Bye Bye, Pie!

Taquit-oh, June

Ned has to move. Did I tell you that? Our gaylord--well, HIS gaylord, is selling the place, a thing we distinctly asked him about in 2014 when we moved in, and he said he had no intention of selling. Of... Read more →

The Big Game

Yeah, well, so. I saw Ned again. I KNOW. Everything you're gonna tell me, I already know. I KNOW, okay? Goddammit. On Friday, I went to a goodbye party for one of the Alexes, one who's actually named Alex, and... Read more →

Ned sighting

I saw Ned. Fifty-five days I've been alternately avoiding running into him or, on difficult days, hoping I do. Fifty-five days I've been obsessing, and being angry, and then missing him, then feeling determined and OH HELL THIS IS RIDICULOUS.... Read more →

June gets stuck on a thing

I'm trying to think of what I did all weekend that kept me from blogging. Since blogs are out, shouldn't I come up with another verb? Website-ing. By the way, there's a woman at work who's our social person, and... Read more →

Facing June Addiction

Yesterday, I got up early to go to the allergy doctor. I hurried around, and tore over there to be on time, and when I got there, right at 8:00? They were closed. I walked up to the door and... Read more →

Lord, make me an instrument ...that doesn't gag me

Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor, because my throat is still bothering me. Do you remember about a year and a half ago when they put me out and checked my throat because it always feels like it's... Read more →

For six nights in a row

SCREEEEEEEEECH! That's what woke me up this morning, a few minutes before my alarm: SCREEEEEEEEECH! "That's actually coming from outside my head," I realized, and then I wondered if someone was being murdered. Exciting! "Coooo! Cooo! Cooooo!" I heard then,... Read more →

Hurr-icane

So, it's hurricane-al here. I mean, it's raining nonstop and also hard and the park is flooded and it's blowy out and Edsel won't pee. I had to walk into the yard with him this morning, getting my pajamas wet,... Read more →

Our Lady of Perpetual Calendars

I'm having some Greek honey yogurt with some almonds, and every time I eat Greek yogurt I feel like I'm eating just a teensy piece of Faithful Greek Reader Fay. Look how this blog has affected my life. When we... Read more →

June and the lesbian kitten

Here's my problem. (I act like I have only the one.) I get bored, then I set up too much stuff in my life, then I get overwhelmed at the chaos and cut stuff out, and then I get bored... Read more →

June survives horrific car crash, finds kitten. Story at--well, now.

I was going to hyperbole your hat off telling you about how I survived a car accident, escaping death as only June could do, but something so much more interesting has happened now. So, on Friday afternoon, I was headed... Read more →

Old Limey Checks In

7:05 a.m. (Hah! Remembered!) If you tuned in yesterday, you'll recall, with your sharp precision that knows no bounds, that I said, "I haven't saved the bird yet or seen the muskrat or closed down two more places or gotten... Read more →

The kind side of June. HAHAHAHAHA.

I went out last night. Slept in m'pearls. I also took Lottie with me, because I'm living like a HERMIT not going places because I feel bad about putting her in a crate too much. And unlike my mother, who... Read more →

June has finally lost it.

This is why I should not be left to my own devices. Also, Lottie. Cockblocks m'talent. "Talent." Read more →

Everyone has everyone else's circular

I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was way busy crying. Oh my god, with the weepage. it cud not be lotteee falt, cud it? Also, deer ant Poet: thank for for bone. lottee obsess. As you know, from your... Read more →

When water murks itself

A week ago, I was walking to my gym, not that I own a gym, which you'd think I'd have brought up before now. I walked past Peg's, past the snake-infested field, and I was just getting onto the first... Read more →

Spotty spot

By the way, here are Flossie/Lizzie/Poppy's parents. Dad. So now we know where she gets her spotty spots. Mom. hullo. i be seeryus pit. heer be my big pitty face. not to fuk with pit. So, really, they BOTH have... Read more →

"Puppies!" June is Cruella DeVille.

What I did yesterday was schlep all the damn-ass way out to the country to look at puppies. As you do. Like, seriously, a long damn-ass drive into the country. But when I finally got there, it was like, Did... Read more →

Chaos theory

I've been thinking a lot about why I got that puppy, who I STILL MISS and think about ALL THE TIME. Why'd I do that to myself? Ned used to accuse me of creating drama in my life, and it... Read more →

Edsel and the Pussycats

I charged my Fitbit last night, so now I don't know how I slept and HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THAT? Also, I only remembered to put it on once I got here, to the computer, where it... Read more →

How many of them hormone pills you been takin', honey?

The dog and Lily are on their needy chair, Iris is meowing to go out because busy season, so all is right with the world, other than the part where I just said, "the dog." Singular. The dog. I don't... Read more →

Old paint

I felt distinctly unwell this morning. "Maybe you're pregnant!" said my hilarious mother, and I'd like to once again bring up Shady Pines. But speaking of Shady Pines, my...lady time did not arrive this month. There was no flying of... Read more →

June sees a psychic. Finds out the future. So after today you won't have to read this dumb blog anymore. You'll know what's gonna happen.

On Sunday, I went with my coworker Alex to see the psychic, the one from 2011. I don't mean the psychic was born in 2011, which would make her something of a prodigy. I also don't mean she's from the... Read more →

When Captain Howdy doesn't think you're pretty

This morning, I was making the coffee and the cats were in their little window, meowing for food, while the dogs moaned at their dishes like I never feed them. "You know," I said, and whenever I try to reason... Read more →

More of a John Lennon Than a Paul McCartney

Last night, I unpacked my batteries! Clock, back where it was. Well. I haven't unpacked any nails. So "back where it was" is an approximation. Do you know what Ned would do (WWND)? He was the kind of guy who... Read more →

June discusses dogs

I should really get on trying to grow grass under the enormous tree in my back yard. My new lawn guy says if it snows this year, you put seed down then. He said birds won't get to it and... Read more →

June discusses cell phones and also Henry's feets

You know, I think this current design of my blog is the longest I've kept one look going. The woman who designs it seems to not do TypePad-related work anymore, so I sometimes cursorily look for a new designer, then... Read more →

The "I Thought I Dug You, But You Like Build-A-Bear" Section

"What if I met you, and you were still you with all your traits and everything, except for one thing: You loved you the Build-A-Bear Workshop." I like to imagine terrible scenarios to see if Ned and I would still... Read more →

June cobbles some crap together, calls it a blog post

My mother had a friend who recently died, a guy I always liked a lot. He was cool. They found this picture of her in his stuff, from February 1978. Kills me. Mom had the good eyelashes, and they didn't... Read more →

Saint of Saint Nightmare. Plus, prom.

I found a picture of the scary vampire clown!!! Awhile back, I wrote an article for Purple Clover about all the depressing art that hung in my childhood home, including a depressing red clown (shiver) and a vampire clown, who... Read more →

Bonne Bell's Tuna Surprise

I put lip gloss on the cat this weekend, which pretty much is the last butterfly in my net. But she was on my lap--and of course I mean Lily. Who else is crying out for lip gloss more than... Read more →