Bye Bye, Pie!

Beelzebub has a devil cat put aside for me

In case you've been on pins and also the needles re my sore throat, I seem to have rallied. Because I'm tough. But I'm fair. Also, yesterday I started a new headache study, which I can tell you very little... Read more →

Ned sighting

I saw Ned. Fifty-five days I've been alternately avoiding running into him or, on difficult days, hoping I do. Fifty-five days I've been obsessing, and being angry, and then missing him, then feeling determined and OH HELL THIS IS RIDICULOUS.... Read more →

Turns out, brows really affect your look

Yesterday I came home from work, as I am wont to do, and I was putting my many many goddamn bills away in my cute bill-holder '60s thing. I moved it with me all the way from LA. Cute bill-holder... Read more →

Facing June Addiction

Yesterday, I got up early to go to the allergy doctor. I hurried around, and tore over there to be on time, and when I got there, right at 8:00? They were closed. I walked up to the door and... Read more →

Oh, I'd like to, but I have to translate Mandarin

Well, I did it. I lived through my anniversary with Ned without caving and talking to him. It's now been 40 days since I've seen him. So basically he's Lent. I mostly just tried to not be swallowed by my... Read more →

June would make heart hands, if heart hands didn't make her want to kill everyone

Awhile back, I read a really funny article about a woman in an abusive relationship. As you do. You know how some things you read just stick with you, and 45 years later you're at the home telling your roommate,... Read more →

Mere slip of a June

It's been a month since Ned and I broke up, part two of our endless breakup. The point is that, as I have alluded to before, my weight may have been mentioned, and I was shocked and humiliated. I went... Read more →

June blogs, like it's a thing.

Yesterday was ridiculously chilly, and I barely wanted to reach outside to get the mail or to throw out the dog bed SD peed on, and now today it's warm and windy and quite lovely. Also, I've become my grandmother.... Read more →

Working and praying and living and dying in this town

June reflects. Cause she's shiny. There's a fine line between telling the truth as much as you can on a blog, which I try to do, and exposing someone else's story. Just because you choose to tell all your shit... Read more →

Pit act-shun

Today's another Astonishing June-Hair Day. Iris can't even look at me. See what I did, there? I really need a new back door. The bottom's all rotted off, and have I mentioned how broke? What unexpected car purchase? What two... Read more →

June's going to kiss you. She won't even wait.

I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to... Read more →

Her-dy-GERD-y

Here is what Edsel has done every morning of his damn life: He bounds out of bed, tears down the hall, and bursts out the back door. I open the big back door quickly and he uses his head to... Read more →

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

Yes, I'm posting on Saturday. Hello! {hello hello hello hello} Echo! {echo echo echo echo} I don't know why I bother. But hello, one and a half people who are homebound for whatever reason. I guess now that it's half... Read more →

Go ahead, use me to smear your Ten-O-Six Lotion on yourself.

Today I had to shower with cotton-scented hand soap. I smell like a big cotton ball. Mmmmmm. Yesterday I managed to use the last sliver of real soap till it literally washed away, and I told myself, "Don't forget to... Read more →

Lottie and the Big-Girl Bed

Last night, when I headed to bed, Lottie was already in there, fast asleep. She looked so cute, and she's been doing so well with not going in the house, that I thought, "Maybe she can sleep in the big-girl... Read more →

Undercover June

Morning. Do I sound intimidating? I've been watching a lot of Undercover Boss, and thank god my weekends mean a lot lately. Undercover Boss is where a CEO or president or whatever hoo-hah of a major company (7-Eleven, 1-800-Flowers, Waste... Read more →

June survives horrific car crash, finds kitten. Story at--well, now.

I was going to hyperbole your hat off telling you about how I survived a car accident, escaping death as only June could do, but something so much more interesting has happened now. So, on Friday afternoon, I was headed... Read more →

June's privates

So how is everyone? I know most of you saw this already on Facebook, but here. Here is a snapshot of my life, below, except it's a five-second veeeedeo of my life, but still. So that's how I'm doing. In... Read more →

(redundant)

I don't get why people like fantasy and science fiction. It's so not interesting to me. I don't see how you can get riveted by things that don't exist. Oh! There's a curse from the Land of Dumblethworp and it's... Read more →

Mike and the bittwersweet croc

7:19 a.m. This morning I was peeing, and Lottie ran in, took the toilet paper off the holder, and ran off. You know how all your life you've said, How can anyone beat a puppy? I have your answer. Numbers... Read more →

Lottie: knee-high by the 4th of July

I thought I'd fill you in on my many activities so far this holiday weekend, and by "many" I mean "June is fairly pathetic." On Friday, we got out early, so I took advantage of that extra time to come... Read more →

No, seriously. How many fireman posts have there been, now?

Right after we last spoke, nigh on 24 hours ago, I got up from this very desk and took a shower. Because, you know, sanitary. As long as you don't think too much about how many animal germs are in... Read more →

The weekend. As told by Joon Gardens.

This is why you can't let puppies out your sight for even one minute. This is why my days are spent never deep sitting anymore, but rather bounding up constantly whenever that dog toddles out of the room. And have... Read more →

An inconvenient truth

It's Wednesday already and I have a million things due this week at work, and they had taken me off one project so I'd have time, but then last night they said, No. You should really be on that project... Read more →

In which June would kill Agatha all over again

But I already TOLD you about my weekend, because a picture paints a thousand words. Then why can't I paint you? (This might be the best of all the horrific videos I've ever given you.) So okay, so I'll give... Read more →

In which a statistics textbook is ignored

This has been one of those weekends where I'm screaming from one thing to the next, and I didn't even mention to you I have another statistics textbook to proofread, and how much time on it do you think I... Read more →

June wishes you'd watch her whip and/or nae nae

Just now, when I let Edsel out for his morning constitutional (weee the edzuls of united states, in ordur to form more purfect onion...wut you mean it not onion?), when I opened the door, an enormous bird of prey was... Read more →

Xanadu, your neon lights will shine

Last night, there was a catfight. Just like that time Crystal and Alexis threw down. Did you note the whish of Iris' tail in these shots? Action shots, by June, wildlife photographer. Lily started it, which she's been doing lately.... Read more →

June drinks wine and blogs

I have to drive my car to the fix-my-car place, get it inspected, the oil changed, the taillight fixed and possibly have those eyelashes put on the headlights the way some people do, and because of all that, I gotta... Read more →

I don't know if you know that much about life if you think "lifeclass" is one word

Yesterday morning I had to dig in my bathroom trash for the old empty deodorant I'd thrown away, and desperately scrape what was left on myself because guess who forgot to buy more. There goes my mother in my head:... Read more →

Sluttus Americanus

On Sunday, I technically had three dates. Here I am at the end of the day. I look worn out. I know, man. When you've got All This. I think what really lures them is when they find out how... Read more →