Bye Bye, Pie!

In which June decides there is a table and it is round

Today I have many stupid things to talk about, and you will be stunned at how pressing they are. "Thank heavens June covered this topic," you'll say, at your daily round tables with your friends to discuss my blog. What... Read more →

Mica! Broadway Bronze! This is what it sounds like when doves cry. No, I HAVEN'T had a stroke...

Remember in December, when I gave everyone in my book club a nice moustache? What do you mean, "no"? What do you mean "sometimes I live my life and don't remember your every detail, June"? Whatever with you. At any... Read more →

Lips be poppin'.

I have many plans today, including going to the grocery store for toothpaste because currently I need the strength of 10 men to attempt to squeeze out the dregs of my current tube, but so far all I've done is... Read more →

The new June Brady!

Honestly, I think my alarm is going off AFTER 7:00, because it seems like after I hit snooze 7949599 times and get up, it's always some shocking time like 7:49. My point is, it's late and Ima scream out this... Read more →

How many of them hormones you been takin', honey?

I just thought of that line from Fried Green Tomatoes and I like it. In reality I am taking zero hormones. In the immortal words of my grandfather, "How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her." Hello! I plan... Read more →

June's Most Excellent Day

Yesterday was kind of the perfect day, in that I got to go to the makeup counter and the doctor. You know how I enjoy doctor visits. I find them reassuring. For like a minute. Then I go back to... Read more →

Madre de Dios

I gots no time to gab today. I just woke up (don't ask) (okay, I was out late with ...friend.) and now I have to scream off to Raleigh to get my hairs done at 12:30. The only way I... Read more →

You only have one nondoughnut hand. Use it wisely.

That title comes from my Krispy Kreme cup which is currently on my desk. Let's discuss the part where I just got an effing doughnut and yet also just spent $104 on The Tracy Anderson Method after watching an infomercial... Read more →

Lip gloss. It's my prerogative.

Yesterday at work I had to fast till my blood test at 10:10. No human has had to endure more torment. How is it a clock can move so slowly? Oh, I was hungry. Seriously. Kwashiorkor was setting in. Sally... Read more →

Hey, 16%!

We had our usual routine this morning, where the dogs immediately burst outside like the house is on fire, and then when they hear me feeding the cats, through the wood and the brick and the five rooms from the... Read more →

A post about everything and nothing. Aka what else is new.

I just got back from having dinner with The Other June, and I am writing this before I go to bed. I have a dentist appointment early Thursday morning, so I am writing my post at night, and let me... Read more →

Margaret Thatcher stalks June

So as I was SAYING, before my stupid stupid stupid post went MISSING yesterday, I have a statistics textbook that I have to copy edit due on Monday, and man. Am I ever on top of that. Because I haven't... Read more →

Eff ogg. I like spelling it "herre."

So, my Wen came. And in case you do not sit around watching infomercials with Melissa Gilbert in them--to which I say, why? Are you NEW?--Wen is a shampoo that is supposed to transform your life. It makes thin hair... Read more →

June has first-world problems

In case you were fretting and wringing your hands, I seem to be on the mend. I realized, being home all these days in a row, that I don't get to see a lot of pretty-things-the-light-does in my house, because... Read more →

Almonds and mint

I still feel dreadful. Should I go to work today, or not? I feel bad because The Poet who sits next to me is coming in today, and she usually has Fridays off because she is a fancy poet and... Read more →

DeJune Show

I think the most important news of the day is that I just got an email telling me my DiorShow Mascara is on its way. Aaannnd there go the straight male readers. And some of the lesbians. Look, you don't... Read more →

In which June loses her skin

Marvin just emerged from the bathroom and said, "I can't stop releasing the hounds." Pretty. Anyway, I'm tired. I stayed up late to watch that depressing movie where Meryl Streep has the cancer and her daughter is Renee Zellwegger. The... Read more →

Conspicuous Consumer

I have so many things to tell you about what I have bought lately. Before I begin, though, can you tell me why? Why would Marvin have left one lasagna noodle in the package? One. He left one. Did he... Read more →

In which June is crude. And says hopey changey.

Have you missed me? I thought I'd be like the mail and not show up for Columbus Day. Really, I was so tired this morning, as I am still not 100% from the Lassa Fever or whatever it is I... Read more →

A hodge and a podge. Hey, at least we all get to stop looking at my arse. Actually, that isn't true.

You know those phony posts where I have eight million topics? Yeah. Okay, first of all, I was having a deeply intellectual evening recently, wherein I was smelling the perfume samples that came in a magazine. I said to Marvin,... Read more →

It rain.

It rain here all weekend, and yes, I said "it rain" on purpose. Tallulah has her own Facebook page (if you want to friend her, she's Tallulah Gardens. She hearts friends. Especially friends who have chicken), and one of my... Read more →

Comic Sans

First of all, yay. Okay, so see how I put this little square up here like I know what I'm doing? And you can all say, "Oh, how nice! Our votes mattered! June is a finalist in that Most Ludicrous... Read more →

Pet bull

I'm just sitting here in my white cotton nightgown waiting for them to call me to tell me I have the job. Is hoping they'll call me at 10 a.m. the day after an interview a little too hopeful? Is... Read more →

Post. Posty post post post.

Sorry to take so long to post today, and I like how I have to apologize for not POSTING first thing in the MORNING on a SUNDAY when people like Miss Doxie go a year between posts and I post... Read more →

A hodgepodge. A cornucopia. A crazy quilt. And other annoying phrases to indicate that I have 80 topics today.

I have had many odds and ends, or odds 'n' ends, because you know how I like that, to tell you. This time to mark them all off I will use background-singer noises. Mmmmmmm! Yesterday I threw caution to the... Read more →

Elegance is learned, my friend

I accidentally took this photo of myself the other day when I was trying to turn off the camera. Because it is so fascinating, I thought I'd share it with all of you. Do you wonder if I ever leave... Read more →

Ruby in the sky with glasses

We're having an exciting day over here at House of June. Tallulah got a new collar, thanks to Faithful Reader Lindy. You may recall a few weeks ago that Tallulah broke out of her collar on a walk. She broke... Read more →

I want you to know. I will NEVER be organized about my blog topics

First and foremost, here is my Christmas mug of the day. Du jour of the day. When I waitressed, I used to love it when people asked what the soup du jour of the day was. I never felt superior... Read more →

Everybody go over to my old blog

I have interviewed my mother about the Corina line of skin-care products, and all of a sudden it occurred to me that my advertisers might get mad at me, because this might count as a product review. So I have... Read more →

Limp-wristed

Well, you know you had a good birthday when you barf in the hallway at 2:00 in the morning. Poor Tallulah. No more birthday treats for her. I had to interrupt my regularly scheduled broadcast yesterday for Tallulah's birthday, but... Read more →

Old paint

Okay. That holiday's over. Hellooooooo, Christmas! Totally made my Jewish mother-in-law help me decorate today. I know I have sent her straight to Jewish hell or wherever. I don't even know if Jewish people have hell. Do they? Nice knowledge... Read more →