Bye Bye, Pie!

Pee ditty

Would you like to know what annoys me? First of all, gird your loins: Something annoys me. "I heard a noise at 3 a.m. in the morning!" What do you think a.m. stands for, dillweed? It means THE MORNING. Why... Read more →

Eight paws on my heart. What a jerk.

It's super cold and snowy here. And also too, remember when I put the computer in the back in November, when I wasn't thinking how this used to be a back porch? Yeah. Toasty. And don't feel sorry for that... Read more →

Catch you on the flip side, Davy. Oh. Also? Tallulalina Jowlie.

In the past 24 hours, Iris slept on my head, Edsel bit me, and poor Davy Jones died. Who gets his locker? I liked Davy Jones. I mean, didn't we all? And one of my fancy LA friends just told... Read more →

I had a dream, too. Mine just sucked, is all.

I had a dream. I had a dream that I was vehemently arguing with someone that "e.g." was really a thing. No, seriously, I had a dream about that. "It's LATIN!" I was yelling. And this is why there isn't... Read more →

I've been looking so long at these picture's of you

I forgot to tell you that when I was on my date with Dick Whitman the other night, I read his tarot cards. He is going to meet a Libra in October and I already hate that wench. Anyway, he... Read more →

June in the trenches

Today I am wearing a gray shirt with a gray and clear necklace and I cannot get enough of myself in it, but for some reason the web camera is now refusing to come on and why must everything break?... Read more →

I procrastinate every day.

Okay, I've been seeing this transgression a lot again lately, so let's review. I wear my everyday clothes every day. I know you are sick of hearing me say that, but WHY CAN'T PEOPLE GET IT? You don't write, "This... Read more →

Mona Lisa in yoga class. It's just a funny visual.

I stayed up till 11:00 last night to watch Mad Men, so you know I have no personality today. I will be brief and to the point. It'll be like a man wrote this. 1) How is everyone doing on... Read more →

And another thing

It's not "kindeegarden." The word is kindergarten. Why did people even start thinking it was kindeegarden in the first place? Some people even say "kinneegarden," as the man who READS THE NEWS on my morning radio show did today. You... Read more →

Ask June

Faithful reader Catherine of Our Lady of Perfection--and by the way, she is also a proofreader and who is angry she didn't think of the blog name Our Lady of Perfection for her own self?--was waking a loved one this... Read more →

But as for Santa and me, we believe

Okay, Christmas cards, done. Even though I ran out halfway through and had to go to the card store and buy more. Which by the way has never happened to me EVER and I figured out it happened this year... Read more →

Vermont Country Store. For all your holiday and correct-English needs

You know how I get. I was ordering something for my mother's birthday, which is coming right up. I am sure reader Deborah, who has disappeared ever since my mother yelled at her in the comments a few months back,... Read more →

And speaking of fat...

...would the correct sentence be: I ate a Sonic chili cheese dog again and all I can taste ARE onions, or is it all I can taste IS onions? Read more →

Where I am both Miss Havisham and Cathy from the Cathy comic in one post. But at least I'm no longer discussing my butt.

I am annoyed with TJ Maxx, TNT, and People.com. I have written ALL THREE of them last week to tell them about grammatical errors they have made, and are they writing me back? No. Do they think I am some... Read more →

I'd walk a mile for a Camel. But my pedometer would say I walked .70.

I am the only person you know who has a nervous fit over a pedometer. Yesterday I decided to go up to the attic, not because I was hoping Greg Brady lived up there, but because it seems like we... Read more →

See, in ATM, the "M" is for "machine," so you don't need to say "ATM machine"

Guess what I forgot? I forgot I had a hair appointment yesterday! I made her straighten me out (good luck). Do you like my "clutching of the pearls" pose, there? I have no idea why I'm doing that. I know... Read more →

Intensive care about this subject

No, no, it IS "For all intents and purposes"! What I was saying was I hate it when people say, "For all intensive purposes" thinking that's what the phrase is. I would hate to start a trend of people saying... Read more →

Shameless orange ink girl

As I have said before -- and really, what HAVEN'T I said before? -- we have a full-time nurse at work, whose objective in life is to fix us should we be sick or injured, and also to provide us... Read more →

In which I mention many things. A myriad. Did you know it's acceptable to say "a myriad of" and just "myriad"?

No, really. You can say, "Here's a myriad of crap for you to read" or "Here's myriad crap for ya." The English language. It's not for everyone. Ooo, hang on. That reminds me, I wrote a terse email to People... Read more →

Zzzzzzzzz...

Who wants to go to sleep RIGHT NOW? Don't you hate stupid daylight savings? Did you know the official name for it is Daylight-Saving Time, with the hyphen and the singular like that? Doesn't that bug you? Doesn't it similarly... Read more →

Serenity NOW!

Man, Polly, quit cryin', you take one day off and the whole world yells at you! Miss Doxie hasn't posted in four months, and I don't see any of you yelling at HER! Man! So, do you want to hear... Read more →