Bye Bye, Pie!

Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder

I hate podcasts. I'm SORRY. I'm sure your sister's really is magnificent. I'm sure if I just tried [insert fucking podcast here]...or gave a listen to...or have I heard...? Yeah, no. I'm not going to like any of those, either.... Read more →

Linear. That's what I am. Yep.

I have a new thing that bugs me. "WHAT? How can that be POSSIBLE, easygoing June!" [Leans into computer, rapt.] When someone refers to any emotion being "at a cellular level." Oh, shut up. Yes, my cells know I got... Read more →

Joe Lies

I be Hutch. Wear be Starskee? hahahahahaha Anyway. I hadn't had my eyebrows waxed since Wilford Brimley was a child, so I went to Elegant Nail & Tan, which I realize suggests all kinds of featured services that do not... Read more →

Taquit-oh, June

Ned has to move. Did I tell you that? Our gaylord--well, HIS gaylord, is selling the place, a thing we distinctly asked him about in 2014 when we moved in, and he said he had no intention of selling. Of... Read more →

Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.

Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal,... Read more →

Save June

Yesterday was a queer day. Did you ever see The Color Purple, when Celie says that about the weather? "It was a queer day." I always liked that line. When I was a kid, the word "queer" was all over... Read more →

56. Steely Dan just walked across the dang keyboard and typed "56," so let's let that be our title

It's Sunday night, and while I should be watching The Wonderful World of Disney while my mother sprays Hair-So-New on my tangles and tries to roll up my June hair onto bristle-y rollers, instead I am writing you. Isn't it... Read more →

Mere slip of a June

It's been a month since Ned and I broke up, part two of our endless breakup. The point is that, as I have alluded to before, my weight may have been mentioned, and I was shocked and humiliated. I went... Read more →

June's going to kiss you. She won't even wait.

I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to... Read more →

Strawberries, mashed potatos and sharp cheese (or maybe tomato and onion pizza)

If you could eat only three foods for the rest of your life, what would you eat? Read more →

Party in a paper

"Did you ever take an actual copyediting class?" my boss asked me, and not in a mean way. We were talking about what we studied in college, and did it have anything to do with what we did for a... Read more →

I hate it when I forget a title

I'm having a smoothie. It's migraine-diet approved. It involves frozen strawberries and blueberries, yogurt and milk and flaxseed, plus also special guest star: banana. This diet is a pain in my ass, because it involves not eating at the salad... Read more →

June talks. People ignore.

Yesterday, my friend Paula came to town, because of course Heart was playing somewhere in North Carolina, and you know how she follows around the band Heart. Big Book of June Events. Page 167. You also know (BBoJE page 796)... Read more →

Our Lady of Perpetual Calendars

I'm having some Greek honey yogurt with some almonds, and every time I eat Greek yogurt I feel like I'm eating just a teensy piece of Faithful Greek Reader Fay. Look how this blog has affected my life. When we... Read more →

Hand Jumping June

Yesterday was ridik. I had to take my car into the shop, which I think I've told you now 800 times, and you'd think I was taking it in to get it tricked out. You'd think my car was transitioning.... Read more →

The one where June is annoying

9:32 p.m. It's Tuesday night, as opposed to TOOOOOOOSDAY AFTERNOOON. What is that song? The songs of my childhood are sad. Why'd I have to grow up in the drug era? Couldn't I have grown up in the nice '20s,... Read more →

Lottie: knee-high by the 4th of July

I thought I'd fill you in on my many activities so far this holiday weekend, and by "many" I mean "June is fairly pathetic." On Friday, we got out early, so I took advantage of that extra time to come... Read more →

The kind side of June. HAHAHAHAHA.

I went out last night. Slept in m'pearls. I also took Lottie with me, because I'm living like a HERMIT not going places because I feel bad about putting her in a crate too much. And unlike my mother, who... Read more →

Suns are usually hilarious

This morning, as opposed to this anything else seeing as it's 8 a.m., I went to my computer room, fmr., and who needs to get over the "fmr." thing, do you think? Anyway, I went in there to clean the... Read more →

Literally wearin' the green

Aye! See, I want to talk Irish to you but I keep sounding like a pirate. Ahoy! It's St. Patrick's Day, matey! Arrrrrr! As I told you yesterday, with my cliffhanger headline, my Aunt Mary sent me a box of... Read more →

June drinks wine and blogs

I have to drive my car to the fix-my-car place, get it inspected, the oil changed, the taillight fixed and possibly have those eyelashes put on the headlights the way some people do, and because of all that, I gotta... Read more →

Bleak History Month

I feel like I have 109 things to tell you, which probably strikes fear into your heart. If you had one. You cold wench. First of all, Edsel barfed last night, I heard it while I was sleeping, which is... Read more →

Edsel gets daring

Every morning, I get up, let the dogs out (who, who, who?), make coffee and feed the pets. No matter how far back in the yard they are, the dogs hear their food hit the bowl. Dogs have good hearing,... Read more →

June has phat time at work Xmas party

When Naughty Pro came to get me to go to my Christmas party, I was completely unready. "I'M SO ALMOST READY!" I lied. Back when I lived in Seattle, my friend Marianne used to come over every Saturday morning to... Read more →

Or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong

Today I have my phone, my computer is charged, and? No photos to show you. I took zero photos yesterday. So I'll show you a picture of Tallulah dead in the bushes from when I dog-sat last week. Poor dead... Read more →

ForgotTitle

When Ned and I weren't letting love lift us up where we belong this weekend, we were playing with an app. I know. We've turned into those people. We might as well get a leather sectional. It's called Karen, and... Read more →

Everything and nothing

This is one of those days where I have no idea what Ima blog about. What I'm saying to you is, prepare to be deeply bored. Here's Ned at lunch the other day. Some days we both come home at... Read more →

June talks about food a lot, but is not on the MaryJane, she swears

We just got a new toaster and butter dish, and I have a collection of vintage slips. I was wearing my coral slip--in which I look fetching if you ask me--Sunday morning when I went out to get the paper... Read more →

We go together like a drink and a smile

I'm related to people who have an addiction to alcohol. I will not name names, although I suppose one of my grandfathers wouldn't have minded me telling you that he did, seeing as he was in AA for most of... Read more →

Downtown Juney Brown

I got to stay home today, seeing as in a smidgeon of time I will be knocked unconscious and any number of instruments will be crammed down my throat, such as a harp. I will literally be a harpy, finally.... Read more →

The Foot Festish Reader Will Love This One

On Saturday, or was it Sunday--you have no idea how many drugs I was doing. You know how I love the horse. If you wanna ride, don't ride the white horse. Is that song even about drugs? Or is it... Read more →