Bye Bye, Pie!

What's the best cereal? When did you look your best?

I took this yesterday and just now noticed the cross growing out of my head. How'm I gonna wear my hats? Crap. I have an early doctor's appointment (finally going to the allergy place) so I've got to go. Talk... Read more →

June gets stuck on a thing

I'm trying to think of what I did all weekend that kept me from blogging. Since blogs are out, shouldn't I come up with another verb? Website-ing. By the way, there's a woman at work who's our social person, and... Read more →

Turns out, brows really affect your look

Yesterday I came home from work, as I am wont to do, and I was putting my many many goddamn bills away in my cute bill-holder '60s thing. I moved it with me all the way from LA. Cute bill-holder... Read more →

Moo. Yakety yakety yakety.

Edsel stuck his paw straight up my nose this morning. Managed to get a claw in each nostril, and now m'nose hurts. So I gotta fit a trip to the pound in along with my regular duties. Maybe I could... Read more →

Terror, or a mild annoyance, in the night

"June." It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'd been half-awake already for whatever reason. ...did I just...did I just hear my name? I waited a second. Nothing. Maybe a cat moaned in a way that sounded like "June." As... Read more →

Facing June Addiction

Yesterday, I got up early to go to the allergy doctor. I hurried around, and tore over there to be on time, and when I got there, right at 8:00? They were closed. I walked up to the door and... Read more →

56. Steely Dan just walked across the dang keyboard and typed "56," so let's let that be our title

It's Sunday night, and while I should be watching The Wonderful World of Disney while my mother sprays Hair-So-New on my tangles and tries to roll up my June hair onto bristle-y rollers, instead I am writing you. Isn't it... Read more →

Oh, I'd like to, but I have to translate Mandarin

Well, I did it. I lived through my anniversary with Ned without caving and talking to him. It's now been 40 days since I've seen him. So basically he's Lent. I mostly just tried to not be swallowed by my... Read more →

Cats

[Insert song from Cats here. I know of none. Is "Cats in the Cradle" from Cats?] I took this of Lily yesterday when I was playing Blu with Edsel in the back yard. She's really an indoorswoman. Door's wide open... Read more →

Pan in the azz

I just let Edsel in from the rainy morning, and I watched as he avoided both--both!!--mud-trapping rugs I have laid out in the back room. Dogs. they're a pleasure. You know, I don't understand him. I can tell that he's... Read more →

Click here. You won't believe what happens next.

The other day, I was doing some crucial cosmetics shopping with my equally deep friend Alex from work. (I ended up getting a color-correcting stick that makes me look like Kabuki theater, and a brown lipstick I thought would be... Read more →

June would make heart hands, if heart hands didn't make her want to kill everyone

Awhile back, I read a really funny article about a woman in an abusive relationship. As you do. You know how some things you read just stick with you, and 45 years later you're at the home telling your roommate,... Read more →

June knows the code

As I was recovering from one of the 70,000 inevitable fights with Ned that I've had over the last five years, I asked him, "Do you feel like all the time there's this black, gaping maw of despair inside you,... Read more →

Lord, make me an instrument ...that doesn't gag me

Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor, because my throat is still bothering me. Do you remember about a year and a half ago when they put me out and checked my throat because it always feels like it's... Read more →

June's weekend. With special guest stars: pet photos

My robe sleeves are wet (dishwasher and changing pet bowls) and now I have that pleasurable feeling of receiving teensy kisses from Satan every time I move m'arm. I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever, so let's... Read more →

Mere slip of a June

It's been a month since Ned and I broke up, part two of our endless breakup. The point is that, as I have alluded to before, my weight may have been mentioned, and I was shocked and humiliated. I went... Read more →

WHAT?

My friend at work, The Poet, has a birthday on December 31. Which is sort of cool in every way, except for the part where no one cares about you on your birthday. EXCEPT ME. I DID. But then I... Read more →

Eddie Rabbit

When it comes to my coffee cups ("We're riveted, June!"), I tend to grab the one closest to the front. But today I really wanted my Green Bean coffee mug--it's really my favorite, and as of today I haven't had... Read more →

Playmate of the month

I let Edsel out this morning, as I am wont to do, and 15 minutes later I was struck by his quiet-ness, a habit not usually reserved for Edsel. I looked out the back door... and he's eating a rabbit.... Read more →

Suck zinc.

Well, here we are. My favorite day of the year. No one expects us to be festive, and thank god for that. Do you enjoy my new sugar skull calendar? Remember when I had that vintage Better Homes & Gardens... Read more →