Ima have to call AppleCare, which always puts me in a sparkling mood, because my computer keeps saying, "Update your iTunes!" so I do, then it says, "Cannot locate your phone." And I'm all IT'S RIGHT HERE UNDERNEATH YOU. IT'S ATTACHED TO THE BACK OF YOU, YA MO'.
So that's something to look forward to, like Christmas.
In the meantime, kitten.
This is why you have to read on weekends, folks. It's when all the act-shun happens. Act-shun, I wanna live. Act-shun I got--okay, I'll stop.
He is a SWEET kitty. You can pet his kitten stomach, and he's friendly without being overbearing. (cough Lily cough)
You'll be stunned to hear Ned hasn't committed yet. "Let me talk to my uncle," he said. "Get his opinion."
"But you're leaving town for two weeks. I can't have this kitten here for two weeks without knowing where he's going. I'll get stupidly attached. I can't have three cats, Ned."
"Don't pressure me," Ned said, and I'd like to introduce you to my entire dynamic with Ned. He's probably out looking at younger kittens to see if they're a better deal. So, if he doesn't tell me anything today, before he leaves, I'm putting an ad up, and you are the first to get the offer. ANYONE WANT A SWEET BLACK MALE KITTEN?
Lottie and I went to PetSmart yesterday, where she jumped on just everyone so that's going well, to get kitten food and toys for Johnny Cats. For the first few hours, he was so disinterested in those toys that I was all, money well spent. Then last night he started batting at them and getting all sideways spider kitty over them, and there was great joy in the land.
I have taken 394949204 pictures of him and he moves too fast or is too black to capture on film.
Proceed
Ned came over not once but twice to look at the kitten yesterday, and the second time I decided he might as well make himself useful. "Help me walk the dogs," I commanded. I have Johnny confined to the back bedroom, and Lottie knows something's up. She flumps in front of that door the whole time I'm in there, always sticking at least one paw under the door, and sometimes two, and also sometimes we'll have Special Guest Star: Lottie's Tail under there, as well.
There is no way I'm exposing that poor kitten to the terror that is Lottie. Can you imagine?
So Ned took Edsel, and Lottie was really being a dick about loose-leash walking, because Edsel's never there when we do our walks, so having him there required that she strain to keep up with him, and pull to jump on him, and hover her claw just over his haunches. "I'm not touching you! See? I'm not touching you!"
Oh my god. So finally I told Ned to walk ahead and Lottie and I were gonna go in circles, like how the trainer taught me back when I had a trainer, till she walked nicely again. Which we did till I turned to butter, and here's where everyone's gonna talk about that terrible book and I CAN'T HELP IT, tigers turning to butter is burned in my brain from childhood, when we didn't think about how dreadful that book is that I won't even say the name of to avoid offending my new kitten.
Ned's new kitten.
Anyway, what Ned told me was two charming things. He walked out of my sight while I was circling with Lottie. He took off to find the footlights, I took off to find the sky.
And the point is, as I walked Lottie, who walks great once she's not In Search Of...Edsel, I didn't see Ned at all. What I didn't know is, Ned and Edsel eventually turned down a street Lottie and I had just been on, and we know this because once they rounded the corner there we were. But the point is, Edsel got the scent of Lottie and me, and Ned said he's never seen Edsel act that way. Tallulah was a real sniffer on a walk. She had Beagle in her, and her nose was to the ground the whole way. Edsel more or less just smiles goofily the whole way.
But not yesterday. Yesterday he was sniffing and zigzagging and carrying on. And when he SAW me, Ned said he never saw anything like it. He choked himself on his collar the whole way back. The other part is, when they rounded the corner and saw us, Ned was all, Heyyyyyy, who's THAT? And then he realized it was just me.
In the end, as we neared the house, Ned let Edsel go at the porch steps and I was still oblivious that they were behind us. Edsel tore over to me. He's such a good boy.
Edz luff mom.
Wait'll he finds out I got him a kitten.
