Bye Bye, Pie!

Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.

Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal,... Read more →

Dude looks like a Junie

I made it all week on my remaining $10, and then payday came and hello mortgage, but still, we got Christmas bonuses this year and you guys donated $10 apiece to celebrate my 10 years of blogging (oh, did you... Read more →

Wordless Weekend: June returns, puts up vacation photos. You're welcome.

I really thought y'all were gonna write my name in

What I'm not going to do? Drone on about politics when half of you feel one way, half feel the opposite. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. What I am going to do? Make you hear about... Read more →

At one with the nail salon. And food.

No human has eaten more than I did today. People have won pie-eating contests and they consumed fewer calories than me. I am home, in Saginaw, for what would have been my grandmother's 100th birthday. We decided to celebrate it,... Read more →

June's deep secret revealed

The jig is up: I'm going to Michigan this weekend, and then again in November. Dear Person I Am Not Related To Who is in Michigan: No, probably not, re seeing you. When I DO get there, I get booked... Read more →

But the liver and child reunion is only a motion away

I probably shouldn't be workout buddies with my ex-boyfriend, but so what. If you'll recall, from your Big Book of June Events, Ned was complaining of neck pain, and with my medical degree and minor in psychology, I determined he... Read more →

Party in a paper

"Did you ever take an actual copyediting class?" my boss asked me, and not in a mean way. We were talking about what we studied in college, and did it have anything to do with what we did for a... Read more →

Mrs. Robinson has a weekend

This weekend, I saw the most beautiful man I've ever seen, surprised Marty Martin, entertained my Aunt Mary, and saw my friend Marianne. It was a very M weekend. So, my aunt and uncle have been here since Wednesday, and... Read more →

The headache study

Yesterday, I drove to--oh holy shit what the hell is this? Why. Why did the strike-thru key get depressed before I even got here? It's got the world by the tail! What's to be depressed about? So, I'm sitting here... Read more →

Decaf June

I'm sitting here with my WATER, trying to drum up any personality with which to write you. Mostly, my personality is caffeine. Without it, you get this. Today I drive to damn Chapel Hill, and insert some sort of joke... Read more →

The one where June is annoying

9:32 p.m. It's Tuesday night, as opposed to TOOOOOOOSDAY AFTERNOOON. What is that song? The songs of my childhood are sad. Why'd I have to grow up in the drug era? Couldn't I have grown up in the nice '20s,... Read more →

June jaunts. Returns. Talks about dogs.

Sunday, 6:53 p.m. I went away this weekend, to celebrate the splendor of me and the date of my birth. Tonight I am home, having just picked up the dogs at their daycare where they summered this weekend. I got... Read more →

Mathletic showdown: June and her mom chisanbop

It's official: I'm an old lady. And not just cause I have to go down my steps sideways like a crab. I just got home for lunch and I saw my roses bloomed and you'd think Morris Chestnut was in... Read more →

I didn't even get to tell you that my aunt sent me a box of pants

I saw the Snowflake children. If you're a longtime reader of this blog, and really? You poor thing. Has your family told you you can't mention me anymore? Anyway, if you are, you'll remember three very loud, very blonde children... Read more →

Juno

You've no idea how much time I spend watching this now. I count how long she squats, how successful she is. Also, why the hell don't I have grass anymore? What are you supposed to do about that? There used... Read more →

June's end-of-the-year video

In order to avoid proofreading my statistics textbook, I made this end-of-year video this weekend, as I am wont to do at the end of every year. But I just noticed 24 people have already looked at it on YouTube,... Read more →

June shows you her steeple

Tallulah has gas. hooo care, mom. gazz do be happen. Ima guess it's because of her antibiotics, unless she's ordering takeout while I'm at work, which I would not put past her. Last night, I was trying to read before... Read more →

June shows you a brassiere. You're welcome.

Lily is giving me the silent treatment. I like how SHE can go away for FIFTY-TWO days, without so much as a warning or a post card, but I go away for three measly days and I'm in the doghouse.... Read more →

Typed while my mother and stepfather watch some sort of network news. You know what I never do?

"June, will you come stand at the basement door while I go down there?" Mom asked. "?" "Because at night I get scared down there. Harry usually does it but since you're here..." Why are children the indentured servant for... Read more →

Turkey in the straw

I'm hoping for a light day oval pad at work, seeing as it's the day before a holiday. Now that I've said that, of course I will do nothing but run around like I work in an ER without the... Read more →

More

You know my grandmother, the one I'm turning into? Today would be her 93rd birthday. And two days ago, it was her 70th wedding anniversary. I got married two days after my birthday. I never noticed that before, our whole... Read more →

She wants to TALK, June said, like that was the worst thing on earth.

The controversial paper towels. I cannot believe how long you people can discuss a thing, in the comments. Anyway, here are the pretty paper towels Ned bought to seduce the ladies, and it's workin' on ME anyway, because every spill... Read more →

I never promised you a June garden

My cousin Katy sent me new lipsticks!! I was really just thinking, I should go buy me a lipstick. Any time I buy a new one, I think THIS will be the color for me. THIS will be my signature... Read more →

June blogs to avoid seducing the cable guy

I had to work from home this morning while the repair guy fixed my TV and Internet. We haven't had TV all summer. Just now, Bewitched came on! Apparently he fixed the TV and time. Hellooooo, 1971! Do I get... Read more →

The Return of June

We are back in the South, where as soon as we opened the airport doors, the humidity hit us and it was impossible to breathe. However, here was our sky last night as we sat on the front porch. I... Read more →

The smell of June is strong

I'm in the backyard at my mother's house, blogging at you from their fancy Mac Air laptop. I know! Remember how any other time I've ever blogged from here, I've been all, George Washington blogged here, so slow was their... Read more →

Yo quiero Ned, and kiss Angie

Yesterday was a momentous day, and you might want to mark your calendars: I got Ned to eat dinner at Taco Bell. I have brought Ned over to my dark side. You know how I told you I had scream... Read more →

June, 5.0. Give or take a decimal.

Say, does anyone have the time? Oh, wait. I do. IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE 50. Shit. Last night, Ned said we could go anywhere we wanted for dinner, as it was my birthday eve. "Stameys!" I said. It's... Read more →

Scruuu Ball

Tallulah's doing her harrr-ing, where she rolls around on the bed and goes, "Harrrrrr. Harrrrrmmmph. Harrrr..." eds not even no wat to think when Lu do dis. I mean, do eds go for help, or...? Eds hate to haff to... Read more →

Wal-itin

I feel like I haven't talked to you since I wore short pants, which was yesterday when I had on cropped trousers. I've heard men don't like cropped pants, that they want us to just pick a length already. To... Read more →