Bye Bye, Pie!

June drinks red wine and drones

Hloy CATS. "Hloy," Goddammit. I haven't even HAD any wine yet. HOLY cats. Jesus. In case anyone's thinking of checking me into Promises Malibu or whatever, it's 9:53 at night as I write this. I realize you're likely all in... Read more →

Flounce and Fisher

Do you know what it means to flounce? People have done it here a few times: It's when something on the Internet bugs you, and instead of just not returning the site anymore, you announce to the group at large... Read more →

Who you voting for? BE NICE.

My stupid computer is acting wonky, like Iris's eye, and now it's 8:23 and I'm just commencing to typing. So since I have to GO now, and THANKS, Internet, let's just ask... Who you voting for? For president, smarty. And... Read more →

ForgotTitle

When Ned and I weren't letting love lift us up where we belong this weekend, we were playing with an app. I know. We've turned into those people. We might as well get a leather sectional. It's called Karen, and... Read more →

Well, you used to shake 'em down, now you stop and think about your dignity. Or not.

Okay, I hate to be obsessed, but now Google Photos is making little stories from my pictures. Look at this nice one! I know. I need to get over it. Every poor sap who comes to my desk has to... Read more →

Free speech

I've been writing this blog ever since it was fashionable to have a blog--I started in 2006. It's only recently that I've been censored, however. People are using this blog in unhealthy ways. To check up on old relationships. To... Read more →

Celebrity Gossip with June

I just read an article yesterday, in my hard-hitting Entertainment Weekly, because I think it's important to stay abreast of the news. In it, a gay actor (that guy from Girls, you know the one? I love him) said young... Read more →

Mostly I just like to say, "Solange."

Sorry I'm late today. I was super busy beating up my brother-in-law in an elevator. By now I hope you've seen the delightful and riveting video of Beyonce's sister, Solange, beating up poor Jay Z, who always struck me as... Read more →

Gwynneth Paltrow. Irking me since 1995.

Gwynneth Paltrow is such a tool. I KNEW she and that Coldplay guy were gonna break up, because I'd read rumors of her affair, as I stay on top of the news, and once some celebrity couple starts saying "Oh,... Read more →

Blup

Yesterday, after work, about 50 people from my office went out for cocktails, and who am I to buck that trend? So we all piled in to this huge bar while it stormed outside, and one wonders if it could... Read more →

I TOTALLY FORGOT to show you this today. This is a billboard on my drive home.

And here's the story! Read more →

In which June seems kind of obsessed with tacos.

I woke up before the stupid alarm went off and thought I was late because the sun was up. Stupid daylight savings. WHY do we have to have it, again? Wasn't it when we were all farmers that we needed... Read more →

Pick Flick

Ask me how that statistics textbook is going. NOT WELL. NOT WELL AT ALL. Have you SEEN the index on this thing? They'll list one word and give you 84929492949395 pages where that word appears. And because this is a... Read more →

Bloop de Bloo Bloo

I have been very busy working on a new project. I created a folder on my desktop called, "Hi. I've slept with you." Then I went on Facebook and downloaded photos of my exes. Do you have any idea how... Read more →

Q.E. + B.W. = TLA

Am taking a break from my hard-hitting morning of reading BOOK RIDICULOUS THREE of that stupid Fifty Slaps of Grey or whatever, and I guess hard-hitting was an appropriate term. Do you know who I'd like to spank? That author.... Read more →

Catch you on the flip side, Davy. Oh. Also? Tallulalina Jowlie.

In the past 24 hours, Iris slept on my head, Edsel bit me, and poor Davy Jones died. Who gets his locker? I liked Davy Jones. I mean, didn't we all? And one of my fancy LA friends just told... Read more →

Did you hear Whitney Houston died?

I know this was covered ad nauseum in my comments yesterday, but maybe you're one of those people who doesn't read my comments, to which I say, "?" And also, "!" Because not reading my comments is like only eating... Read more →

My grandma used to say, "Your ass would make him a Sunday face." I know that takes like 15 minutes to figure out.

I am sad about Heidi Klum and Seal, which is not at all pathetic of me, because I know them really well and Heidi Klum and I are like this. But they always seemed so happy, and like such a... Read more →

HATE LOST LOVES. Also? I discuss Newt. As always.

A few days ago, in the labyrinth of my comments, Faithful Reader Jan made the fateful mistake of telling us all that she used to write poetry about her boyfriends when she was sad in high school. I told Jan... Read more →

Life has its perks, Steve Jobs is dead and that's sad, and it's Snowing at the pound

Dear Mr. Steve Jobs, Thank you for the cool computer. And phone. And iPod. And stuff. Love, June In other news-- I got a percolator! At least one of you told me to in the comments so I threw caution... Read more →

Almonds and mint

I still feel dreadful. Should I go to work today, or not? I feel bad because The Poet who sits next to me is coming in today, and she usually has Fridays off because she is a fancy poet and... Read more →

Osama. Not so much with the aliveness anymore.

I will blog at you tonight when I get home after my first day, and if you know me in real life, be sure to call me and ask how my first day was, because I won't be super-drained or... Read more →

June 2 Love You

Somebody broke into my work email and sent all sorts of girl-on-girl action emails to my old bosses and such. Nice. I am certain my conservative female choirmember ex-boss has always wanted to see Lez2LoveYou2, and now it has been... Read more →

Goin' to the chapel. Which is 8593055 miles long.

Oh, isn't this the best day ever?! When my alarm went off at 4:50, Tallulah was all, "You have got to be joking." She lifted her head off the pillow, rolled her eyes at me, and went back to bed.... Read more →

Less of Edsel to love

Just took Edsel in for his tutoring. Francis' vet will be here at 10:00. In the meantime, I was Googling dog neutering and found this site. I guarantee you the only people who ever purchased Neuticles for their dog were... Read more →

And the award for most dramatic cold goes to...

In the immortal words of Martin Luther King, "IIIII have a cold." You know it's bad when I do not care if my socks match. The beige one on the right, there, is left over from when I had a... Read more →

A Great Injustice

Hi. Marvin here. I thought I would take advantage of this snow day (ice day, really) by getting something off my chest that has been bothering me for the last thirty-five years or so. Thanks in advance for your indulgence... Read more →

Princess June and Birthday Boy Marvin

Today is Marvin's birthday. He is 14. Here he is about to open his gifts. That's my coffee, of course. "what dis birfday? never herd. edsel not have birfdays. r you sure there is rully such a thing?" In other... Read more →

I have a taste for luxury and luxury has a taste for me

Oh, I am FURIOUS at Marvin and he doesn't even know it. I had a dream he liked someone else. And you know how it always happens in dreams, where you are EFFING LIVID and the other person's all, "What?"... Read more →

Breaking celebrity news

Okay, wait, what? Sandra Bullock's husband really slept with someone else? Y'all know I am off celebrity gossip. I had not heard of this until it was on my CNN page. WHO did he think he was gonna find who... Read more →

Her arse? Where did it go?

I have to work my arse off today. And wouldn't it be nice if that literally happened? Oh, what's on the floor, there? I guess June really worked today. But anyway, I give you a photo of Tallulah, because I... Read more →