You may not have noticed, but yesterday was Halloween. Well, it was. Sorry if it slipped your radar. Anyway, several of my coworkers dressed as Griff, my curmudgeonly coworker. They all have his best sayings on a stick, plus they all got white coffee mugs with the Star Trek logo, a mug he got off the counter one day and has used for the past 27 years.
Several people even brought golf clubs, because yes, Griff has a golf club at work, as you do. Also they all changed their hats to "Make America Griff Again."
They did not win the costume contest at work. THEY WERE ROBBED.
All day long I was trying to do my regularly scheduled work, and I'd look up and see some normally attractive woman dressed as Griff and it'd kill me all over again.
One of the Alexes went as a gnome. As you do.
In the meantime, I went to the drug store at lunch to get candy, as we have coworkers' kids come in around 4:00 each year. But there ended up being so many kids that I had to go BACK to ANOTHER drug store to get more candy for my neighborhood. I was one of 3949492940 people doing the same damn thing, rushing to Walgreens at 5:30 on Halloween, which is why I was particularly thrilled that they had one checkout clerk and that that one checkout clerk asked everyone if they wanted a Walleye card or whatever it's called.
What is the point of these cards? Do they really do anything for us? Because some of those places, they take your card, you never get a discount, and you put the card back in your already bloated wallet. Is it just so they can spy on our every move? So they can read our minds and harvest our eggs?
The point is, the yahoo in front of me actually said yes, she DID want one of those cards, and while 87 people lined up behind her, she gave her phone number, her email address, her life story and her DNA and boom, 11 hours later, a Wallace card, so she can have zero benefit from it for the rest of time.
IT WAS JUST SO RUDE. Now is not the time to sign up for anything, sister. I thought of memorizing her phone number and calling her later to say just that. But I did not, because I am not a psychopath.
I have an Ulta card, and whenever I go there I have to ASK if there're enough points for me to get a discount and the answer is usually yes. So why not TELL me so I can USE them?
God.
Anyway, I got home with my candy, finally, and all the pets were skeletons because dinner was late so Elastic-Waist Pants, over at the Walgreens, could get her Waltons card. I fed everyone, ordered pizza and waited. It didn't take long.
Man, did I have trick-or-treaters. At one point I looked outside and my whole street was lined with cars. Is that what people do now, drive to trick-or-treat? That might make me crankier than someone signing up for a Walnut card on a holiday. My neighborhood is perfect for walking. Why drive? I guess if you've come from another neighborhood, and I am down with that. If you live somewhere shitty, by all means come to my house and have some lower-middle-class candy; I don't mind a bit. I really don't.
So I guess that musta been it: people from other neighborhoods. Anyway, there were several cute children, and while I'd put Edsel and Steely Dan in the back bedroom, I let the big cats be out. The first time someone looked at Iris lounging in the living room and said, "Oh, your cat is so cute!" she leapt off and hid huffily. how dare yuu look at eye-riss? hoo you think you be?
Lily, however, ate it up. Oh, she'd saunter to the door, wrap her tail about coquettishly, simper and flirt. Everyone loved Lily.
"JUNE!" I opened the door at one point, and there was my down-the-street neighbor, Joan, of the big-haired Joans, who now owns Ava.
Joan hugged me. I think she was excited to show her friends she was down with the neighbors even a block away.
"You look great! Who are you?" I asked, because it turns out I'm too old to know shows now.
"I'm Katniss," she said, modeling her outfit for me. "From the Hunger--OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT CAT!"
It was like a meeting of the hair. Lily and all her fluff and Joan and all her curls. The two of them kibbitzed for quite awhile, as Joan exclaimed over Lily's fluffiness, her roundness, her green eyes, her pretty face, her white paws, till finally her friends started to leave.
"Where's that...oh, what's his name. That dog."
"Edsel. I put him in the back. But please tell Ava I love her."
"Oh, she knows," Joan said confidently, as she says everything. "She loves you, still, too. She really does." She turned to go and I noticed her Katniss boots were untied. My shoes are rarely tie shoes, but when they are, they are always untied.
I'm like the World's Most Interesting Woman. I may not always wear shoes with ties, but when I do, they're always undone.
Anyway, I warned Joan, and she flipped her curls. "I know. They're always like that. I can't keep them tied, and I'm NOT bending down to fix them. I figure it's like skating. You fall down, you get back up. I can live with that."
Joan was definitely my highlight kid last night.
Anyway, now it's Day of the Dead, or is that tomorrow, and it's also NedKitty's 17th birthday. One day Ned will be 98, and I will run into him at a futuristic salad emporium, and he'll be all, "NedKitty turned 70 today."
I leave you with the following pertinent question: What's the best candy?
I am a big fan of the Mallow Cup, and I also love a good Sweet Tart.
wat be candee? do steelee dan get to hunt it?
