Bye Bye, Pie!

Terms of Endearment

Edsel loves himself because he purchased a black hood and sickle off Amazon. He keeps putting it on and standing behind Tallulah till she sees him and startles. dat hilaryiss. not. As a result, Edsel totally cockblocked my own knee-slapping... Read more →

June's keyboard: 2014-2016

I am sitting at my writing desk, speaking into my phone while said phone is hooked up to the computer because it is only at 28% power. Hang on, I'm gonna get socks. OK, I'm back. These tiles are cold... Read more →

Oh, just wear your pajamas to the store, I said. What can happen? I said.

Between you and me, I was feeling a little out of sorts yesterday. A little under the weather. A little peckish. Is "peckish" hungry? Okay, then not that. I was achy, and tired, and my insides were not happy with... Read more →

Or by a comma when the feeling's not as strong

Today I have my phone, my computer is charged, and? No photos to show you. I took zero photos yesterday. So I'll show you a picture of Tallulah dead in the bushes from when I dog-sat last week. Poor dead... Read more →

Surry with the Fringe on Top IN FRONT OF IRA

I'm not pressuring myself during the workweek, but I do have a rule during the weekend that each day I have to go out and do something sort of fun. So yesterday, I went to the farmers market. Perhaps that... Read more →

Oh, crap

I wrote a post this morning but mentioned a work thing, which I have to take down! But suffice it to say June=sad. June=despondent. That sums me up. Read more →

June goes on a date with her ex-boyfriend Ned

When I was 11, we moved into an old, pretty house with a fireplace and an upstairs, which we didn't have in our old house, and after one month exactly, my parents got divorced and we moved out. I wonder... Read more →

June and Ned Get High

The holiday weekend yawned before us with nary a plan, which was delightful news because we'd both had harrowing weeks at work. "I can't TELL you how happy I am to be home with nothing to do," Ned kept telling... Read more →

Here's to you, Mrs. Gardens

We've been back from Michigan for nine days. About nine MINUTES into our return, Ned had unpacked and put his suitcase away nicely. I don't even know where his suitcase lives. In his closet? Unsure. Hey. I'm unpacked, at least.... Read more →

June blogs, naked and annoyed

While Ned swept the house, I Windexed the mirrors so I can see myself, and also Soft Scrubbed the sinks. I got the ends of my robe sleeve wet, and I read once that getting the tips of your robe... Read more →

Oh my stars

Is there any phrase more useless than "As you may or may not know"? Really, what is the point of saying that? So, as you may or may not know, on Facebook there is a fan page of this blog... Read more →

Downtown Juney Brown

I got to stay home today, seeing as in a smidgeon of time I will be knocked unconscious and any number of instruments will be crammed down my throat, such as a harp. I will literally be a harpy, finally.... Read more →

Give mom a brick backdrop and a mike

"I hate my hair like this," said my mother. "I look like Garth of Wayne and Garth." "You can't say that. That's MY line. MY hair looks like Garth," I said. "You look nothing like Garth," said mom, "not at... Read more →

Hey, Lady

For a couple years now, I've been writing every week for this website called Purple Clover, which is aimed at women who are long in the tooth, shall we say. Not in the bloom anymore. Rounding the bend. I am... Read more →

June's Cheer Blog

Hi, everyone!!! How's everyone's day going!!?? Sure have missed you all since yesterday!! : ) God, wouldn't it be awful if I were cheerful like that? I've always been what you might call a cranky person, and I have no... Read more →

Neighborhood Munch

I abhor the people across the street with every fiber of my being. I have an abhorrence for them that I usually reserve for celebrities who bow in front of you with their hands in prayer position like they're saying... Read more →

Not the show

I wrote an article for Purple Clover this week, about how I loved the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. They put said article on Facebook, and it has 6,500 Likes, which is exciting, and a ton of comments that go like... Read more →

Is it, like, the best sound you could ever hope for? Or what?

Today at 12:45 I have to have an ultrasound to look at the ovarian cyst they found while they were looking for my kidney stone and FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK. Ima ask them to take a gander while they're... Read more →

If that's movin' up then I'm movin' out

So here I am, at the house Ned and I share. Shared. Crap. I'm packing some stuff today and taking it to the new place. I half-heartedly tried to schedule movers this week, but when no one called me back,... Read more →

Here I am, the one that you love

Sorry I didn't write earlier today; I had Botox. So far, I can frown at you just the same, but in a few days I wish to appear vapid and expressionless. Also, you guys, I've got shit going down. Not... Read more →

Boy, do we heart Christmas

Last night, two people who abhor Christmas got into the car, drove around for 47 hours to find parking, and made their way through a giant, unmoving, germ-infested crowd to see a Christmas tree being lit downtown. "Why did we... Read more →

That's So Raven

Yesterday, I screamed downtown to get up with my friend Jo, who was making an appearance at the local bookstore. Since it was Shop Locally Saturday or whatever, she'd been asked to hang at the bookstore in the afternoon as... Read more →

RBF

Tallulah has decided that Blu is her important new toy. She keeps picking it up and parading around with it, while Edsel moans and whines and growls and pickets and is trying to introduce a proposition banning this sort of... Read more →

The Ned, The Witch and the Wardrobe

I've seldom mentioned it, but we moved into a 1926 house last month, and it is charming and delightful and pretty and contains absolutely no storage whatsoever. I don't know what people did in 1926. I guess they had that... Read more →

The one where June hearts AppleCare

I didn't MEAN to go all weekend without blogging, but I spent my entire weekend on the phone with At&T and AppleCare, both of whom are on my last nerve. Two or three times this weekend I did an online... Read more →

The one where June hates everything

I had a migraine yesterday, and also I hate everything. There was a wall? In my hallway? At my old house, the one I own? And I noticed the baseboards were all of a sudden a little, oh, squishy, and... Read more →

June and Grey Gardens

Look what I did! I set up my computer yesterday, because I am a computer gooo rooo. It only took 53 minutes of talking to someone in India who put "you know" in every sentence. "Now to check your, you... Read more →

Did you know I'm moving?

My nails are a mess and all the emery boards have been packed away, I have a bruise on my shin now, and my left calf is not working. Yesterday was the hardest of all the damn moving days, so... Read more →

Rhinestone Cat Chow

The other night, Ned and I headed to his house in separate cars. We do that so if one of us dies the entire monarchy won't go to hell. When we get near his house, I always turn on February... Read more →

Once I had a love, and he was a gas. Soon found out, had a shard of glass.

Yesterday was a stupid day. I was in the shower yesterday morning, and found a shard of glass impaled in my foot, first of all. Ned and Edsel had been playing fetch in the house, and Ned broke a vase.... Read more →

A party! A death party! (Remind me to tell you that story.)

I forgot to tell you that last week, my boss's boss went on vacation, so naturally we all blew up 84895949 balloons and filled his office with them. Mature. We all gave ourselves aneurysms blowing up that many balloons, and... Read more →