[Insert song from Cats here. I know of none. Is "Cats in the Cradle" from Cats?]
I took this of Lily yesterday when I was playing Blu with Edsel in the back yard. She's really an indoorswoman. Door's wide open and she doesn't care. SD was in his room eating lunch, but that will be irrelevant, as you'll soon see.
As part of my don't-kill-your-own-self project, I've been trying to keep as busy as possible. One guy at work said when he was brokenhearted, he scheduled event on top of event, and "You're still stuck with yourself at the end of the day, but you're so exhausted all you do is sleep."
That is why I stayed a little late at work, then decided to get a restorative manicure after, a thing I can ill afford, but shut up. I went to Freddys first, which is this new fast-food place that replaced the Burger King that shut down in my neighborhood. Which, how does a Burger King get shut down? It's been there for decades. It's on the busiest street in town. George Bailey, the richest man in town.
Anyway, I got damn grilled chicken and the damn Baked Lay's, dammit, because FatGate, and my plan was to eat them as I drove to Hot Nail or Pretty Nail or whatever the fuck my nail place is called. They all have "Nail" in the title. In LA I went to Red Nail. I used to actually make appointments. Oh, I need you to hear how not-interested the woman was who answered phones there.
Perfect that Iris meows during that. This is why I'm late for work, by the way. Making art films for you such as that.
Anyway, once I smelled the damn chicken sandwich, I pulled into the parking lot, watched This Is Us on my phone, and ate, and really the whole experience was delightful. I was putting er'thang in the bag, to get out my car and throw it away, and as soon as I turned to my driver's-side window,
there was a cat staring right at me.
Of course my first thought was, "KITTY! I LOVE YOU KITTY!" and then it was oh, shit. I gotta save this cat. There are no houses anywhere around that place. He was orange, with a white and orange little cat face. I immediately named him Freddy.
I got out the car like I was miming or something, and minced over there with my Baked Lay's crumbs, and of course he shot away from me in terror.
And that was the next half hour of my life. Mince. Shoot. Mince. Call kitty kitty. Shoot.
Eventually he ran under a fence to the next business, and my full intention is to go back there today to lure him with something more enticing. Maybe I'll be like Bugs Bunny and dress up as sexy girl cat.
Anyway, I got my manicure, with all my cash money, then I came home and don't even feel sorry for Edsel, as he only goes out once a day now unless I go with him. He's just getting weirder. Anyway, he'd already peed twice yesterday, a record number for him, so I knew he was good. I got home and fed him, and fed the regular cats, and I was all, "Where's Steely Dan?"
You have no idea how much I say this. That cat is obsessed with going out, and I don't WANT him to go out, and he dashes out when I'm not looking. The other day Marty Martin was over and it happened. I wanted to show off Steely Dan and he was nowhere, so finally I opened the front door and there he was.
He climbs the trees. Any time he's escaped, he heads directly up a tree and hangs there like a lunatic. With my new back door, he jumps to the bottom window and hangs there just like the poster about Friday's coming.
I stomp and bang the door whenever I come home now, and stomp my feet as I leave, hoping it'll scare him from going to the door. It never works. Iris, meanwhile, has a nervous breakdown.
Anyway, I looked in all his dead-asleep places, because he's either tearing around here like a loon or dead, but no. He was nowhere.
"mew!" I heard. From above. And right then I knew.
That ASSHOLE was on the roof. Again. I have NO EARTHLY IDEA how he got out and how he got on the goddamn roof. So there was me, all night--ALL NIGHT--trying to lure him down. He dearly wanted to COME down, but was too scared to jump. I got food, I got a chair, I cajoled, I put on my sexy girl cat suit. Since he's fixed now, it meant nothing.
Finally I thought of The Fireman I dated for three days or whatever. "You never see a cat skeleton in a tree." I mean, I wasn't gonna call the police at 11 p.m. to get my cat down. I went to bed, thinking I'd never sleep, worrying about his punk ass on the roof, my cat on a cold tile roof, but actually I fell right asleep cause good mothering instincts.
The first jerk to wonder why I didn't think to go outside and capture on film my cat on the roof in the night gets banned for life from this blog. Oooooo! Not that, June!
I was fast asleep when "mew!" I could tell he was in the attic. "Oh you have got to be kidding," I thought, throwing the covers back, Edsel following me expectantly. I opened the attic, and there he was. "MEW." He'd missed dinner. He was quite ruffled re that.
I kissed his little velvet-y fur and got him new food. Iris had gleefully eaten his food-on-a-dish enticement meal I'd created earlier. He purred and carried on.
And then today he tried to get out again.
That's all the cat news from over here.
Mew.
Cat Stevens
