I just spent forever waiting for my toast to pop up outta my Hello Kitty toaster, and as soon as I gave up and sat down here, it popped.
Goddammit.
Anyway, thanks for your comments yesterday, and to those of you who left a tip! Also, if you signed in here as commenter csmith yesterday, please email me at [email protected]. Some of us have something we want to run by you. Literally. We literally want to run by you with something, It's a live bull. Okay, it isn't, but email me, will you? I tried you last night but worry that I went to spam.
Anyway. So yesterday I went to the eye doctor, and if everyone will open their Big Book of June Events to page 1893, you'll see that for years I went to this wonderful woman who was very mild-mannered but who traveled around going to roller coasters. Then, because I have turned into my grandmother, her secretary pissed me off, so last year I huffed all the way...across the street to the eye doctor there.
Once I got there I realized the annoying insurance thing that first secretary told me was true everywhere, so at first I was all, wow, I should go back to Roller Girl, but THEN they got me IN there, and had all this highfalutin equipment, and wow! Yes. I stayed.
They took me to a computer and had me stare at this back-and-forth picture of a field, a summer field, if you will, which always sounds like when someone mispronounces my last name. My last name that HAS NO "I" IN IT, THERE'S NO "I" IN TEAM AND NO "I" IN SOMMERFELD NOT THAT THAT'S MY REAL LAST NAME I'M SO IN DISGUISE WITH JUNE GARDENS, woo!
Then they did the puff of air? At the eye doctor? But it's no longer a puff. It's a light.
There's a li-ii-ght. Certain kind of light. That never shone on me.
THEN they did other things that did NOT involve dilating my eyeballs, and that right there is worth the price of admission.
When the doctor bustled in, he washed his hands and looked at my chart. "Fifty-one? Let me just congratulate you. Fifty-one? You don't look anywhere NEAR 51."
That right there was worth the price of admission. I know I already said that, but come on.
My vision hasn't changed, except my close-up vision is even WORSE this year and who knew that was possible. He said my reading glasses may change from 1.50 or 2.00 in the morning and all the way to 2.50 at night.
Let me get the popcorn and pull my chair closer, June. This.Is.Riveting.
Somehow I mentioned having an ex-husband, I don't even recall how, and he said, "Did you say ex-husband? What kind of an idiot would let a good-looking woman like you go? Is he crazy?"
That right there was worth the price of admission.
Anyway, I drove home with 10 free contacts, and woooo! They told me to call when I need more, but to tell you the truth, I get my contacts from David, the guy adjacent to my old eye doctor across the street. He, too, has told me I'm lovely.
June. Shopping at places that compliment her. Since 1972. When I was a kid there was one meat cutter at the grocery store who always called me "Shorty." It was my opinion that he knew just who I was, and couldn't wait to see me every week, so I'd insist we return weekly to the inconveniently placed "Shorty," which is what I called the store. (Mom, it was in Fort Sagianw Mall. I think it was a Vaicio's.)
Now that I'm a mature adult
I know that that guy probably called EVERY kid Shorty and gave them attention while their moms got the ground round or whatever.
However, my eye doctor and glasses salesperson reserve these compliments only for All This.
In other news, while I don't want you to be up nights worrying, I do believe I'm getting a cold. My boss, Thousandman (yes, he's my boss again. Keep up.) has been out sick all week, and I don't think he's called in sick in the five and a half years I've worked with him.
Now I'm riddled with his disease. I must have been held in his armchair.
I have to go. Wait, let me see if I took any photos of pets last night...
Ohhh. Look at my muffin. Iris so pretty. Wif her tawny nose part.
Okay, I'll stop.
Sincerely,
Jwan
P.S. cmith, don't forget to email me!
