Bye Bye, Pie!

June starts out normal, then gets pretty kvetchy at the end

An old boyfriend of mine--from way back in the '90s when we wore clunky black shoes like it was sexy--went on a trip out west recently, and as a result has been showing photos on Facebook. "It's like a new... Read more →

Linear. That's what I am. Yep.

I have a new thing that bugs me. "WHAT? How can that be POSSIBLE, easygoing June!" [Leans into computer, rapt.] When someone refers to any emotion being "at a cellular level." Oh, shut up. Yes, my cells know I got... Read more →

Iris. With some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

This morning I got out of bed and I was all, my leg feels funny. It feels cold on the back. Oh my god, am I BLEEDING or something? Do I have leg cancer? Did I wake up on the... Read more →

Pardon me boy, is this the cat that got-a chew chewed?

I have to get up at a ludicrous hour to get Iris from the emergency vet Monday a.m., as they are an emergency vet clinic and close at, like, 7:30 a.m., so I'm writing this Sunday night. Iris's still not... Read more →

Saturday at the Maul

Today, two dogs attacked Iris. Ima try to tell you all I can remember, although it's already turning into a blur, thankfully. Since before my Year Abroad, I haven't been sleeping with the cats. Ned wouldn't allow it, although he... Read more →

The many photography talents o'June

Yesterday I asked you for stuff to blog about at lunchtime, but then lunchtime neared and someone I freelance for said, "Can you do this really fast?" and I said, "$ure," and who's sick of my dollar signs for Ses?... Read more →

I foresee terrible trouble. And I stay here just the same.

Now that Edsel's dog brain has snapped and I have to literally go outside with him (as opposed to figuratively going outside with him, the way I used to. "I'm outside with you in spirit, Eds!"), I realize it's really... Read more →

3/3/17

I am still sick. I know, man. This it it. Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey. I'm going to the doctor at 4:00. IF I MAKE IT THAT LONG. In the meantime, a Realtor, and yes that really is... Read more →

Marzo Thomas

Look how well my daisies are doing! ...I got flowers for our receptionist on Valentine's Day, and I over bought and couldn't fit all of the flowers into one vase, so I was all, "Guess I own daisies now." And... Read more →

Beelzebub has a devil cat put aside for me

In case you've been on pins and also the needles re my sore throat, I seem to have rallied. Because I'm tough. But I'm fair. Also, yesterday I started a new headache study, which I can tell you very little... Read more →

All Thus

Pfft. I thought today I'd categorize the many areas of my life and update you on how they're going. I remember some friend of Ned's said there are five fingers to life, and I'm not going to remember them all.... Read more →

Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.

Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal,... Read more →

Moo. Yakety yakety yakety.

Edsel stuck his paw straight up my nose this morning. Managed to get a claw in each nostril, and now m'nose hurts. So I gotta fit a trip to the pound in along with my regular duties. Maybe I could... Read more →

Cats

[Insert song from Cats here. I know of none. Is "Cats in the Cradle" from Cats?] I took this of Lily yesterday when I was playing Blu with Edsel in the back yard. She's really an indoorswoman. Door's wide open... Read more →

Tea for the kittenman

When that stupid alarm goes off, here's what I usually do: My phone is often charging next to me, so I can get brain cancer or whatever later in life. I like to ensure my future. So I grab the... Read more →

Merry Christmas Edible

I thought of writing you during actual Christmas, but I figured you had enough to do without checking in on my ass. So here's how Christmas went, and I'm sure you're pulling the chair in closer so you don't miss... Read more →

June gives it up early. When I post this to FB, about 17 of my exes will nod their damn heads.

I'm just now forming the thought that all this time I've been feeding Steely Dan too much. I thought he was much younger, and those oh-so-easy-to-read instructions on his canned food said to feed him three times a day. But... Read more →

That's why the Juney is a tramp.

Why does Edsel have to go outside and bark bark bark? The neighbors must hate me. Can't he just enjoy outdoors? Sniff a rock and survey his domain in silence, the way Tallulah did? But no. Instead, he tears over... Read more →

June kvetches. How many posts start with that?

"That Santa is out in front of The Friendly Center," announced Ned on the phone. The Friendly Center is this outdoor shopping place that's probably been around since the '50s, and they keep adding elaborate stores like Apple and Anthropologie.... Read more →

Coffee break

"How rich was Mr. Howell, do you think?" I asked Ned. He was helping me do things, miserable things, around the house. "Really rich," said Ned. "In the opening credits, they called him The Millionaire. ...Of course, if he was... Read more →

Cat on a cold tile roof

(June blogs = you have something to read = avoid your families) Last weekend, I was helping Ned change his sheets because I ...sprinted over there. You know I like to do an early-morning long run on weekends. Actually, we... Read more →

Retro June

Yesterday at work I went back to copy editing. I asked if I could do so some months ago, and they said okay, but you have to wait till we get other editors in here, so I waited, and then... Read more →

Lily meowed the whole time I wrote this. Annoy.

Having a kitten isn't as much fun as they tell you it's gonna be. I'd like to speak to the manager (swings horseshoe hair). Anyway. Why would you even WANT to attack the paper towel roll? At least it wasn't... Read more →

The Most Interesting Woman in the World. Pfft.

You may not have noticed, but yesterday was Halloween. Well, it was. Sorry if it slipped your radar. Anyway, several of my coworkers dressed as Griff, my curmudgeonly coworker. They all have his best sayings on a stick, plus they... Read more →

Pit act-shun

Today's another Astonishing June-Hair Day. Iris can't even look at me. See what I did, there? I really need a new back door. The bottom's all rotted off, and have I mentioned how broke? What unexpected car purchase? What two... Read more →

Today I can't think of a title. Post-migraine fog.

I had this snappy plastic lid that I used to cover the other half of Steely Dan's canned food, as he eats half a can at a time. Correction: he WOLFS half a can at a time. There's no trouble... Read more →

June's going to kiss you. She won't even wait.

I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to... Read more →

Sloe Gin. Take it easy.

This weekend, I went to this antique shop I like-- ...aaaaaand I just bit my canker sore. GODDAMMIT. I've been eating a lot of tomatoes, so naturally then I got a canker sore, and it won't go away, till finally... Read more →

I hate it when I forget a title

I'm having a smoothie. It's migraine-diet approved. It involves frozen strawberries and blueberries, yogurt and milk and flaxseed, plus also special guest star: banana. This diet is a pain in my ass, because it involves not eating at the salad... Read more →

Her-dy-GERD-y

Here is what Edsel has done every morning of his damn life: He bounds out of bed, tears down the hall, and bursts out the back door. I open the big back door quickly and he uses his head to... Read more →

It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday

Yes, I'm posting on Saturday. Hello! {hello hello hello hello} Echo! {echo echo echo echo} I don't know why I bother. But hello, one and a half people who are homebound for whatever reason. I guess now that it's half... Read more →