Bye Bye, Pie!

Pardon me boy, is this the cat that got-a chew chewed?

I have to get up at a ludicrous hour to get Iris from the emergency vet Monday a.m., as they are an emergency vet clinic and close at, like, 7:30 a.m., so I'm writing this Sunday night. Iris's still not... Read more →

Living like a college student w/out the cute body I had in college

I'm $54 overdrawn in my account, I get paid in TEN DAYS, and I just called Ned to borrow $100. I KNOW. You guys. I cannot keep living like this. If you wanna call that living. Seriously, though, here's how... Read more →

Freelance work is here

For the next week, I will be proofreading a textbook when I'm not at my regularly scheduled job. I will not be here a lot, and also if you know me in real life, I will not be phoning with... Read more →

The one where June's family assumes she's missing, has fit

I woke up Thursday with a migraine, which is annoying. When you wake up with one, there's really nothing you can do. It's often too late to take medicine. But took some I did, and fortunately it worked, so I... Read more →

Taquit-oh, June

Ned has to move. Did I tell you that? Our gaylord--well, HIS gaylord, is selling the place, a thing we distinctly asked him about in 2014 when we moved in, and he said he had no intention of selling. Of... Read more →

Beelzebub has a devil cat put aside for me

In case you've been on pins and also the needles re my sore throat, I seem to have rallied. Because I'm tough. But I'm fair. Also, yesterday I started a new headache study, which I can tell you very little... Read more →

All Thus

Pfft. I thought today I'd categorize the many areas of my life and update you on how they're going. I remember some friend of Ned's said there are five fingers to life, and I'm not going to remember them all.... Read more →

The Big Game

Yeah, well, so. I saw Ned again. I KNOW. Everything you're gonna tell me, I already know. I KNOW, okay? Goddammit. On Friday, I went to a goodbye party for one of the Alexes, one who's actually named Alex, and... Read more →

Ned sighting

I saw Ned. Fifty-five days I've been alternately avoiding running into him or, on difficult days, hoping I do. Fifty-five days I've been obsessing, and being angry, and then missing him, then feeling determined and OH HELL THIS IS RIDICULOUS.... Read more →

She's mite-y mite-y, just lettin' it all hang out

I know that since you got the news yesterday about my dust mite allergy that you've been hoping and praying and writing your congressmen and so on, but I'm still here. I want my bravery to inspire others. I particularly... Read more →

Save June

Yesterday was a queer day. Did you ever see The Color Purple, when Celie says that about the weather? "It was a queer day." I always liked that line. When I was a kid, the word "queer" was all over... Read more →

Facing June Addiction

Yesterday, I got up early to go to the allergy doctor. I hurried around, and tore over there to be on time, and when I got there, right at 8:00? They were closed. I walked up to the door and... Read more →

Oh, I'd like to, but I have to translate Mandarin

Well, I did it. I lived through my anniversary with Ned without caving and talking to him. It's now been 40 days since I've seen him. So basically he's Lent. I mostly just tried to not be swallowed by my... Read more →

Tea for the kittenman

When that stupid alarm goes off, here's what I usually do: My phone is often charging next to me, so I can get brain cancer or whatever later in life. I like to ensure my future. So I grab the... Read more →

In which there are photos of my pets

It's been five weeks since my last root dying (bless me, Father, for I have sinned) and if you're anything like me (God help you) (very God-y post today), you know how THAT is. Roots for days. And because it's... Read more →

Working and praying and living and dying in this town

June reflects. Cause she's shiny. There's a fine line between telling the truth as much as you can on a blog, which I try to do, and exposing someone else's story. Just because you choose to tell all your shit... Read more →

That's why the Juney is a tramp.

Why does Edsel have to go outside and bark bark bark? The neighbors must hate me. Can't he just enjoy outdoors? Sniff a rock and survey his domain in silence, the way Tallulah did? But no. Instead, he tears over... Read more →

What is a "capade," anyway? Are there ever Land Capades?

"Oh, good. It's that time of year that June makes us look at her daily Christmas cup. And also at the makeup smudges on her desk." And her beaming-up dog. Yesterday was Tallulah's birthday, but I tried not to dwell... Read more →

June thinks she's funny, screws up

There's a new guy at work, and they put him next to me because clearly they loathe him, and I was reading your most-hated Christmas songs yesterday and laughing out loud. Ell Oh Ell-ing, as they say. And by "they"... Read more →

June kvetches. How many posts start with that?

"That Santa is out in front of The Friendly Center," announced Ned on the phone. The Friendly Center is this outdoor shopping place that's probably been around since the '50s, and they keep adding elaborate stores like Apple and Anthropologie.... Read more →

Coffee break

"How rich was Mr. Howell, do you think?" I asked Ned. He was helping me do things, miserable things, around the house. "Really rich," said Ned. "In the opening credits, they called him The Millionaire. ...Of course, if he was... Read more →

If you do not enjoy the F word, this is not the post for you

How long do you allow between coats of paint? I'm painting my windowsill today, and please to enjoy my fine photo of the windowsill. It's like you're right here with me. If you had glaucoma. I just finished it at... Read more →

Cat on a cold tile roof

(June blogs = you have something to read = avoid your families) Last weekend, I was helping Ned change his sheets because I ...sprinted over there. You know I like to do an early-morning long run on weekends. Actually, we... Read more →

June runs late. Paula feels tense.

I have no idea how I ran so late today, but here it is. I was gonna tell you all about Ned letting me watch the Real Housewives reunion at his house last night, seeing as I heroically got rid... Read more →

On the third day she rose again

On Thursday, I went to work like a normal person, and got m'roots done after. That was the last time I was living like regular folk. I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging migraine, and... Read more →

The house began to pitch. And I'm a bitch.

"Marvin's getting married this weekend," I told Ned, "I feel nothing." "See? That, right there. That scares the SHIT outta me. What if one day, after all this, you feel nothing for me?" I knew Ned was pointing at me... Read more →

Retro June

Yesterday at work I went back to copy editing. I asked if I could do so some months ago, and they said okay, but you have to wait till we get other editors in here, so I waited, and then... Read more →

The mother and childish reunion

In a fit of fiscal responsibility, I canceled my cable about a week ago, and then last night I realized I was gonna miss the intellectually stimulating Real Housewives of Orange Country reunion special. I wasn't even gonna see Ned... Read more →

For six nights in a row

SCREEEEEEEEECH! That's what woke me up this morning, a few minutes before my alarm: SCREEEEEEEEECH! "That's actually coming from outside my head," I realized, and then I wondered if someone was being murdered. Exciting! "Coooo! Cooo! Cooooo!" I heard then,... Read more →

I really thought y'all were gonna write my name in

What I'm not going to do? Drone on about politics when half of you feel one way, half feel the opposite. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you. What I am going to do? Make you hear about... Read more →

Dewey Defeats Truman

I gots to go. I have to get in the car, drive to freaking Raleigh, get on a plane and fly to Michigan. I'm running for president and thought I'd better get on the campaign trail. That would so be... Read more →