Awhile back, I read a really funny article about a woman in an abusive relationship. As you do.
You know how some things you read just stick with you, and 45 years later you're at the home telling your roommate, a 97-year-old apple doll who spends her evenings plucking at invisible threads and moaning anxiously, "You know, once I read a funny article..."
It was like that.
Also, I'd like to know who's paying for my half-room at the home. Surely I'll be old and alone and forgotten. I mean, I'm halfway there. Woahhh, livin' on a prayer.
The point is, the article was great. The writer talks about what it's like to be a funny person in a not-funny situation, and several times since I've thought of her and wondered how she's fared.
Yesterday, after a whole weekend alone and half-forgotten in my sunny cottage, my Annex of Anguish, I Googled, "Can you get hypnotized for a broken heart?" and there was an article that was hilarious about this woman who'd done just that, in LA, where all Things Like That are possible. I should know this, as I'd cruise the drive-thru before work to get cupped and detoxed and past-lives-read at least a few times a week. Sometimes you'd pay it backward and buy your own coffee in 1792.
In LA, they have a cupcake vending machine. I am not even kidding you. It was walking distance from my work, and while you may think nobody walks in LA, when one has a CUPCAKE VENDING MACHINE, one walks. In LA. This was before gluten was invented, though, so maybe it's gone or moved to the Hispanic neighborhood or something.
The point is, after thoroughly enjoying the article on this woman's broken-heart hypnosis, I clicked on her name to see if there was more about her, or if perhaps I could marry her, and there was the funny article on abusive relationships.
And right then I knew. She was the same person.
So now I have a new writer to love, and God may have taken away Carrie Fisher and Nora Ephron and any semblance of physical appeal, but she gave me Julieanne Smolinski, and that's not too shitty.
Oh, also? Her Twitter handle is @BoobsRadley. That there is enough to love her.
P.S. Obligatory pet shots:
Edsel gives birth to a cat
Steely Dan is sick of your shit and he's this close to unfriending you.
