I had a puppy and now I don't, and I am devastated and it's all my own fault.
"Hey, June, I know a woman who's got puppies. They were born under her porch and she raised them and got their shots and stuff. You want one?" someone at work asked me.
Did I want one.
You know, when Tallulah got sick, my thought was, I will not get another dog, because I got two dogs when I was a married person, not really thinking I'd ever actually be an UNmarried person, and then Marvin left and there I was with two dogs and an old cranky cat.
And now here I am with two dogs and two cats and WHY, god? Because I love cats and dogs and I want all of them. So BECAUSE I AM A CRAZY PERSON, I schlepped out after work and to another town and met this woman with the puppies.
We'd spoken on the phone, and I'd told her how I'd just lost a dog and could I maybe try the puppy out for the weekend, see how it worked with my regularly scheduled dog, although I had the feeling Edsel would be fine. She said sure, and that another family in Randleman also wanted this puppy, so if it didn't work with me there was somewhere he could go. Then she made me SOPHIE'S CHOICE the two puppies left, and I picked the bigger and calmer of the two.
I couldn't even look the other one in the eye.
Here he is on the drive to my house. Dudes, this was the most chill puppy I ever met in my life. I think he was going to be enormous, and really cool and really mellow. Out of all the puppies I have ever met, I liked him best. He was so calm.
Edsel was, as I suspected, a charming gentleman for the most part. The puppy growled at him and hid behind Laura Ingalls Wilder, and Edsel didn't growl back--he was just as curious as shit. Lily sniffed him indifferently, and Iris had no idea why everyone was over at the bookcase, so she came on over and WALKED RIGHT ON HIM, because no one believes she's blind, but I'm telling you. Then she fainted and screamed and had 40 fits and jumped in the air and hissed on her entire way back down.
Puppy took it in stride. Did I mention chill?
And I don't have to tell you. I LOVED HIM. I loved him right away.
eds not shure
That puppy was gonna be the dominant one. He'd already taken Blu and Edsel was all, But! But..! Okays about it.
But I started to feel overwhelmed. What was I doing? Why do I have FOUR pets? What am I thinking? I already can't go on vacations because it costs so much to board two dogs. Everyone needs shots and food and flea meds and heartworm stuff for the dogs and WHAT WAS I THINKING?
I also think of moving from here sometimes, like to a big city, and I know it'd be impossible with four pets. I'd need a house and when will I ever be able to afford a house in a big city? And what if I actually ever meet anyone? And we want to get married? Hey, here I come with my FOUR PETS.
I was starting to feel like I was hoarding animals. I was starting to feel like I'd made an impulsive decision for a change, with my emotions leading the way for a change, and so on Saturday afternoon I called the woman and said, "Let's let the family in Randleman have him."
So that's where he is, and I checked today and he's doing GREAT, and I've been crying ever since. All day. I have triangle eyes. You know, where you cry so hard your eyelashes are triangles? I am so fucking sad.
When I handed him over, I said, "I love her so much." I know he's a boy. I think I was talking about Tallulah. Now I'm crying again.
I'm typing this fast and hitting post and I won't proof this. I'm too sad to read it.