Bye Bye, Pie!

Somebody better put your bag into your place

Yesterday's family stories were hilarious. I knew I'd like them. All day I wanted to tell you my friend Dave's family story, one of 3949493944 of them that he has, but I was doing that pesky work thing, and then... Read more →

Marzo Thomas

Look how well my daisies are doing! ...I got flowers for our receptionist on Valentine's Day, and I over bought and couldn't fit all of the flowers into one vase, so I was all, "Guess I own daisies now." And... Read more →

Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.

Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal,... Read more →

Dude looks like a Junie

I made it all week on my remaining $10, and then payday came and hello mortgage, but still, we got Christmas bonuses this year and you guys donated $10 apiece to celebrate my 10 years of blogging (oh, did you... Read more →

Oh, good. I get to read about someone's trip.

I hate brunch. There's the part where you're expected to get up, WITH NO FOOD OR COFFEE IN YOU, and head to some crowded restaurant, then wait in a lobby for a hundred minutes. Then always--ALWAYS!!--some asshole party of 10... Read more →

House O' Hurr

Yesterday I got my 10,000 steps in, did 35 minutes of Tracy Chapman, and then sat down to watch Real Housewives with a bag of Fritos. And this is why I hate myself. Oh, also I walked Edsel yesterday, and... Read more →

Pit act-shun

Today's another Astonishing June-Hair Day. Iris can't even look at me. See what I did, there? I really need a new back door. The bottom's all rotted off, and have I mentioned how broke? What unexpected car purchase? What two... Read more →

Pudding?

Would you like to know what annoys me? "Wait. June. Something annoys you?" When people use trite phrases. For example, remember in The Wizard of Oz, when they said, "Lions and tigers and bears--oh, my!" It bugs me when people... Read more →

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

Yes, I'm posting on Saturday. Hello! {hello hello hello hello} Echo! {echo echo echo echo} I don't know why I bother. But hello, one and a half people who are homebound for whatever reason. I guess now that it's half... Read more →

I pity the Blu

7:28 a.m. I am currently drinking coffee--what addiction?--out of my Mr. Tea mug that Marty and Kaye got me some years back, that remains one of my favorites. Do you have favorite mugs? Do you wait till it's that mug's... Read more →

The one where June talks about her hair

Almost the very minute I pressed "Publish" yesterday on my post, as soon as I'd said to you, "A Charismatic Attractive always forgets your birthday. The Low-Key Reliable never does," I realized my friend Dottie's birthday came and went and... Read more →

June's Rose Gold

Last night, I got my formidable roots done, and also, we've hired a very cute woman at work who's adorable, with purple roots and then long-ish lavender hair. Everyone at work wants to be her all of a sudden. "Remember... Read more →

Luncheon with June

Oh, I was sleeping so NICELY this morning. Lottie did her usual waking at 6:00 thing, which we have down to a science. She whines once, I get up, still asleep, walk her outside, she pees, and without saying a... Read more →

Edsel's hunger games

Edsel won't eat breakfast. I mean, he WILL, because I stood over his bowl and made him, but he didn't want to. Is there anything more disconcerting than a dog who won't eat? Last night I put the kibosh on... Read more →

If I kin hep ya

I don't want you to get too excited, and I realize you still have to concentrate on your families and jobs and so on, but I have an exciting update: I'm trying new deodorant. I KNOW! I ran out of... Read more →

JuneHair

Ned sent me this picture of Lily last night. When NedKitty disappears behind this curtain, she's a regular Wizard of Oz, so hide-y is she. Lily doesn't quite have the hide-all-your-parts part fleshed out. that not true. yu not see... Read more →

Clair de Lunatic

Last night I dreamed that I came home from work and went in to take a nap, and I felt Ned come lie down next to me. Then I woke up with a jolt and realized I was in my... Read more →

Oh, sorry

We have a greenway near work, and one of the Alexes was walking on it when she stumbled upon a man having a time with himself. She didn't literally stumble upon him, thank god. Anyway, when she noticed him, he... Read more →

Where Ellen DeGeneres gets on 20-year-old skinny June

My cousin Maria sent me this picture and I've never seen it before. I know from that nice perm that I am 20 years old there. This is the summer I met Marvin and he didn't like me. LOOK HOW... Read more →

The one where June gay marries some cobbler

Well, it's official. Ned is now 50. He wasn't able to get that decision reversed or anything. If you want the abbreviated version of Ned's birthday, because you have to run or something, it was sex, food, thunderstorm, sex, Tracy... Read more →

We're here for my hair

I noticed Iris on the landing, just hoping to trip and kill one of us. Then she can go in for our arteries while we're still warm. She also knocks any glasses you may have left on any surface down... Read more →

I am sick of my hair

Suggestions, please. And I KNOW. The roots. Just got them done three Saturdays ago. Going again tomorrow. Read more →

What in the world

Your suggestions are rolling in, not literally because how could a suggestion literally roll in, of which posts I should put in a book. They've ranged from you sending 20 from one month (Slutty Pancakes) to just one or two.... Read more →

Like Snow White

My roots just shot clean out my head in the past couple days. "That's cause you're mad," said my student yesterday. She said it with utter confidence, like she was an anger/follicle expert. "When you get mad, your hair comes... Read more →

I have the feeling Ima be just as annoying in 2015.

It's the end of the year, FYI, and time for my end-of-year veedeo, and you've been around a long time if you know why I say "veedeo." So long, 2014! You weren't all bad. (Click on the white "2014 Be... Read more →

Crap. Forgot a Title.

All if ever does is rain here. I mean, Christmas day was sunny, but that was like 49 days ago, right? I don't even know what day it is, other than we're at that weird purgatory between Christmas and Dick... Read more →

June blogs while she waits for her root dye to work

Normal people's hair grows a quarter of an inch per month. Knowing that I had my color done just last month and now there's a considerable white line striping down the center of me like I'm some sort of Dolly... Read more →

All work and no play make June a dull girl

Ned is back--yay!!--from his work trip, and I like how I went from being someone who lived alone for three and a half years to being scared at night without him in only three weeks. When I got home, he... Read more →

Shag

Ned and I have been dating for two years, eight months and four days, but who's counting. At some point, we've developed a little routine. This is mostly because Ned is a very routine-y person, whereas we all consider ourselves... Read more →

A thousand words.

When I was at my mother's house a few weeks ago, I found this picture of my Aunt Kathy (left) and mom in polka dots, back in 1975. It was my Uncle Jim's wedding. Look how hot they are! I... Read more →

peeee peee peeee peeee

I'm gonna tell you what I did this weekend, and it'll be just like when you're at the coffeemaker at work, and you ask someone how their weekend was, and they drone on about it for 78 minutes. So get... Read more →