Bonne Bell 10:06 Lotion p.m.
Let me tell you something. Work has been kicking my ASS this week, and it's not likely to get better anytime soon. So I was really looking forward to leaving work today and heading out to see Chris and Lilly, who live in the country. I love it there.
I did have some fun at work today (I'm writing this at night. Lottie is getting her final shots in the early a.m., and Edsel is getting his bordetella.) (I don't mean Lottie is getting some kind of shot that will kill her, although the temptation is there), when we decided to reenact this stupid picture that came with a frame. For no reason. Other than there is something deeply wrong with us.
Also, the guy who was supposed to bring the alphabet magnets to work for our important photo reenactment totally forgot. Some phony thing about having three toddlers at home. Pfft.
Even more sad, the art guys touched this picture up and made it even better, and now the woman who sits next to me has the original photo and our photo, both on display at her desk. Because deeply troubled. Did I mention?
Anyway.
So I've been stressed and exhausted and I'm grinding my teeth at night and EVERYONE IN THE PHOTO ABOVE has also got stress right now, but I knew at least I could head to the country tonight. When I take the drive to Chris and Lilly's, as soon as it looks country-ish, my shoulders drop. I feel so much better. I sometimes wish I had really moved to their little house they had for me, and kept renting out my actual house. Remember when I was going to do that? I think I would have loved living out there.
So, I had, like, one blissful hour with Lottie and Lilly and Chris and their daughter Zella, who was immediately afraid of Lottie and who can blame her. Lottie, who smells fear on people like a snake or a leopard or a shark or Judge Judy, barked loudly at Z every time that poor child got her courage up to look at her.
small chilrin do be suk, mom
C & L also have a large shiny black Lab, who...tolerated Lottie but really wished she was elsewhere. "That's how everybody feels about Lottie, except you," said stupid Ned, who I called later because of what happened, and I'm getting to it.
The point is, that hour in the country was the only peace I had this week, and as I was leaving I looked at my phone to get directions to home (I've been there 900 times and I can never remember because everything is GREEN and COUNTRY and it all looks the same.) I had, like, 48 texts and IMs and missed calls and so on.
YOU HAVE TO BE HOME AT 8:00!!!!! they all read.
I was all, what? I knew I had my online birthday party at 8:00, and I was IN THE BALLPARK of getting home right then, but if I was five minutes late, hooo care?
YOU HAVE TO BE HOME! GO HOME! Faithful Reader Stupid Annoying Fay wrote me.
Then I got mad.
You know, I've had ONE PEACEFUL HOUR all week, and it just ended, and can you not STRESS ME OUT about getting home for an ONLINE thing? I wrote. Because nice.
OH MY GOD NO, YOU HAVE TO BE THERE RIGHT AT 8:00!!!! She wrote.
Jesus Katie Christ. Well, I probably would. I kept driving through windy country roads, till I got to the train tracks, and there?
Was a stopped train. Stopped. Not moving.
I did a U-turn and went to the front of the train. I beeped and waved. The poor conductor opened his window.
"Yes, hi," I said. "I have to be somewhere."
I didn't dare tell him I had to be at an online birthday party.
"When will this train move again?" I mean, seriously? WHY???
"About 20 minutes," he said. He was practically chawing a piece of hay. I mean, WHY ARE YOU UNMOVING? WHY?
I got my GPS to give me an alternate route, and I
SCREAMED
home down windy roads, which made Lottie carsick, and made me slighty weepy, because WHY IS THERE ALWAYS STRESS? WHYYYYYYY? Why did this person club my knee?
So then I got home, and Lottie and Edsel acted like Lottie was Ashley coming home from the war, and I was just getting online to be all, I'MHOMEWHAT, when
ding!
My doorbell rang. The dogs were in the backyard, making out.
"Hello, June, do you remember me?" It was someone in a fire department t-shirt.
?????
"I'm one of the firemen you gave Sparkles to. Violet," he said.
VIOLET! Of the in-my-car Violets!
If you're just tuning in, four years ago I went to PetSmart for just one thing, so I left my windows down because I had Tallulah with me, and when I returned, there was a box on my front seat. In the box? A teensy black-and-white puppy who I LOVED and gave to the fire department because they were in need of a new firehouse dog.
VIOLET!!!!!
There she was, all grown up, in my driveway, along with cupcakes and a card from a bunch of you!
VIOLET!!!!!
wat da fuk
o shitz, DIS gurl again
Edsel was beeeeeeeeSIDE himself with the barking at poor Violet, whom he lived with for THREE DAYS, but clearly has forgotten. Lottie barked too, for no reason other than to be an idiot.
Eventually I brought him in, and he proceeded to bark out the window and Violet gave him the paw.
Oh, it was delightful. I mean, other than Bob Barker, above. We had cupcakes (also a surprise from readers) and we talked about Violet and we talked about how I found her and we just had us a time.
It was just when everyone was getting ready to go that I realized my shirt was on inside-out. And right then I knew.
Goddammit.
"Did you guys notice my shirt was on inside-out?" I asked, still trying to look cool.
"Well, yes, ma'am, we did."
Goddammit. I can't have nothin' nice.
But I got to see Violet!!!
Thanks, you guys. Thanks for my hour with Violet the swearing puppy. Best surprise ever.
P.S. at 8:51 a.m. Just got back from a FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVEN DOLLAR VET VISIT, so therefore Lottie is on her way to dog daycare for the morning, but not poor Edsel. I have to try her out there today, they told me, before I can board here there this weekend. Anyway, in a few minutes, look for her here.
