Jo Malone perfume I keep considering? I got a scent strip in my Vanity Fair, which all sounds like a euphemism, much like ProPusyEater, I can't imagine what he's getting at. Anyway, I always sniff the scent strips (euphemism again), and I LOVED the Jo Malone Wood Sage and Sea Something or other. Sea Urchin? Sea Men? Sea Son'd Salt? Oh, hell.
Salt! Sea salt! Who doesn't want to smell like salt? I'd totally be Lot's Wife, literally! Anyway, it's $65, which I could spend on things like Tallulah's cremation, which I haven't paid off yet. That's how happy my life is right now. Perfume or my dog's cremation?
The thing is, it's been obsessing me for weeks now, this perfume.
Once in the '90s, I went to a boutique-y shop in Seattle and they had this sage green cat collar that had typewriter letters on it that spelled, "Meow." I so wanted to get it for Mr. Horkheimer, but it was $18 or something and I couldn't justify spending big dollars like that. AND IT STILL BOTHERS ME. Hork is in the closet now, being ashy, and I still want to get him that collar. It would have matched his eyes perfectly.
There were also these ridiculous pine cone earrings I saw at a gift shop after I drove through a redwood in Northern California, on my way to Paula's wedding, that I dearly wish I'd have bought. They were absurd, and she was having a fall-themed wedding, and I so would have sported those as her bridesmaid. I was wearing a deep red dress--tell me those pine cone earrings wouldn't have worked beautifully with that.
I wonder what things I've actually bought that if I hadn't, I'd still be haunted by them. I wonder why the hole in my soul is shaped like Jo Malone perfume. I wonder why two weeks without your hound feels like two centuries.
I hate that I already have to scroll that far up to get a photo of her. You know, I don't know that I've clicked on this picture at full size before, but I can tell she has pain face in this one. Her eyes got this look to them. Oh, my Talu. I know Austin doesn't enjoy this photo series, because he feels he has moobs, so this will bring fresh pain to Austin as well. That's what I do. I bring the pain.
Okay, ProPusyCollector, out.
