Bye Bye, Pie!

I foresee terrible trouble. And I stay here just the same.

Now that Edsel's dog brain has snapped and I have to literally go outside with him (as opposed to figuratively going outside with him, the way I used to. "I'm outside with you in spirit, Eds!"), I realize it's really... Read more →

Be cool, Edsel

You know how I hate for anyone to make a fuss, but my throat hurts. All I ask is that you stampede to your local Catholic church and light a candle. Or put one of those vague posts on social... Read more →

How many of them hormones you been takin', honey?

Yesterday evening, after a very busy day that I'm sorry to inform you Ima tell you about, I headed to the grocery store to get cat food, because the cupboard was literally bare in the cat food department. I really... Read more →

Click here. You won't believe what happens next.

The other day, I was doing some crucial cosmetics shopping with my equally deep friend Alex from work. (I ended up getting a color-correcting stick that makes me look like Kabuki theater, and a brown lipstick I thought would be... Read more →

June's weekend. With special guest stars: pet photos

My robe sleeves are wet (dishwasher and changing pet bowls) and now I have that pleasurable feeling of receiving teensy kisses from Satan every time I move m'arm. I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever, so let's... Read more →

Eddie Rabbit

When it comes to my coffee cups ("We're riveted, June!"), I tend to grab the one closest to the front. But today I really wanted my Green Bean coffee mug--it's really my favorite, and as of today I haven't had... Read more →

Playmate of the month

I let Edsel out this morning, as I am wont to do, and 15 minutes later I was struck by his quiet-ness, a habit not usually reserved for Edsel. I looked out the back door... and he's eating a rabbit.... Read more →

For six nights in a row

SCREEEEEEEEECH! That's what woke me up this morning, a few minutes before my alarm: SCREEEEEEEEECH! "That's actually coming from outside my head," I realized, and then I wondered if someone was being murdered. Exciting! "Coooo! Cooo! Cooooo!" I heard then,... Read more →

Oh, good. I get to read about someone's trip.

I hate brunch. There's the part where you're expected to get up, WITH NO FOOD OR COFFEE IN YOU, and head to some crowded restaurant, then wait in a lobby for a hundred minutes. Then always--ALWAYS!!--some asshole party of 10... Read more →

Removing the '70s bush

I know you're sick of hearing me talk about how I'm eating the flaxseed muffins I made myself yesterday, with whole-wheat flour, which who even knew that was a thing. But lemme tell you, I outdid myself. They.Are.Delicious. I've been... Read more →

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

Yes, I'm posting on Saturday. Hello! {hello hello hello hello} Echo! {echo echo echo echo} I don't know why I bother. But hello, one and a half people who are homebound for whatever reason. I guess now that it's half... Read more →

Like I blister in the sun

First of all, I answered most of your questions you had yesterday in the comments, and I'll go back after this and answer the rest. I had to work more than I thought I would yesterday, and was unable to... Read more →

June Brought the Rose (Gold)

Last night, I got my rose gold color! It'll only last a few weeks, but here it is! I look vaguely like an aging Disney princess. But I like it! It's exciting! Also, I need lip enhancement so bad. Four... Read more →

(redundant)

I don't get why people like fantasy and science fiction. It's so not interesting to me. I don't see how you can get riveted by things that don't exist. Oh! There's a curse from the Land of Dumblethworp and it's... Read more →

Everyone's a comedian

I posted last night--I gave some aptitude tests to Lottie that I shared on film. Yes, you really ARE welcome. Scroll down to see. But I gathered you all here today to hear about my severe eye injury. I was... Read more →

Old Limey Checks In

7:05 a.m. (Hah! Remembered!) If you tuned in yesterday, you'll recall, with your sharp precision that knows no bounds, that I said, "I haven't saved the bird yet or seen the muskrat or closed down two more places or gotten... Read more →

June's milkshake brings all the calves to the yard

"Oooo! I know!" I said to my friend. "Let's drive out to the country to that ice cream place, where you can pet cows and eat ice cream they made right there on the spot!" For me, there's a whole... Read more →

June speaks

There are three things I wanted to tell you about: the turtle, my conversation and the intuitive. Which do you want to hear first? ...Okay. Remember last week, when a bunch of you donated to my coworker Alex so she... Read more →

Karl Not So Young

Hang on. I'm trying my refrigerator oats for the first time. ...Mmmmm. Okay, this is good. Refridge oats: old-fashioned rolled oats, so, like, oats that think you shouldn't have sex till marriage. You know what I hate? When people write,... Read more →

835 Glorious Words

This is my favorite time of year, because, for example, this is the view out my kitchen window. Every hour I spend dicing and sauteing, I see this. I also have a view of this: I accidentally typed "dicking" instead... Read more →

Work Hymor

Back when I was pretty persnickety about these things, like, college, when a man called a grown woman a "girl," I'd say, if she menstruates, she's a woman, not a girl. So does this mean I'm back to being a... Read more →

Literally wearin' the green

Aye! See, I want to talk Irish to you but I keep sounding like a pirate. Ahoy! It's St. Patrick's Day, matey! Arrrrrr! As I told you yesterday, with my cliffhanger headline, my Aunt Mary sent me a box of... Read more →

The one where June makes hilarious Presidents Day puns

Edsel doing his sled dog impression. Or his Mushmouth impresh. Whichever. It snowed again, which is very exciting for us here. My work is delayed a crummy hour. Given how much sliding down my street I did last night, I... Read more →

The one where it snows in North Carolina. EVERYBODY PANIC!

Dis offend Edzul dellikit sensibilitys. We had something of a storm. It's not so much how many inches we got, which is the story of MY life, but rather that after it snowed, it then hailed, hailed, the gang was... Read more →

Cordless mouse

I was at work, minding my own business, which you know is never really true, but I was at least mostly minding my own business when I heard a shriek in the other room. In our office's open floor plan,... Read more →

14 joys and a will to be merry

Last night, I was in my green chair reading, and when I looked up, there was my Lily, looking all regal. I took her photo, as is evidenced by Exhibit A, there, above me, and put it on Facebook. "You... Read more →

Toot toot, heyyy, beep beep.

Yesterday at work, one of the coworkers sent an email to a bunch of us. "Anyone up for going to happy hour after work, for a bit?" I immediately screamed back an email: "GOD ,YES." An hour later, that same... Read more →

Aw, nuts

Ned took this picture of Lu and me last night, while I was taking a break from packing. Whenever Ned and I start talking now, Tallulah nervously enters the room and groans. Then she walks between us and puts her... Read more →

Oh, deer

Really, the most exciting part of yesterday was when we saw the deer not 20 feet from us. See all three of them? The second fawn is sitting behind the bush, on the left. Oh, I kiss you all so... Read more →