Bye Bye, Pie!

Removing the '70s bush

I know you're sick of hearing me talk about how I'm eating the flaxseed muffins I made myself yesterday, with whole-wheat flour, which who even knew that was a thing. But lemme tell you, I outdid myself. They.Are.Delicious. I've been... Read more →

Say "mulch" one more time

I had ideas about what I was gonna write about today and then I sat down and ...blank. ...Oh! Mulch! Yes. I came home for lunch and there was poor Chris of Chris and Lilly, unloading m'mulch. With a big... Read more →

The hole in your soul is shaped like a Ho-Ho

Because of the holiday weekend, I forgot that Sunday was Sunday and therefore I did not exfoliate using my microdermabrasion, but before you panic, I did remember today. I should probably not scare you like that. It's from Mary Kay.... Read more →

June wishes you'd watch her whip and/or nae nae

Just now, when I let Edsel out for his morning constitutional (weee the edzuls of united states, in ordur to form more purfect onion...wut you mean it not onion?), when I opened the door, an enormous bird of prey was... Read more →

Right here right now

I left the nine hundred seventy billion thousand and forty-six dead leaves that I am attempting to rake up in the back yard and came in here to blog at you very fast. Here I am. The one that you... Read more →

Cloris Gardens

First of all, you know how I said on Friday night I went to see my friend Charlie's art exhibit? Sometime Saturday morning, Charlie fell and broke his neck. I KNOW! And I actually did that thing where I said,... Read more →

Throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind. Or, June does flowerspeak.

I went out for a giant Americano with Dick Whitman yesterday, at 5:00 p.m. Guess what was a stupid idea. There I was at midnight, like Bono. "I'm wide awake! WIDE AWAKE! WIIIIDE AWAAAAKKE! I'm not sleeping." Did he really... Read more →

Did I mention I hate my computer?

Blogging from work would be wrong. And that is why I am not doing it right now. Computer COMPLETELY dead at home. Dead. Dead dead dead. Stick a fork in it. The fat lady has sung. Unfortunately, that fat lady... Read more →

One of those annoying posts where many topics are discussed

1. Last night I was chatting with The Fireman, and I said, "I have to go. I have to pull weeds before it gets dark" and he said, "Again? You seem to...do that a lot." I have only known the... Read more →

RIP. Not so much.

My weekend? Pretty good, other than when the dogs dug up my dead cat. Yours? I KNOW. How ludicrous is my life? How ludicrous is poor Frannie's death? He never did like those dogs. Guess who got the last laugh... Read more →

June gets picky

I'm up. It's 7:30 a.m. on a Sunday. Apparently I am easily trainable, like a German shepherd. I do have a lot of German in me. So to speak. But one week of getting up at 7:00 and whooo! here... Read more →

Ferrous Sulfate's Day Off

I decided what made me ill yesterday was taking my two iron pills way too close together on Sunday. Since I was all busy getting ready and visiting God and everything, I forgot to take it till late afternoon, then... Read more →

Barf, poop, spiders, embroidered sweatshirts, 11 herbs and spices

I woke up this morning to the sound of Edsel hurling. I do not know if he 's hung over or what his story is, although he has relatively new puppy food--I got it Monday before I went crashing into... Read more →

Spring. A lovely time to deal with your fibroids.

Spring in the South is lovely. My feeling is for every time you have to see a Confederate flag, you also get to see this: That's one of the trees in my front yard. Isn't it pretty? And pink? Also,... Read more →

In which you all come charging at me with torches if I mention the "h" word again

FIN! Ima keep it just like that, with nothing on it or in it. I worked so hard on the thing; I'd hate to ruin it with stuff marring it. Okay, here it is with stuff. Marvin has packed a... Read more →

Team Fibroid

Beleaguered April, the nurse who assists my doctor, called me at 3:18 yesterday. "Miss June? You got a fibroid." Well. I'm glad I spent $900 to learn WHAT I ALREADY KNEW. Okay, you spent $900 so I could learn what... Read more →

Straight outta the garden

It's Saturday. Yesterday it was 72 degrees here, and it is sunny and warmish here again. Do you feel like you are reading the diary of someone from 1912? Why did they always report the weather? The point of me... Read more →

June cleans

I wish I could begin to tell you how many hours I spent yesterday trying to get stubborn soap scum off my bathtub. I realize this makes me (a) boring and (b) boring, and also a Stepford Wife who is... Read more →

Cranky June

Oh, please. Like I have time to blog. Do you understand just HOW MANY Sopranos episodes there are? Also too, Marvin and I are cleaning up the back yard, which looks like depressed drug addicts own it. Depressed drug addicts... Read more →

Fred

Is nothing sacred? This is where the cats are supposed to perch, not the dogs. Plus, I love his "What'd I say?" piano-playing feets. He was being more than bad. And pianistic. He was being a tattle-tale. I was in... Read more →

It's here! Wake the kids! The day June talks about her bulbs!

I worked until 11:00 last night. And what I am today? Attractive. Also? Perky. Plus? Attractive. Also incidentally, could it be raining any harder? I know some people say the rain helps them sleep, but I just splayed there in... Read more →

June stalks a reader

Every once in awhile, a faithful reader will email me to tell me they had a dream about me, and they always offer the caveat that they are not a stalker. I do not know why they have to assure... Read more →

June Gardens' almost-June garden

Here it is. Memorial Day weekend. Are you barbecuing out? Are you beer bonging? Are you hitting that beach? Me neither. I told Marvin we could (a) paint the living room, (b) clean up the back yard foliage, or (12)... Read more →

Honeymoon keeps a-shinin' on June

You know what it is here in the South in May? Hot. And for those of you where it's still, you know, 44 or whatever? That's fine. Don't feel inadequate. It's cute..on you. Really. It's fine. So I was out... Read more →

The bush administration

Okay, just one more Uncle Jim story and then I will stop. For awhile there, my uncle had to have physical therapists come to his house. While my saintly Aunt Sue talked to said therapists, Uncle Jim sat behind her... Read more →

In which June discusses everything and nothing

It is 11:07 a.m. and I am printing out a job to proofread and drinking coffee out of my Bye Bye, Pie mug. It has been awhile since I hawked my merchandise. Be cool! Buy Bye Bye, Pie! merchandise! Wow.... Read more →

Shock the monkey

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when Marvin picked up my Oprah magazine. " 'Oprah's battle with food is over,' " he read. Then he said, "Food won." It was one of those terrible things he says that... Read more →