Bye Bye, Pie!

Facing June Addiction

Yesterday, I got up early to go to the allergy doctor. I hurried around, and tore over there to be on time, and when I got there, right at 8:00? They were closed. I walked up to the door and... Read more →

June gives it up early. When I post this to FB, about 17 of my exes will nod their damn heads.

I'm just now forming the thought that all this time I've been feeding Steely Dan too much. I thought he was much younger, and those oh-so-easy-to-read instructions on his canned food said to feed him three times a day. But... Read more →

"I Supervised June." A scathing guest post by my boss, fmr.

When I first became June’s boss, she brought up the idea of me writing a guest post for her blog—a whole “I Supervised June” thing. I said sure. Now I’m not her boss, and I have time to write the... Read more →

How many of them hormone pills you been takin', honey?

The dog and Lily are on their needy chair, Iris is meowing to go out because busy season, so all is right with the world, other than the part where I just said, "the dog." Singular. The dog. I don't... Read more →

Nah nah nah nah

My friend Paula sent me this, and there is just...yeah, I can't begin. Okay, no, I really can begin. The filthy hippie, that dynamo behind them clapping her hands, THAT WOMAN'S SWEATER, the dummy! Oh, god, the dummy. The choreography.... Read more →

She died doing what she loved...

My head is killing me, and despite today's title, I'm not dead but I wish I were. I've had this damn migraine on and off since Thursday, and today it's bad bad bad. As Olivia Soprano used to say, I... Read more →

Blue song

Let me tell you what life is like when I'm doing one of these statistics textbooks. I get up in the morning and try to get a little of it done before work. Then I work at my actual job,... Read more →

June complains. I know! It's like a unicorn sighting.

See? I knew hearing about everyone's sex life would be riveting. How many of you felt bad because of it? Several people emailed me to say hearing about how often others are having sex made them feel bad. Some wondered... Read more →

June joins the workforce. And comes up with words like "inhibitionslessness."

Oh thank all that is holy and merciful, I have a job again. My fake workplace, the place that'd laid me off in the first place and for whom I've been freelancing since September, asked me to come back for... Read more →

The fundamental things apply. As Long Island Medium goes by.

lu go pit on mom azz, she put dis on blowg I love it when her lips do stupid things. I also enjoy how she has cat fur on her snout. This might be her own fault, seeing as she... Read more →

In which June gongs a cowbell

I AM DONE WITH THAT STATISTICS BOOK!!!!!!! Read more →

Working June checks in

I have to dash, because I have to scream over to my old workplace and fill out some papers before I scream over to my old, old workplace and work. Dude, I know. You think I don't know? Because I... Read more →

June is brief.

I slept late and I have to go to the dentist, because I know how to throw down on a Thursday. To summarize life lately: 1. Iris is not better, despite giving her Clavamox for two weeks, which she really... Read more →

June. No longer a drain on society.

Well, I have a job. I got a job at the I-wore-two-earrings-to-the-interview place, and who knew they'd hire someone who did such a thing? The HR woman there is really nice, so I told her about the earrings. "See?" she... Read more →

Casual depression at its' finest

I am totally extra super giant depressed. I found out today that I did not get that job, the one I took a test for a few weeks back. I SUCK. This is the third editing test I've taken wherein... Read more →

Green Bean. Also, Brooks bought me a mink. Did I mention Brooks? Mink? Brooks?

You wanna know what's weird about Edsel? Well. I mean, we'd be here all day. But you wanna know one thing that's weird about Edsel? (And YES. I CALLED THE VET about his eyes. Waiting for call back.) One thing... Read more →

Here we are now. Entertain us.

I know this is a weird time for me to, you know, blog, but I did as much work as I could, then I did my Tracy Morgan or whoever DVD and THEN I did my TM, and now I... Read more →

Despair!

I have many issues, pressing issues of our time, to get to today. My dogs' playdate, and yes the word "playdate" irritates me; the winnah of the caption contest; the new comment of the week; my fancy nomination for best... Read more →

June returns from her job interview. Not that I was there all night.

I'm really not the world's best speller. I'm not. I mean, I don't do that thing where I spell definitely "definately" or anything, and I use the right form of "there" and all that, but when it comes to always... Read more →

Margaret Thatcher stalks June

So as I was SAYING, before my stupid stupid stupid post went MISSING yesterday, I have a statistics textbook that I have to copy edit due on Monday, and man. Am I ever on top of that. Because I haven't... Read more →

In which June is fat and incompetent and obsessed with her pets. In other words, nothing is new.

I am so sick of my fat ass I could puke. Seriously. This is the fattest I've ever been, and I was blaming it on my migraine meds, but lately I've been taking my migraine meds every other day to... Read more →

June works hard for the $

I am home from my first day at work. Please note that I am typing this at twenty to 6:00, and I have let the dogs out, talked on the phone, changed clothes and put in an Amy's Burrito to... Read more →

June is no longer a drain on society. Well. Sort of.

I HAVE A JOB! A JOB! A jay oh beee! Oh, what a relief. And yes, it is at the place that fed me ice cream during the interview. Yay! I will get fatter than ever! I start May 2,... Read more →

Cause I'm free! Freelancing!

I cannot blog today because I am freelancing on-site all day. As opposed to the outta site proofreading I usually do. BAH! Anyway, because I have to go shower and put on real clothes (as opposed to the virtual clothes... Read more →

Winging it

I was in the yard raking feathers, as you do, because this happened: Does anyone remember when Tallulah used to be the jerky dog? Do you? Remember when she ate my Chicago Manual of Style? And my favorite childhood book... Read more →

Hire me and my Meridith Baxter hair

I am sitting here in my interview suit, like that's just something you sit around the house in, as though I were starring in a Lifetime Television for Women movie. Which I kind of am, lately. She Loved Her Pets... Read more →

In which animal services might need to be phoned

There's this company that I have wanted to call me for weeks, and just a few minutes ago I had a giant piece of chicken in my mouth and the phone rang. I thought, "Oh, this'll be the time that... Read more →

It's noon somewhere. Like, here.

I just got up. What am I, 17? I had to work last night, at my old workplace, and I didn't get home till 1:45. I am a night owl, is what I am. They called me, my old workplace,... Read more →

Everyone resents Marvin, and June becomes a lesbian trophy wife

Tallulah is so.totally.over. Marvin and his snow days. "make dadee go." We are on DAY FOUR of Marvin not having to work, and the roads are FINE. You have never met a wimpier place than the South. Anyway, Marvin is... Read more →

Pieces of--oh, screw it

I interrupt this important what-flavor-ice-cream would you be Pieces of Wisdom for an important announcement. I got laid off. Crap. About 30 of us did, from what I understand. We lost a big client at work--at EX-work--and when they told... Read more →

Just put your lips together and blow

This is one of my favorite scenes from a movie. It's Almost Famous. Marvin worked on this movie. I got to go to the wrap party. He told me people got all dressed up for wrap parties, so I wore... Read more →