Bye Bye, Pie!

June would make heart hands, if heart hands didn't make her want to kill everyone

Awhile back, I read a really funny article about a woman in an abusive relationship. As you do. You know how some things you read just stick with you, and 45 years later you're at the home telling your roommate,... Read more →

June's going to kiss you. She won't even wait.

I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to... Read more →

June Recaps Her Weekend; Nation Riveted

I did a lot this weekend. See, the obvious joke would be to say something about Ned now, under the category of Things I Did. But I will not. Because dignified. I'm dignified like Rip Taylor. Anyway, I have a... Read more →

A thousand words.

When I was at my mother's house a few weeks ago, I found this picture of my Aunt Kathy (left) and mom in polka dots, back in 1975. It was my Uncle Jim's wedding. Look how hot they are! I... Read more →

Branch manager

This morning I saw a branch in my driveway. Being a branch manager, I went out to investigate. "Branch manager." How do you stand the hilarity? It turns out a huge part of my cool old tree fell down. We... Read more →

Flap

Yesterday's comments were riveting. I have nothing interesting to ask you today, and I am sorry. I know I still need to tell you about my long December, but telling you about my months that I wasn't here requires me... Read more →

June Takes Wayback Machine, Writes to Self. (Because god forbid she do anything important with wayback machine, like, oh, 9/11 or what have you.)

If somehow we were able to travel around in time--and don't really smart science-y people claim we really can? If so, will someone go back to 1983 and find my dang senior yearbook? Where'd I LEAVE it? Oh, and on... Read more →

June Gardens' Day Off

Guess who has a day off. Dayyyyyy off! Dayyyyy-yyy-yyy off. Daylight come and me want to go blog. There was a store in Seattle called the Bon Marché. I imagine it's still there; they tried to compete with Nordstrom, which,... Read more →

The FINAL COUNTDOWN! You're welcome.

"I told them," I emailed ...friend, after giving all y'all all my big news yesterday. I sent him the link, too. "I don't even read your blog that often and I'm even sad," said ...friend, after looking at yesterday's post.... Read more →

Straight outta the garden

It's Saturday. Yesterday it was 72 degrees here, and it is sunny and warmish here again. Do you feel like you are reading the diary of someone from 1912? Why did they always report the weather? The point of me... Read more →

Soon found out, had a tabletop of glass

When Marvin and I met, you know, the second time--not when we first dated in college but when we got back together in the '90s--he lived in LA and I lived in Seattle. We had a long-distance relationship for about,... Read more →

Chicken

If you want to hear the whole story on what Ima tell you, click here. But I'm just saying. I hope you're on Christmas vacation this week, because I just looked at that post and it is seventy years long.... Read more →

The day we offically got uncool

Marvin and I were gadding about all day, and then when we were done I said, "Let's go to Target on a Saturday in the afternoon, because that's sure to be relaxing and enjoyable, and also because we need bird... Read more →

My LA life comes back to haunt me

About a year and a half ago, I told you all about our really cool apartment in LA, and how the stay-at-home actor guy who moved in and scammed our landlord basically drove us out of it. Here is the... Read more →

Things I'd have done differently in this life, by June Gardens

Regrets, I have a few. I am not one of those people who say, "I wish I would have worked less and had more fun." That's for effing sure. Can't look back on high school and say that. Or college,... Read more →

Oh, also? Another interview tip? Write a thank-you note. They mentioned it twice. Do people not do that anymore?

Somehow, in the course of our deep discussions in the comments yesterday, it was decided that I am going to update my resume to include that passage from my 10th-grade diary. So instead of my career focus, the top of... Read more →

Amber is the color of your energy

I was putting away the Christmas decorations yesterday, and I found this photo in the attic. It's one of the nine million aura pictures I had taken through the years, because I know you will be shocked to learn they... Read more →

Carlos V

I was lying in bed last night with yet another migraine and somehow the story of Carlos V popped into my rather hurty head and I do not know why. But now I will tell it to all of you... Read more →

Free-range blogging

Since (because) I told you how I'm drinking from a Christmas mug every morning, of which I have 752 from students of Marvin's, I thought it'd be fascinating to photograph them every day for you. Or maybe not so much... Read more →

Perhaps I could dress up as a narcissist

The difference between living in LA and living in North Carolina is, you know, everything, but one thing that is for sure different is that adults don't celebrate Halloween like they did back home. And I know I should not... Read more →

Penelope Cruise

There's this stupid commercial that comes on every morning on my clock radio. That was a subtle way of bragging that I have a clock radio. I know! You too can aspire to have the fancy things in life like... Read more →

Her name is Rio

Dear people who go to Target, News flash. We DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR PHONE CALL. Really! We don't care that "Ohhh. Ohhhhh. Oh, that's so sad. Yeahh." You know, it kind of sounds like an emo call. Maybe... Read more →

A little butterine never hurt anyone

If anyone were to ask, "Who is June?" this photo pretty much sums it up. Wearing pink, liking drama, being the center of attention, eating something terrible for me. Yep. I know I have shown you pictures from this pink... Read more →

Delurk time!

I just spent my normal blogging time watching our last episode of Entourage that we have, so we can return it to the kind people at Netflix. That show makes me homesick for the life I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT LIVE... Read more →

Bunny Mom

Remember the other day when I said I was unnaturally interested in Kendra's--of the Playboy Girls Next Door Kendras--wedding? My close personal friend Daisy sent me this photo: That's my friend Daisy in the middle. Of course her name isn't... Read more →

June's Garden

Don't you just want to kiss his fat tum? As you may know, the house we live in now is the first house we have ever owned. That is because before this, we lived in Los Angeles, where the average... Read more →

Reason I miss LA #578

There is a sign near my workplace that reads, "Cinco de Mayo celebration: May 3." Sigh. Read more →

Oranges and Lemons

My friend Amy from what I want to call "back home" but what I really need to call "Los Angeles" Photoshopped the Aretha hat on my head in yesterday's post. Here, don't get up. Somehow, that picture got me thinking... Read more →

Prelude to Ask June

Today is Friday, in case you have been in bed all week with the curtains drawn, so that means we are due for another Ask June, which I will do tonight when I get home. I just wanted to let... Read more →

The stars at night are big and bright

Patrick Swayze having to go to the hospital with pneumonia made me sad, and it also made me think about myself. I know you are stunned. They announced that he was in the hospital at this critic's convention that is... Read more →

Our really cool apartment in LA, and the stay-at-home actor idiot who drove us out of it

My mother mentioned in the comments the other day how she missed our really good apartment with the big bay window and I said I do too and then someone else said, "What apartment?" and really a whole other world... Read more →