Oh my god, Hazel is impossible to photograph. She never stops running around like a chilly fool. Until she's exhausted, and then she crawls up on your neck and purrs, and you can't photograph something on your neck.
Here she is eyeing Edsel suspiciously. kittee still not shuwer.
I went to PetSmart yesterday, for a change ("Do you think you go to PetSmart more than any other person on the planet?" Ned asked me yesterday, and I said probably. I think I've already made the joke that they should call it JuneSmart, and shut up. JunesMart. There. Now shut up really, for sure.) and got Hazel a pink covered kitty bed with a dangly toy in it,
along with two toy mice and two shiny crinkly toys. You know how you get toys for your pets, your ANIMAL COMPANIONS, and you bring them home and the pets go, eh? You know how that always happens?
Hazel could not decide which to play with first. And when I can't watch her, and shut her in that room, I hear her in there bopping everything around. I can't even find three of the four toys today, although I know they're in that almost-empty room somewhere. She even played with the bed's dangly toy. Who does THAT?
Playful. Active. Is what I am saying about this kitten. That black kitty I found was so docile, but this one? Yeah, no. Apparently the universe does not want to see me with any docile pets. Animal companions.
Also, that's what the universe is concerning itself with. My pet sitch.
So, I went to a cookout at Ned's this weekend. I know. I saw all of his family for the first time in more than a year. I don't know what all Ned told them about our breakup, but you know no matter what, you're always gonna take your person's side, so probably I am The Bitch Who Broke Ned's Heart. So I was kind of nervous.
But everyone was nice to me. His 16-year-old nephew told me I was weird for following his YouTube videos, but that kid is My People, and I think YouTube must have suggested him or something, because how else would I have known he was MAKING videos, and I could not help but keep abreast of that kid's hilarity. Anyway, hashtag look like a stalker.
Also, Ned made onion burgers and they were ridiculously delish. I brought pies (recipe: Get frozen pies. But them in oven. The end) and baked beans. "Oooo, how do you make them?" asked my mother.
My mother! Like she's never met me.
"You don't remember our old family recipe?" I asked. "You go to the store. You get cans of beans. You open them at home, and then you put them in a pot on the stove," I said.
My mother waited, as if there was more. As if I was gonna whip out my 11 herbs and spices.
"Then you put them in a bowl. Voila," I said. Or, waa laa. I love it when people think it's waa laa. Does not make me want to kill self repeatedly or anything.
The best part of Ned's cookout was that his nephew who now thinks I'm weird (news flash) saw a dead possum under the neighbor's gate, so naturally I went over there to look at it. It wasn't just merely dead. It was really most sincerely dead. He was not playing possum. He was a SKELETON, and his fur was puffed out underneath him, and
it
was
riveting.
Oh my god, it was gross and fascinating at the same time, which could also be said of seeing me naked, but fortunately I was not stuck naked under the neighbor's gate. Those were the neighbors who hated me for the "barking dogs" anyway, so good. You know perfectly well I do not just let my dogs bark endlessly in the yard. I call them in right away because it annoys me as much as it annoys anyone.
Well. Sometimes I let Edsel bark at the gaybors for just a moment too long. Especially if they're trying to have people over in the back yard. Fuck the gaybors. Hashtag. "The rabbit dog." Fuck the gaybors hard.
So that sums up my weekend. Now it's Tuesday and I have to go to work, which I guess we all do unless we're Real Housewives.
Don't forget to not wear white pants.
Helpfully,
JuneSmart
