Bye Bye, Pie!

Princesses Rule

It is Sunday evening, and I am on my computer while Ned is at his, doing his taxes. He just said, "Son of a bitch," and I feel like Ned is going to be a bit of a swearwolf tonight.... Read more →

Soulmate

You know I don't believe in soulmates, but that is because I had yet to meet J. We work together, and she is on the newsletter staff, and I am the proud editor of said staff, so that is how... Read more →

Quandries

I HATE the new bathroom rug, in case you've been mulling it over during your tea time. "I wonder how June's liking that new bathroom rug?" Answer: I do not. It's too fluffy and it never gets dry, which someone... Read more →

June brings good things to life

I only have 10 minutes while my root dye sets in--I'm trying to do things like my own roots to save money since this move. Although we'll be RICH soon, because we're saving so much living here together, at first... Read more →

June and Grey Gardens

Look what I did! I set up my computer yesterday, because I am a computer gooo rooo. It only took 53 minutes of talking to someone in India who put "you know" in every sentence. "Now to check your, you... Read more →

I'm a narcissist!

I was driving home from Ned's when I saw one of those horrid stick-figure families on the back of a car. I cannot tell you how I abhor those narcissistic things, says the woman who blogs about herself every day.... Read more →

June Lassos the Moon. Maybe.

Ned and I went to an open house today of a house we've been obsessing over for weeks. The guy finally had a time people could come look, and the open house was till 3:00. The guy said if anyone... Read more →

Fashion advice

I overslept, and I have these bags under my eyes that I have NEVER ONCE EVER woken up to. Aging is fantastic. My point is, I need advice. I know. Didn't I say NEVER AGAIN last time? There's always someone... Read more →

Coffee soup is good food

The good news is, I keep forgetting to buy detergent for the dishwasher, so am currently drinking coffee out of soup bowl. My life just gets fabulouser. I have a friend who is extra-super-annoyingly fit, and she and her man... Read more →

In which Billy Jo McAllister may've jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge, but June has not.

Okay, I think things are fine now. But thank you, everyone, for standing in my doorway yesterday. (In case you are new and wonder what the Sam Hill everyone was talking about in the comments yesterday when they said they... Read more →

First prize

Since I joined Weight Watchers on Feb. 28, I have lost 7 pounds. Which, you know, yay. So on Sunday I had the day drinker try to pick me up in the parking lot of my pedicure salon, "salon" being... Read more →

You got mud on yer face, you big disgrace

Before I begin telling you about my riveting weekend, does anyone else feel like it's the middle of the night? WE AREN'T FARMERS. WE.ARE.FARMERS. Dun da dun dun dundundun. Stupid daylight savings. Isn't there some pigheaded state, like Arizona, that... Read more →

When Junes attack

As one of Ned's gifts for Christmas, I got him a Sunday delivery of The New York Times, which in case you think is cheap is not. Like everything in New York, it is expensive and ridic. My father once... Read more →

June. Making the rockin' world go 'round since 2006.

So we had our first official Weight Watchers meeting at work yesterday. I had a harrowing--HARROWING!!--week at work, so all I was able to do was weigh in and leave. And lemme tell you, that was enough. The sumo wrestlers... Read more →

pingpingchingpongpongpingchingchong

Remember yesterday when I told you that I woke up in the middle of the night and my thoughts went pingpingchingpongpongpingchingchong? I know that sounded vaguely Asian, and my thoughts did not go Asian. You know what I mean. They... Read more →

My pal Chas

Today I'm going to a fundraiser for my friend Charlie, who fell in a stupid freak accident in August 2012 and is now paralyzed. Here he is a few years back when he thought orange hair might be an idea.... Read more →

Legend of the Fall

You aren't even going to believe what freaking happened to me today. "NedKitty has a vet appointment first thing Saturday," Ned told me, not remotely using the name "NedKitty" because it's the dumbest name on earth. However, he HAS told... Read more →

Jun E!

I broke down and got a pedicure last night. I'd been putting it off because I was trying to be thrifty, but things were getting so bad down there I said to Ned, "I'm not even attracted to me anymore,... Read more →

Who can turn the world on with her fake smile

But ignore that part, and tell me which of these glasses you like, if any. Oh, and ignore my frizzy hair. Or rather don't ignore it, and concentrate instead on how bad my hair is when it's dried with a... Read more →

Releasing the splendor of June

I wonder if I could be any more sick of having pets right now. Lily started falling off the cat condo--because she's a stupid drunk, is why--and in a panic because Lily was gonna fall on her, Iris CLIMBED ONTO... Read more →

June's life turns on a dime. Read on!

Lemme ask you something. Why'd I LOOK so bad two years ago? Seriously, was it the hair? That color is an abomination, and why did my loved ones not say anything? Was it my newly divorced status? I'm not trying... Read more →

Birthday wrapup. Oh, and I hate Typepad.

The best thing about my birthday is that Ned got "Ned!"ed while he was buying my birthday cards. Yes, cards, plural, because he is the best boy ever invented. The woman at the store said, "I'm not gonna pretend that... Read more →

Today I'm 48. And I didn't immediately stampede over to Facebook to see who said HBD or anything. Nosir.

I have to go tear open my 4539399393 presents now. (Only child.) (You should have seen my obscene haul when I was also the only grandchild.) I will report on my festivities tomorrow. I know! Lucky.You. In the meantime, what... Read more →

DIVA

Tallulah went to the vet yesterday, where she managed to bark at everyone in the waiting area so how sick can she really be, and it turns out old Bob Barker has dermatitis, which she got from seasonal allergies, which... Read more →

June gets spotted

Tomorrow is Ned's birthday, and it's all very exciting over here, with the baking and cooking and so on. Bah! Last year, I tried to make Ned a pie, and disaster struck. This year, we're going out to eat and... Read more →

Twitter

I will tell you this story, but at least one person is going to write in and say, "You're a terrible person, Joooon." "You aren't fit for this planet, Jooooooooon!" Whenever y'all nag me, my name turns into Jooooon. Yesterday... Read more →

Because you hate yourself.

Yesterday was a dumb day, in which the phrase "emergency dental visit" was used, and I will tell you about all that and also force you to read about my weekend right here, right now. June's blog. Come for the... Read more →

I can't even

The rest of the weekend was inexplicable, but don't worry. I will go into excruciating detail tomorrow. In the meantime, what's with my 3-D bosoms? Oh, also? Always use sunscreen. (c) Daniel Boone Photography Read more →

So natural

Look how horrified Chris and Lilly's baby is. to get away from beeg hairs pleese. she not maturnil. I might have to work late, but if I don't, I will come home and blog about makeup. I know! I really... Read more →

The one where June tells you about her rash. Read on!

Because I know you're going to want every detail--who wouldn't?--I have a rash. It has been there for some time, and naturally I figured "leukemia," and I really have no idea if leukemia presents with a rash, and I did... Read more →

Here's looking at you, reader.

Last night, Ned and I went to the old movie theater we like so much and we saw Casablanca. Humphrey Bogart needs to get a new line. He says, "Here's looking at you, kid" FOUR TIMES in that movie. If... Read more →