Bye Bye, Pie!

Lime-a-Ritas with Laura Ingalls Wilder

I hate podcasts. I'm SORRY. I'm sure your sister's really is magnificent. I'm sure if I just tried [insert fucking podcast here]...or gave a listen to...or have I heard...? Yeah, no. I'm not going to like any of those, either.... Read more →

June starts out normal, then gets pretty kvetchy at the end

An old boyfriend of mine--from way back in the '90s when we wore clunky black shoes like it was sexy--went on a trip out west recently, and as a result has been showing photos on Facebook. "It's like a new... Read more →

Simper Fido

Stupid Valentine's Day. I know it's my favorite holiday and all, BUT THIS YEAR IT'S STUPID. It was last year, too, watching all those heifers at work get flowers. I did already get a lovely Happy ValenTIME's Day text from... Read more →

She's mite-y mite-y, just lettin' it all hang out

I know that since you got the news yesterday about my dust mite allergy that you've been hoping and praying and writing your congressmen and so on, but I'm still here. I want my bravery to inspire others. I particularly... Read more →

Oh, I'd like to, but I have to translate Mandarin

Well, I did it. I lived through my anniversary with Ned without caving and talking to him. It's now been 40 days since I've seen him. So basically he's Lent. I mostly just tried to not be swallowed by my... Read more →

June would make heart hands, if heart hands didn't make her want to kill everyone

Awhile back, I read a really funny article about a woman in an abusive relationship. As you do. You know how some things you read just stick with you, and 45 years later you're at the home telling your roommate,... Read more →

June knows the code

As I was recovering from one of the 70,000 inevitable fights with Ned that I've had over the last five years, I asked him, "Do you feel like all the time there's this black, gaping maw of despair inside you,... Read more →

Lord, make me an instrument ...that doesn't gag me

Yesterday, I had to go to the doctor, because my throat is still bothering me. Do you remember about a year and a half ago when they put me out and checked my throat because it always feels like it's... Read more →

Flounce and Fisher

Do you know what it means to flounce? People have done it here a few times: It's when something on the Internet bugs you, and instead of just not returning the site anymore, you announce to the group at large... Read more →

If you're not getting gel polish, you're not really living.

Now, THIS is a Christmas mug. I've forgotten to assault you with images of my Xmas cups this year, and for that your life is sad, I know. I also forgot to close the door to Steely Dan's feeding area... Read more →

In which there are photos of my pets

It's been five weeks since my last root dying (bless me, Father, for I have sinned) and if you're anything like me (God help you) (very God-y post today), you know how THAT is. Roots for days. And because it's... Read more →

June blogs, like it's a thing.

Yesterday was ridiculously chilly, and I barely wanted to reach outside to get the mail or to throw out the dog bed SD peed on, and now today it's warm and windy and quite lovely. Also, I've become my grandmother.... Read more →

A 51-year-old woman complains bitterly about cat food. Which is not at all sad.

One of you was nice enough to send me a few cases of canned kitten food, which when I think about it musta cost a pretty penny and thank you again. The good news is that Steely Dan just loves... Read more →

When you're telling people off in your head

Couldn't sleep. I was up all night YELLING AT PEOPLE IN MY MIND and then I fell asleep at like 5 a.m., of course. I will write tomorrow when I'm not YELLING AT EVERYONE IN MY MIND. XO, Joon Read more →

Oh, good. I get to read about someone's trip.

I hate brunch. There's the part where you're expected to get up, WITH NO FOOD OR COFFEE IN YOU, and head to some crowded restaurant, then wait in a lobby for a hundred minutes. Then always--ALWAYS!!--some asshole party of 10... Read more →

Free puppies and a shot of tequila

Well, I'm back. That was a whirlwind trip to Michigan. Here is the last photo I took in Michigan. My mother and I were waiting at the airport, and I went to take a selfie, and she decided she'd "look... Read more →

June be stress

Yesterday the power went out--a thing that made Edsel scared and I don't know why other than that he could feel my annoyance, probably. He formed a letter C over his breakfast dish and wouldn't eat till I told him... Read more →

June has a dumb day

The batteries have been dying on this keyboard for weeks, and every day my computer hysterically waves its arms at me and tries to grab me by the lapels so I'll listen. "Your keyboard battery is DYING. DO something about... Read more →

11:40, a sacred time everyone knew about but June. Oh, also, kitten.

My problem is, I'm not attracted to wealth and power. Like, look at Candace Bergen. She married two men who weren't that pretty, but rich? Hells yeah, they were rich. And she must have slept with them, right? Or how... Read more →

(redundant)

I don't get why people like fantasy and science fiction. It's so not interesting to me. I don't see how you can get riveted by things that don't exist. Oh! There's a curse from the Land of Dumblethworp and it's... Read more →

June kvetches

Do you know what annoys me? Everyone gasped just now. She's usually so happy-go-lucky! Actually, that phrase annoys me too. What the fuck does that even mean? What annoys me is my coffee can be a crapshoot. Heck, I made... Read more →

Everyone has everyone else's circular

I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was way busy crying. Oh my god, with the weepage. it cud not be lotteee falt, cud it? Also, deer ant Poet: thank for for bone. lottee obsess. As you know, from your... Read more →

Have You Bean Assessed?

Today is a very assess-y day. We have our health assessments at work, and as I type you, I have to fast, which is fine because usually at this time I haven't eaten yet, but I have to GO WITHOUT... Read more →

My iPhotos are acting wonky

I'll write you at lunch. Incidentally, in unrelated news, I abhor computers. Read more →

Dear eHarmony, I hate you. Luff, June.

I need you to understand how much I hate eHarmony. I had a friend who joined it, and it would never be a site I'd have considered had he not joined and met an actually cool woman. I see it... Read more →

June is in a sparkling mood

My mood is sparkling. Did I mention that? My computer has been a DICK all weekend, and I hate everything right now. This is my third attempt at writing something, and we'll see if it even sticks. Did I mention... Read more →

Her self-regard was a tad misguided

Enclosed please find a video of Tallulah, the most stubborn cute dog in the world. Minutes before, she'd been moaning at me to go out, and when I lugged my day-at-work, half-hour-of-Tracy-Chapman, 10,000-steps-on-top-of-that self off the couch, she didn't want... Read more →

June forgets a title. Again.

This came up on my Facebook feed the other day... Thanks. That's comforting. It doesn't bug me at all that there's an extra space before "handles." I really believe the man of color in the chef's hat is a real... Read more →

The one where June kvetches

I was just cleaning up my desktop--and this is riveting, June! I can't wait to read on! And I saw a screen shot I took for you, because I wanted to complain about something. This is so unusual, June! I... Read more →

V-Day! Cupid's arrow! Love! Lace! Flow--oh, screw it.

This fuckin' day, man. (c) Miss Doxie, who apparently spent all day yesterday making old Valentines hilarious. This is my first man-free Valentine's Day since 1996, and in 1996 I ended up getting secret admirer flowers. It's 3:28 p.m. It... Read more →

My brave money Pit

Throughout this whole Tallulah-being-sick ordeal, she's been licking her girl parts like a champ. Everyone in my family has had hilarious jokes about this, and I'd like to take this moment to thank my family for being a big pack... Read more →