9:32 p.m.
It's Tuesday night, as opposed to TOOOOOOOSDAY AFTERNOOON. What is that song?
The songs of my childhood are sad. Why'd I have to grow up in the drug era? Couldn't I have grown up in the nice '20s, when everyone was drinking illegal hootch? Or how about the cheerful '30s, when there was no money so people drank dirt and old buttons or whatever?
Anyway, I'm writing you now because I have to leave early in the morning tomorrow and there JUST ISN'T TIME. I got got got got no time.
So, I didn't tell you about going to the headache clinic and being part of a migraine study, so now I can. I know! Exciting.
A few weeks ago, Jo sent me a link. She said for five long years, she thought I was her man. And she found out, I'm just a link in her chain. It was all very dramatic.
A link to a WEBSITE, see, about taking part in a migraine study. It pays, first of all, so yay, and the point of the study is they're going to give me a specific diet to see if it affects the level of my pain and the number of times I get migraine-y in a month. And they supply two meals and two snacks a day, for four months.
I KNOW, right? I think Ima have to cook, which, ??
So, today I left work early and headed to Chapel Hill, which contains no chapels that I saw and it wasn't that hilly. The whole time I was driving to the place, I was all, Why have I been here before, and then I remembered I had dinner with Marvin in Chapel Hill last year, and I'll bet you anything I made that hilarious joke then, too.
Finally I got to the campus of whatever the hell college is in Chapel Hill, and people around here act like you should just know all this, and there are a hundred million schools here and also hoooo care. So you'll ask someone where they went to school, and they'll be all, "In Boone" and you're all WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, EVEN?
So I got to the campus and was at a red light, and when the light changed my car stalled. I mean, I took ONE SECOND to turn the car on again and this BUS behind me started BEEPING at me, and I was all giving him the finger and yelling at him when he drove by, fucking asshole bus driver fuckety headed fuck.
I have no idea why I get migraines.
Anyway, after a LABYRINTH of a parking garage sitch and a RIDICULOUS walk to try to find the place, and Dear Campuses: Why do you have to be so dickly about things? Why so hard to find stuff on a campus? HUNH?
I have no idea why I get migraines.
I found the place, and answered 394924923949320 questions about my head, and got my vitals (I have shrunk again, which does not please me seeing as I keep gaining weight, which means I'm turning into a Shrinky Dink) and so forth.
The doctor came in, and I liked him right away. He was one of those dry humor people, and he seemed to find me amusing. I answered 495939249 more questions about my migraines. "Are you sick of hearing about people's migraines?" I asked him.
He paused. "I've been doing this for decades, and no one's ever asked me that," he said. "I guess I'm just used to hearing about them."
He asked me things no one has ever asked me before, like why the light bulb in the grass? Okay, he didn't ask me that, that doesn't even make sense, why would he ask me that? Are you touched in the HEAD? God.
Speaking of which, he also made sure I wasn't touched in the head. He did all kinds of neurological things to me, and he also asked me if I had a significant other.
"I don't," I said. "Do you know anyone nice?"
"Do you think you might be depressed?" he asked me.
Do I think I might be depressed. Some stupid MAN, who I loved to BITS, turned out to be a huge disappointment, and that was only after my whole MARRIAGE failed, and now I'm old and fat and shrinky-dinky, and I own a house I can't afford to keep up, and apparently I have Rosemary's BABY for a puppy, and my beloved Tallulah fell over dead from nowhere and YES. I might be a bit DEPRESSED.
I have no idea why I get migraines.
So, be sure to ask me a million annoying detailed questions about the migraine trial, but in summation, I keep a diary, a headache diary, and then in a few weeks I get my new diet and then
MY LIFE WILL BE TRANSFIGURED
and all will be well.
Dear Headache Diary: I was throbbing to talk to you. It was a real pain I couldn't get to you till now. It made my ass burn.
On the drive home, once I made it through the LABYRINTH that is that campus of wherever the fuck I was, I called my mother to tell her about starting the headache study. "Oh, how'd it go?" asked mom, who didn't really care, but whatever.
"Oh, good. You know I enjoy medical attention," I said.
"Or, really, any attention," said mom. I have no idea why I'm depressed.
While we were talking, I noticed I was driving right past Chris and Lilly's store, which is on this cute two-lane highway that's pretty and all country-ish and way more fun than the highway. That highway only leads to the danger zone. I need to get over that joke.
Anyway, naturally I stopped in, and Chris was just leaving for the day, so we stood and kibitzed for awhile and he promised to fill my yard with mulch, seeing as I can't afford a dang new deck yet but I can at least afford damn mulch. So that's exciting. I can't wait to mulch that over with him. There will be mulch ado about something. I don't know mulch, but I know I love youuuuu.
So now I have to hope I get a migraine so my headache diary is exciting. This will be the first month since I was 20 years old that I will get zero migraines, just wait.
I guess that's all I have to say about that. Oh! But when I was talking to my mother, I told her how I was starving and wondered why there was no fast food on those country roads, and we got into a discussion about which fast food place we'd LEAST stop at, and which would be our first choice.
"I'm not crazy about any of them," my mother said.
"I'd go with Long John Silver's, first and foremost," I announced.
"I'm not crazy about any of them," my mother said.
"Zaxby's would be my last choice." I really mulched over my choices.
"I'm not crazy about any of them," my mother said.
So that's where we stand, and I'm still not clear on my mother's thoughts on fast food, but what about you? What are your first and last fast food choices on the road?
Mulch on over to the comments and tell me.
Mulch love,
June
