Bye Bye, Pie!

Joe Lies

I be Hutch. Wear be Starskee? hahahahahaha Anyway. I hadn't had my eyebrows waxed since Wilford Brimley was a child, so I went to Elegant Nail & Tan, which I realize suggests all kinds of featured services that do not... Read more →

The Big Game

Yeah, well, so. I saw Ned again. I KNOW. Everything you're gonna tell me, I already know. I KNOW, okay? Goddammit. On Friday, I went to a goodbye party for one of the Alexes, one who's actually named Alex, and... Read more →

June gets stuck on a thing

I'm trying to think of what I did all weekend that kept me from blogging. Since blogs are out, shouldn't I come up with another verb? Website-ing. By the way, there's a woman at work who's our social person, and... Read more →

Moo. Yakety yakety yakety.

Edsel stuck his paw straight up my nose this morning. Managed to get a claw in each nostril, and now m'nose hurts. So I gotta fit a trip to the pound in along with my regular duties. Maybe I could... Read more →

Xmastime is XXXciting

Okay, this isn't nearly as dirty of a post as my title made it seem. However, two of the young hot blonde Alexes came over--and, again, this is not a dirty post. But they did come over; I never thought... Read more →

Today I can't think of a title. Post-migraine fog.

I had this snappy plastic lid that I used to cover the other half of Steely Dan's canned food, as he eats half a can at a time. Correction: he WOLFS half a can at a time. There's no trouble... Read more →

Pudding?

Would you like to know what annoys me? "Wait. June. Something annoys you?" When people use trite phrases. For example, remember in The Wizard of Oz, when they said, "Lions and tigers and bears--oh, my!" It bugs me when people... Read more →

But the liver and child reunion is only a motion away

I probably shouldn't be workout buddies with my ex-boyfriend, but so what. If you'll recall, from your Big Book of June Events, Ned was complaining of neck pain, and with my medical degree and minor in psychology, I determined he... Read more →

Sloe Gin. Take it easy.

This weekend, I went to this antique shop I like-- ...aaaaaand I just bit my canker sore. GODDAMMIT. I've been eating a lot of tomatoes, so naturally then I got a canker sore, and it won't go away, till finally... Read more →

Mrs. Robinson has a weekend

This weekend, I saw the most beautiful man I've ever seen, surprised Marty Martin, entertained my Aunt Mary, and saw my friend Marianne. It was a very M weekend. So, my aunt and uncle have been here since Wednesday, and... Read more →

You wrote it you watch it

The other day, my friend Paula came to town, and I've referred to it so often now that you're probably expecting her to have a Pope hat. Paula was my coworker in Seattle, then my friend in Seattle, then my... Read more →

June talks. People ignore.

Yesterday, my friend Paula came to town, because of course Heart was playing somewhere in North Carolina, and you know how she follows around the band Heart. Big Book of June Events. Page 167. You also know (BBoJE page 796)... Read more →

11:40, a sacred time everyone knew about but June. Oh, also, kitten.

My problem is, I'm not attracted to wealth and power. Like, look at Candace Bergen. She married two men who weren't that pretty, but rich? Hells yeah, they were rich. And she must have slept with them, right? Or how... Read more →

I pity the Blu

7:28 a.m. I am currently drinking coffee--what addiction?--out of my Mr. Tea mug that Marty and Kaye got me some years back, that remains one of my favorites. Do you have favorite mugs? Do you wait till it's that mug's... Read more →

June gets a birthday eve eve surprise

Bonne Bell 10:06 Lotion p.m. Let me tell you something. Work has been kicking my ASS this week, and it's not likely to get better anytime soon. So I was really looking forward to leaving work today and heading out... Read more →

Lottie: knee-high by the 4th of July

I thought I'd fill you in on my many activities so far this holiday weekend, and by "many" I mean "June is fairly pathetic." On Friday, we got out early, so I took advantage of that extra time to come... Read more →

Women friends. There's a topic.

There's a woman at work, one of the Alexes who's actually named Alex and not some hapless coworker I've roped into the name because I'm hilarious. This Alex is making a gift basket for someone she knows who's had some... Read more →

The weekend. As told by Joon Gardens.

This is why you can't let puppies out your sight for even one minute. This is why my days are spent never deep sitting anymore, but rather bounding up constantly whenever that dog toddles out of the room. And have... Read more →

Blew chunks and yellow dogs

Lottie had the trow-ups last night, but she's okay today. Did any of you ever read that blog, Blue Skies and Yellow Dogs? She doesn't blog anymore, but she had this hilarious housekeeper who'd leave her long notes, often about... Read more →

Mathletic showdown: June and her mom chisanbop

It's official: I'm an old lady. And not just cause I have to go down my steps sideways like a crab. I just got home for lunch and I saw my roses bloomed and you'd think Morris Chestnut was in... Read more →

Xeralpholopia

I'm home for lunch. I didn't blop at you this morning because I was up till freaking one in the morning. A, I wasn't tired and 2, I was doing statistics proofreading. So my point is I didn't bound out... Read more →

The Saturday that feels like Sunday

If you're a parent, lemme just ask you something hypothetically. Let's say you're, oh, to throw a scenario out there, at Target with your kid on a busy Saturday afternoon. Let's say your kid is crying loudly in the cart,... Read more →

Why so chubby, Big Cheesecake?

Oh my GOD, why do I have all these pets? The second the alarm went off, Tallulah started groaning, and how bad do you feel hitting snooze and making cancer dog wait. So I got up. So then the cats... Read more →

Bleak History Month

I feel like I have 109 things to tell you, which probably strikes fear into your heart. If you had one. You cold wench. First of all, Edsel barfed last night, I heard it while I was sleeping, which is... Read more →

June decides to blame it on the boogie

This is the best picture I could get of Tallulah enjoying her a burrito last night. It's hard to feed your dog a burrito and take a photo at the same time. Need to go on Amazon and order the... Read more →

New year! New--oh, screw it.

Don't you wish Dick Clark were still alive so you could make fun of him and feel terrible about yourself? Now there's only Ryan Seacrest to make fun of, and that's shooting fish in a barrel. HELLO! HAPPY NEW FUCKING... Read more →

The one where June convinces self that 2016 will be HER YEAR! The one where June does that every year, and look how 2015 turned out.

Here we are, at the end of this damn year. On New Year's Eve of last year, Ned and I got into a fight, and I spent the entire night in my room, crying, with a bottle of wine. I... Read more →

Don't be rash

I just used the new shampoo and conditioner that my aunt sent me--it's fancy stuff--and then when I emerged from the shower, I said. "What's that red dot on my arm? ...Hey, what's that other red dot on my arm?"... Read more →

The pot returns

When we last spoke, it was Christmas--and you know how I love it, give me Christmas 40 times a year. At any rate, I was blogging at you and everything was copacetic till the phone rang. It was Ned. Dun... Read more →

June's end-of-the-year video

In order to avoid proofreading my statistics textbook, I made this end-of-year video this weekend, as I am wont to do at the end of every year. But I just noticed 24 people have already looked at it on YouTube,... Read more →

Edsel gets daring

Every morning, I get up, let the dogs out (who, who, who?), make coffee and feed the pets. No matter how far back in the yard they are, the dogs hear their food hit the bowl. Dogs have good hearing,... Read more →