Bye Bye, Pie!

Oh, good. I get to read about someone's trip.

I hate brunch. There's the part where you're expected to get up, WITH NO FOOD OR COFFEE IN YOU, and head to some crowded restaurant, then wait in a lobby for a hundred minutes. Then always--ALWAYS!!--some asshole party of 10... Read more →

House O' Hurr

Yesterday I got my 10,000 steps in, did 35 minutes of Tracy Chapman, and then sat down to watch Real Housewives with a bag of Fritos. And this is why I hate myself. Oh, also I walked Edsel yesterday, and... Read more →

Pit act-shun

Today's another Astonishing June-Hair Day. Iris can't even look at me. See what I did, there? I really need a new back door. The bottom's all rotted off, and have I mentioned how broke? What unexpected car purchase? What two... Read more →

Hurl-y Girl-y

You know I hate to complain. But I barfed. You know how I am about that. If you're new here, and really? Barfing is sort of my phobia. New paragraphs let you know how serious I am. I just assume... Read more →

Today I can't think of a title. Post-migraine fog.

I had this snappy plastic lid that I used to cover the other half of Steely Dan's canned food, as he eats half a can at a time. Correction: he WOLFS half a can at a time. There's no trouble... Read more →

Free puppies and a shot of tequila

Well, I'm back. That was a whirlwind trip to Michigan. Here is the last photo I took in Michigan. My mother and I were waiting at the airport, and I went to take a selfie, and she decided she'd "look... Read more →

At one with the nail salon. And food.

No human has eaten more than I did today. People have won pie-eating contests and they consumed fewer calories than me. I am home, in Saginaw, for what would have been my grandmother's 100th birthday. We decided to celebrate it,... Read more →

June gets on her soapbox

Lemme tell you how Ned has ruined me. In case you wondered, "Gee. How has Ned ruined June?" Today I was in the shower, and please try not to get too distracted by the hotness. Do you know she was... Read more →

June's deep secret revealed

The jig is up: I'm going to Michigan this weekend, and then again in November. Dear Person I Am Not Related To Who is in Michigan: No, probably not, re seeing you. When I DO get there, I get booked... Read more →

Pudding?

Would you like to know what annoys me? "Wait. June. Something annoys you?" When people use trite phrases. For example, remember in The Wizard of Oz, when they said, "Lions and tigers and bears--oh, my!" It bugs me when people... Read more →

But the liver and child reunion is only a motion away

I probably shouldn't be workout buddies with my ex-boyfriend, but so what. If you'll recall, from your Big Book of June Events, Ned was complaining of neck pain, and with my medical degree and minor in psychology, I determined he... Read more →

June's going to kiss you. She won't even wait.

I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to... Read more →

Hurr-icane

So, it's hurricane-al here. I mean, it's raining nonstop and also hard and the park is flooded and it's blowy out and Edsel won't pee. I had to walk into the yard with him this morning, getting my pajamas wet,... Read more →

June be stress

Yesterday the power went out--a thing that made Edsel scared and I don't know why other than that he could feel my annoyance, probably. He formed a letter C over his breakfast dish and wouldn't eat till I told him... Read more →

Sloe Gin. Take it easy.

This weekend, I went to this antique shop I like-- ...aaaaaand I just bit my canker sore. GODDAMMIT. I've been eating a lot of tomatoes, so naturally then I got a canker sore, and it won't go away, till finally... Read more →

Strawberries, mashed potatos and sharp cheese (or maybe tomato and onion pizza)

If you could eat only three foods for the rest of your life, what would you eat? Read more →

Removing the '70s bush

I know you're sick of hearing me talk about how I'm eating the flaxseed muffins I made myself yesterday, with whole-wheat flour, which who even knew that was a thing. But lemme tell you, I outdid myself. They.Are.Delicious. I've been... Read more →

June has a dumb day

The batteries have been dying on this keyboard for weeks, and every day my computer hysterically waves its arms at me and tries to grab me by the lapels so I'll listen. "Your keyboard battery is DYING. DO something about... Read more →