Bye Bye, Pie!

Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder

I hate podcasts. I'm SORRY. I'm sure your sister's really is magnificent. I'm sure if I just tried [insert fucking podcast here]...or gave a listen to...or have I heard...? Yeah, no. I'm not going to like any of those, either.... Read more →

Beelzebub has a devil cat put aside for me

In case you've been on pins and also the needles re my sore throat, I seem to have rallied. Because I'm tough. But I'm fair. Also, yesterday I started a new headache study, which I can tell you very little... Read more →

Save June

Yesterday was a queer day. Did you ever see The Color Purple, when Celie says that about the weather? "It was a queer day." I always liked that line. When I was a kid, the word "queer" was all over... Read more →

Lord, make me an instrument ...that doesn't gag me

Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor, because my throat is still bothering me. Do you remember about a year and a half ago when they put me out and checked my throat because it always feels like it's... Read more →

byebyepie + 10

Today is the 10-year anniversary of me blogging, and I am certain you are delighted that day is finally upon us, as you are sick to death of my shit. (These are pictures I found when I Googled byebyepie +... Read more →

What is a "capade," anyway? Are there ever Land Capades?

"Oh, good. It's that time of year that June makes us look at her daily Christmas cup. And also at the makeup smudges on her desk." And her beaming-up dog. Yesterday was Tallulah's birthday, but I tried not to dwell... Read more →

Retro June

Yesterday at work I went back to copy editing. I asked if I could do so some months ago, and they said okay, but you have to wait till we get other editors in here, so I waited, and then... Read more →

Here come ol' flattop

I just spent forever waiting for my toast to pop up outta my Hello Kitty toaster, and as soon as I gave up and sat down here, it popped. Goddammit. Anyway, thanks for your comments yesterday, and to those of... Read more →

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

Yes, I'm posting on Saturday. Hello! {hello hello hello hello} Echo! {echo echo echo echo} I don't know why I bother. But hello, one and a half people who are homebound for whatever reason. I guess now that it's half... Read more →

Undercover June

Morning. Do I sound intimidating? I've been watching a lot of Undercover Boss, and thank god my weekends mean a lot lately. Undercover Boss is where a CEO or president or whatever hoo-hah of a major company (7-Eleven, 1-800-Flowers, Waste... Read more →

The one where Edsel is a bad-ass. It's like I said Richard Simmons is in a gang.

A time. Morning-ish. When we last spoke--and why didn't you ever call me last night to say you got in okay?--I said I'd tell about all the places I stopped working at, and how I yelled at someone in a... Read more →

Eff. Yay!

Someone just told a dick joke. So, how is everyone? Don't answer. I don't actually care. Don't you wish you could say that to the coworker who actually tells you how their weekend was? Speaking of coworkers, the woman who... Read more →

Mike and the bittwersweet croc

7:19 a.m. This morning I was peeing, and Lottie ran in, took the toilet paper off the holder, and ran off. You know how all your life you've said, How can anyone beat a puppy? I have your answer. Numbers... Read more →

June saves all of her coworkers from a burning building. You're welcome, coworkers.

Who is the DELIGHTFUL individual who sent me these? They're Jo Malone fragrances, and they come in really excellent scents. Last night I sprayed on Nectarine Blossom and Honey, then later because I'm obsessed I sprayed on Blackberry and Bay.... Read more →

Stampeding toward Evelyn

I never did tell you why I got mad at the vet's office, and stormed out, and it's official. Get the papers in order. I have become my grandmother. Since 2008--way back in aught eight, when I moved here, I've... Read more →

June has finally lost it.

This is why I should not be left to my own devices. Also, Lottie. Cockblocks m'talent. "Talent." Read more →

Give June Advice Day

My nose and I saw Iris last night. Also, Edsel broke the blinds. I abhor Edsel currently. Because I want new blinds anyway, and can I afford them? No. Blind Iris is in front of my broken blinds. The blind... Read more →

Everyone has everyone else's circular

I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was way busy crying. Oh my god, with the weepage. it cud not be lotteee falt, cud it? Also, deer ant Poet: thank for for bone. lottee obsess. As you know, from your... Read more →

Chaos theory

I've been thinking a lot about why I got that puppy, who I STILL MISS and think about ALL THE TIME. Why'd I do that to myself? Ned used to accuse me of creating drama in my life, and it... Read more →

June is in a sparkling mood

My mood is sparkling. Did I mention that? My computer has been a DICK all weekend, and I hate everything right now. This is my third attempt at writing something, and we'll see if it even sticks. Did I mention... Read more →

Mini and Mickey Stroke

I have a first date tonight. I got asked out by someone who said, "Would you like to have a no-pressure drink with me?" I said the only way I'd go is if we had an extremely high-pressure drink--for example,... Read more →

Old paint

I felt distinctly unwell this morning. "Maybe you're pregnant!" said my hilarious mother, and I'd like to once again bring up Shady Pines. But speaking of Shady Pines, my...lady time did not arrive this month. There was no flying of... Read more →

Sluttus Americanus

On Sunday, I technically had three dates. Here I am at the end of the day. I look worn out. I know, man. When you've got All This. I think what really lures them is when they find out how... Read more →

Belle Waddling

Gone With the Wind was on TCM last night, did you watch it? I did. I thought I'd tune in to that movie for once, see what it was all about. Am I the only person who watches a movie... Read more →

June sees a psychic. Finds out the future. So after today you won't have to read this dumb blog anymore. You'll know what's gonna happen.

On Sunday, I went with my coworker Alex to see the psychic, the one from 2011. I don't mean the psychic was born in 2011, which would make her something of a prodigy. I also don't mean she's from the... Read more →

You know what I had today? Turkey leftovers. Read on for more fascinating facts.

In case you were thinking it was a nightmare to travel on Thanksgiving day, you would be wrong. WRONG! I hope this causes you to hang your head in shame, and perhaps the village will stone you just a little.... Read more →

June discusses cell phones and also Henry's feets

You know, I think this current design of my blog is the longest I've kept one look going. The woman who designs it seems to not do TypePad-related work anymore, so I sometimes cursorily look for a new designer, then... Read more →

The (wo)man upstairs

I know you've thought of little else since we last spoke, so I'll tell you right off the bat that I love the new deodorant. June gives it two pits up. And by "pits," I don't mean Tallulah. I'm writing... Read more →

If I kin hep ya

I don't want you to get too excited, and I realize you still have to concentrate on your families and jobs and so on, but I have an exciting update: I'm trying new deodorant. I KNOW! I ran out of... Read more →

She wants to TALK, June said, like that was the worst thing on earth.

The controversial paper towels. I cannot believe how long you people can discuss a thing, in the comments. Anyway, here are the pretty paper towels Ned bought to seduce the ladies, and it's workin' on ME anyway, because every spill... Read more →

Here's what I did at lunch rather than blog. I mean, (a), I ignored all your ideas...

At least I'm sort of unsmiling again, so I'm sticking with my theme. Read more →