Bye Bye, Pie!

Joe Lies

I be Hutch. Wear be Starskee? hahahahahaha Anyway. I hadn't had my eyebrows waxed since Wilford Brimley was a child, so I went to Elegant Nail & Tan, which I realize suggests all kinds of featured services that do not... Read more →

Marzo Thomas

Look how well my daisies are doing! ...I got flowers for our receptionist on Valentine's Day, and I over bought and couldn't fit all of the flowers into one vase, so I was all, "Guess I own daisies now." And... Read more →

Merry Christmas Edible

I thought of writing you during actual Christmas, but I figured you had enough to do without checking in on my ass. So here's how Christmas went, and I'm sure you're pulling the chair in closer so you don't miss... Read more →

Pudding?

Would you like to know what annoys me? "Wait. June. Something annoys you?" When people use trite phrases. For example, remember in The Wizard of Oz, when they said, "Lions and tigers and bears--oh, my!" It bugs me when people... Read more →

Shaved her legs and then he was a she

I think I've told you that for six months, I'm part of a headache study. I'm studying to get better at my headaches. Bah. Last month, I schlepped over to Chapel Hill to walk up a mountain to go to... Read more →

June goes downtown, which is not a euphemism

Yesterday I had to go to a building downtown to attend an all-day meeting. This is the view from the balcony behind the building. Went out there to smoke my 'rette. Man, I was having a nicotine fit. It was... Read more →

I pity the Blu

7:28 a.m. I am currently drinking coffee--what addiction?--out of my Mr. Tea mug that Marty and Kaye got me some years back, that remains one of my favorites. Do you have favorite mugs? Do you wait till it's that mug's... Read more →

Mike and the bittwersweet croc

7:19 a.m. This morning I was peeing, and Lottie ran in, took the toilet paper off the holder, and ran off. You know how all your life you've said, How can anyone beat a puppy? I have your answer. Numbers... Read more →

Lottie: knee-high by the 4th of July

I thought I'd fill you in on my many activities so far this holiday weekend, and by "many" I mean "June is fairly pathetic." On Friday, we got out early, so I took advantage of that extra time to come... Read more →

No more puppies, ever

Before I tell you about Edsel attacking the puppy, you gotta promise me you won't hate Edsel. I did. For, like, an hour. I don't know if I've ever been so angry at a dog. But she's fine, and I... Read more →

June drinks wine and blogs

I have to drive my car to the fix-my-car place, get it inspected, the oil changed, the taillight fixed and possibly have those eyelashes put on the headlights the way some people do, and because of all that, I gotta... Read more →

Old paint

I felt distinctly unwell this morning. "Maybe you're pregnant!" said my hilarious mother, and I'd like to once again bring up Shady Pines. But speaking of Shady Pines, my...lady time did not arrive this month. There was no flying of... Read more →

Sluttus Americanus

On Sunday, I technically had three dates. Here I am at the end of the day. I look worn out. I know, man. When you've got All This. I think what really lures them is when they find out how... Read more →

More of a John Lennon Than a Paul McCartney

Last night, I unpacked my batteries! Clock, back where it was. Well. I haven't unpacked any nails. So "back where it was" is an approximation. Do you know what Ned would do (WWND)? He was the kind of guy who... Read more →

So wonderful it needs its own post

June's Coworkers' Senior Picture Poses My coworker Megan-Austin. It totally rocks to work with art people. Oh my god. (Thanks, Smithey!) Read more →

The (wo)man upstairs

I know you've thought of little else since we last spoke, so I'll tell you right off the bat that I love the new deodorant. June gives it two pits up. And by "pits," I don't mean Tallulah. I'm writing... Read more →

Now I know how Joan of Arc felt. Plus, hot soap.

One of my coworkers has a football at his desk, as though he were OJ Simpson or...some other football player such as Jim Namath. Because they were famous for having footballs on their desks. It's on a little stand--not my... Read more →

The one where June has too many pets

Last night, after work, one of the Alexes invited me to go to her apartment building to do yoga. I realize it's probably immoral to partake of free yoga when one does not pay rent to live in the building... Read more →

Nary a Ned

A rundown of my evening with no Ned in it... 7 a.m. till 5 p.m. I was so looking forward to having the house to myself for one night, just to come home and sit quietly and do nothing. Ned's... Read more →

Well, you used to shake 'em down, now you stop and think about your dignity. Or not.

Okay, I hate to be obsessed, but now Google Photos is making little stories from my pictures. Look at this nice one! I know. I need to get over it. Every poor sap who comes to my desk has to... Read more →

Beaches. But not in a Barbara Hershey's dead kinda way.

Did you miss me? Have you been holding a vigil? Did I ever tell you about when my friend Dot and I went to see Snow White? This was in college, when we were not at all full of ourselves... Read more →

Elvis Jesus. And party every day.

"You can't just turn FIFTY and not CELEBRATE it!" screeched one of the Alexes a few weeks ago. I was really kind of depressed about turning old, and for once did not wanna do much of anything. "We're going for... Read more →

Hugging broccoli

Although it's a national holiday, a day where we all try to blow off body parts and scare the country's dogs half to death, I thought I'd check in. Don't you hate people who say "check in"? Because I'm not... Read more →

Downtown Juney Brown

I got to stay home today, seeing as in a smidgeon of time I will be knocked unconscious and any number of instruments will be crammed down my throat, such as a harp. I will literally be a harpy, finally.... Read more →

A remaining pip of toilet paper

I've been out doing things all day, and in preparation for my evening, I just put toner on my face, toner that's supposed to clear away dull flakes to uncover skin that's fresh and glowing. Every time I put it... Read more →

Our nation breathes a sigh of relief

My Fitbit logged my sleep! I know! I slept 8 hours and 21 minutes and woke up twice, once because I had a dream that I slid open the shower curtain and when I did, someone grabbed my neck and... Read more →