Bye Bye, Pie!

The many photography talents o'June

Yesterday I asked you for stuff to blog about at lunchtime, but then lunchtime neared and someone I freelance for said, "Can you do this really fast?" and I said, "$ure," and who's sick of my dollar signs for Ses?... Read more →

Beelzebub has a devil cat put aside for me

In case you've been on pins and also the needles re my sore throat, I seem to have rallied. Because I'm tough. But I'm fair. Also, yesterday I started a new headache study, which I can tell you very little... Read more →

Terror, or a mild annoyance, in the night

"June." It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'd been half-awake already for whatever reason. ...did I just...did I just hear my name? I waited a second. Nothing. Maybe a cat moaned in a way that sounded like "June." As... Read more →

Working and praying and living and dying in this town

June reflects. Cause she's shiny. There's a fine line between telling the truth as much as you can on a blog, which I try to do, and exposing someone else's story. Just because you choose to tell all your shit... Read more →

The house began to pitch. And I'm a bitch.

"Marvin's getting married this weekend," I told Ned, "I feel nothing." "See? That, right there. That scares the SHIT outta me. What if one day, after all this, you feel nothing for me?" I knew Ned was pointing at me... Read more →

June's going to kiss you. She won't even wait.

I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to... Read more →

Sloe Gin. Take it easy.

This weekend, I went to this antique shop I like-- ...aaaaaand I just bit my canker sore. GODDAMMIT. I've been eating a lot of tomatoes, so naturally then I got a canker sore, and it won't go away, till finally... Read more →

Like I blister in the sun

First of all, I answered most of your questions you had yesterday in the comments, and I'll go back after this and answer the rest. I had to work more than I thought I would yesterday, and was unable to... Read more →

June goes downtown, which is not a euphemism

Yesterday I had to go to a building downtown to attend an all-day meeting. This is the view from the balcony behind the building. Went out there to smoke my 'rette. Man, I was having a nicotine fit. It was... Read more →

John Wayne, Marco Polo and boredom

Yesterday, I was texting The Younger Man, who first of all needs a blog name. "What do you want your blog name to be?" I asked him, because he's not at all busy being in the Olympics or whatever. "Steve,"... Read more →

Eff. Yay!

Someone just told a dick joke. So, how is everyone? Don't answer. I don't actually care. Don't you wish you could say that to the coworker who actually tells you how their weekend was? Speaking of coworkers, the woman who... Read more →

STELLAAAA! Oh, calm down.

Now that I'm out and so on, I can also tell you that I've been bringing Lottie places, so she won't be a nutbar like my last two dogs. When I got Tallulah, I started taking her everywhere, and she... Read more →

Suns are usually hilarious

This morning, as opposed to this anything else seeing as it's 8 a.m., I went to my computer room, fmr., and who needs to get over the "fmr." thing, do you think? Anyway, I went in there to clean the... Read more →

Served by Mr. Salty and Buddha

There're a brief few days every spring where Peg's dogwood meets my redbud across our driveways, kind of a Hands Across America of blossoms, and it's so pretty, but it's been so cloudy that I wasn't able to capture it... Read more →

I didn't even get to tell you that my aunt sent me a box of pants

I saw the Snowflake children. If you're a longtime reader of this blog, and really? You poor thing. Has your family told you you can't mention me anymore? Anyway, if you are, you'll remember three very loud, very blonde children... Read more →

Daugué for Women

The pet photographer, not that he's my pet, sent me this early. He hasn't edited the other photos yet but he wanted to send this. If you're local, by the way, he's called Lucky Pup Photography. I mean, his mom... Read more →

June's fog, her amphetamines and her pearls

Sometimes I sit at this computer and think, "What the hell was I gonna say today?" This is one of those days. I was worried about Lu last night, as she was panting and moaning just a bit. Going outside,... Read more →

Chico, don't be discouraged

I thought we'd just show film strips today, what say you? God, wasn't that wonderful, when you got to school and they just showed you film strips all day? My elementary school was an old, beautiful building that I never... Read more →

When Captain Howdy doesn't think you're pretty

This morning, I was making the coffee and the cats were in their little window, meowing for food, while the dogs moaned at their dishes like I never feed them. "You know," I said, and whenever I try to reason... Read more →

The princess spinster

Twelve. That is how many meals Edsel had in this house before he stopped automatically running to the spot where I USED to put his dish. Twelve. Times. I should do a little experiment now, move Lu's dish and see... Read more →

Girls, Tramps, Butterfaces

Last night, Ned and I went to see Girls, Girls, Girls at the old theater we like. Mostly it was about how a slutty woman with dumb hair and a butterface both liked Elvis. You know what a butterface is,... Read more →

Overture, curtain, lights. Or, Fay Wray has June hair.

Last night, we went to see King Kong, and not any stupid King Kong with Naomi Watts or even Jessica Lange. The original one, with that subtle actress Fay Wray. Please note the part where she's practically nekkid in that... Read more →

The impatient torso

I haven't really talked to you since the 4th of July, before that kid out there put a firecracker and his head and killed his own self. Did you read about that? Anyway, since it's been that long, I will... Read more →

Conversation with zygote from work

Ryan: Where's Susan? Me: Which one? Anton? Susan Anton? Ryan: Who's that? Me: She was a starlet in the '70s. She dated Dudley Moore. Towered over him. Money buys you everything. (Look up at Ryan. He's blank.) Goddammit. You don't... Read more →

Stay for the loom hunor

When Ned woke me up just now, I had been having a dream. Remember yesterday when I talked about how despicable people were who told you their dreams? "I was having a terrible dream," I announced to Ned, who puts... Read more →

Fiddle-dee-dee

Remember yesterday, when I said a bunch of women getting together gave me hives? Last night I got together with some women and we went to the movies. The best part about me is my consistency. I'm am very chalky.... Read more →

Sandra Dee O A

Yesterday we had a contest to name the disgusting nail polish color I got during this past unfortunate manicure. Maybe I could have named it Focus. Anyway, the winner is... Silly Putty Fuddy Duddy, thought up by Deb, Who is... Read more →

Sydney ToastPoints, Yay

It's Monday night and I'm in front of my computer, waiting for MY EDITOR to write back and tell me what to write for Purple Clover. I gave him several suggestions and none of them were about sex, so he... Read more →

Your gathering place for saying incredibly petty things about celebrities

You'd think I'd be more sensitive to the famous, now that I've been featured in a major local magazine and all, but no. Still ready to poke fun at the starts. Still Juney from the block. That's funny every time.... Read more →

Our nation breathes a sigh of relief

My Fitbit logged my sleep! I know! I slept 8 hours and 21 minutes and woke up twice, once because I had a dream that I slid open the shower curtain and when I did, someone grabbed my neck and... Read more →

Q-Tips and other hints from June

I had a dream that Ned and I offed Julia Roberts last night, but mostly that is because we saw the movie Rope in that old theater we like. But also because Julia Roberts. Dear FBI: I do not wish... Read more →