I had a dream that I was helping Jesus build a wall to keep out foreigners. I kept saying, "Really? Cause this doesn't seem like something you'd--okay. Hand me a nail. YOU'RE the carpenter, here, but okay."
Maybe I shouldn't have watched the RNC.
I also dreamed my cousin Katy (yes, I have a Katie and a Katy in my family. We're a wildly original people. There are also two Junes, and fortunately I am Little June) was getting married again, in some big old beautiful building, except the wedding was outside, so kind of like my wedding.
The point is, it was all very Irish-themed (she's Irish on her mom's side. Irish people always celebrate their Irishness, but you never see anyone being all French-Canadians! Yay! Which is what our side is), and she was serving
Thin
Mint
Ice Cream
Sandwiches
as the hors d'oeuvre before the wedding. Dear Next Wedding I Go To: Do that. I don't even know if those are a thing, but make it happen. Like Jesus's wall. Get the fuck away from me, be ye Mexican. I only like Americans.
Really, I should have read a book or something.
We should really bring back the "ye." Ye guys in?
In other news, a few of you recommended toys that would keep Lottie out of juvenile detention, so I got them, and they got here yesterday and is there anything better than Amazon? I know they abuse their employees, but hey, fast service.
Anyway. This one cube, which looks like an enormous square of cheese--and would that it were--has a hole where you hide treats in it.
LOTee just love cheese. Rully she do.
So, first I played with their new, like, big fishing line that has a toy at the end, and I really need someone to come film Edsel playing with that thing, because I know you all want me to just be RECORDING EVERY MOMENT ("Why didn't you take a picture of the grocery store clerk, June?"), but there is no physical way to play with the dogs with that thing and hold a camera. I'd have to strap on a GoPro (I'm a NoPro) or develop six arms like the goddess I am.
Anyway, he was BESIDE himself. And here's what he said. BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK!
Oh my god. He had a crazed expression, and ALL HE WANTED IN THIS LIFE was to catch that toy, and he did, and poor Lottie barely got to play with it at all. Finally I put him inside and played with just her, and you know what he said?
BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Goddammit, BARK!
I was totally Buffalo Bill outside, mocking him. Baaark. Baaaark.
I need to stop watching Silence of the Lambs and the RNC, both.
Anyway, then we went inside (my mosquitoes are terrible. Are yours? Even bug spray won't work. I'd call in some kind of service but I don't want them to kill the lightning bugs) and I got that cube, and Lottie loved it, except for the part where Edsel decided she could have no part of it. And then he strapped one on and got all manly about the sitch.
dis do be suk, mom
Eventually, he went outside and Lottie got the huge cube of cheese once more, and you know when you were a kid and your dad came home and you were in trouble? Jesus Katie Christ and his toolbelt.
He walked in so slowly and deliberately, and I like how he's trying to be tough while Lily brushes against him. It'd be like if a cowboy sauntered through the bar doors with a balloon bouquet.
But look at him! He's such a dick.
I was on the couch, holding the camera near the floor so I could try to capture this evil on film. He looks like a gay, rabid wolf.
And poor Lottie was just cowering, all Yes, sir. It's just not right. What is this shift lately?
LOTee few churr seem unsertin.
o fuk dat. it onlee matter of tyme.
So, basically, so much drama in the GSO.
My hair and I took a selfie after. Yesterday was an exhausting day. Basically I'm working on two huge projects that're coming to fruition on the same day. That day is nigh, which is a day between Monday and Pooh Day.
mom work skedule not as importint as Edz becomeeng magnificint master of howse. He master of all--hey, do dat be a kitty?
In fact, Edsel and I were on our walk last night, and we saw Ava's grandmother, who was trying to wave at me and unload groceries at the same time, and a big jug of milk toppled out of the back of the car. "No use crying over it," I said, and no one likes me.
Anyway, she told me Ava had an upset dog stomach but now she's fine, and that her housebreaking isn't going that well (Ava's, not the grandmother's), and while we were talking, their absolutely beautiful calico sauntered down the driveway. "Is she gonna come over here?" I asked.
"Oh, yes, she's used to big dogs." They have three dogs including Ava, one of which is this thick, solid Pit who lets Ava hang off his jowls. He's super cool. Gray pit. Oh, I love him.
Anyway, yep, sure enough, that splotchy-face kitty came right over, and Edsel?
Blew it.
Oh hai! Hai hai hai! How it hang? I do be Edsel, it so good to--may I sniff you a lot? A lot? Heer Edz snowt. May Edsz snurfle your--wear you go?
Which is pretty much how it goes whenever I meet anyone. "Oh, hello! Have you ever tried Ben-Wa balls?"
So.
Okay, then, I'm off to another relaxing day. Remember when all I did was proofread all day, and my biggest stressor was missing a comma? Remember those heady days? Oh, heady days. Heady days of yore.
Yore what?
June
