Bye Bye, Pie!

Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.

Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal,... Read more →

June gives it up early. When I post this to FB, about 17 of my exes will nod their damn heads.

I'm just now forming the thought that all this time I've been feeding Steely Dan too much. I thought he was much younger, and those oh-so-easy-to-read instructions on his canned food said to feed him three times a day. But... Read more →

The mother and childish reunion

In a fit of fiscal responsibility, I canceled my cable about a week ago, and then last night I realized I was gonna miss the intellectually stimulating Real Housewives of Orange Country reunion special. I wasn't even gonna see Ned... Read more →

June goes downtown, which is not a euphemism

Yesterday I had to go to a building downtown to attend an all-day meeting. This is the view from the balcony behind the building. Went out there to smoke my 'rette. Man, I was having a nicotine fit. It was... Read more →

Undercover June

Morning. Do I sound intimidating? I've been watching a lot of Undercover Boss, and thank god my weekends mean a lot lately. Undercover Boss is where a CEO or president or whatever hoo-hah of a major company (7-Eleven, 1-800-Flowers, Waste... Read more →

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There are two birds singing outside the window, and some sort of low-buzzing bug. Nope, there's a crow. So now it's three kinds of birds. Iris is quietly eating in the kitchen window. There's a plate of homemade wishes on... Read more →

A loafing June, a jug of La Croix, and thou

I got a lot accomplished this weekend, and by "accomplished," I mean I watched 10 hours of the new season of Orange is the New Black. I'm kind of disappointed in myself that I didn't get all 13 episodes in,... Read more →

Can o'snake ass

Oh, look! We still have boxes in here! How do, like, Army people do this, where they move all the ding-dang time? It's so taxing. But it really is nice to be here, at home, rather than a whole 'nother... Read more →

Crying with Wolves

I just woke up, which is dreadful. You know what's dreadful-ler? People who BOUND out of bed. There is no reason for those people, other than that we need firemen. My point is, I got coffee, and brought the wolves... Read more →

June. Peeping surreptitiously since 2006.

My last post mentioned my good deeds project. If you want to participate, two important things: Read the post before this to participate, and tell me you're in on the project there, not here. You can see only 100 comments... Read more →

Ban de Soliel, for the Saginaw tan

Well, it's back to work today. My water and I are back to work. By the way, I still look completely the same. It's day five! Shouldn't I be miraculously young-looking and incredibly hydrated by now? Instant gratification takes too... Read more →

First prize

Since I joined Weight Watchers on Feb. 28, I have lost 7 pounds. Which, you know, yay. So on Sunday I had the day drinker try to pick me up in the parking lot of my pedicure salon, "salon" being... Read more →

Hold me in your armchair you can feel my disease

Last week, Ned told me people at his workplace were sick and missing work, and on Friday night when we were out, he said, "I feel a little something in my throat, but with MY great diet and MYYYYYY workout... Read more →

Cubism

God, I love coffee. Don't you? I have never understood those soda-in-the-morning people. Blech. June's blog. Getting shut off one-handedly while people hold their Diet Cokes in the other hand, since 2013. I do, though. I love it. And I... Read more →

Upstream

I have to be at work--work work, not fake work, and yay!--in 20 minutes, so I must hurry. I went out with Ned last night, to the salmon salad place we like. I usually eat half of that giant salad... Read more →

Tyrannosaurus Ned

I meant to write sooner today, but apparently MTV feels the need to distract me with retro episodes of The Real World, in particular The Real World Las Vegas from 2002. "Trishelle's hawt." There's this poor awkward kid from the... Read more →

The Diary of June Gardens

I just kind of feel like I'm the only one who cares when The Real Housewives comes on. These animals don't understand that it's the most important show of our lifetime. And SEASON FINALE AND REUNION SHOW NEXT WEEK!!!! dyingdyingdying!... Read more →

Greensboro Medium, or sometimes Large, if it runs small.

You know, every workday morning, the alarm goes off, and I hit snooze, and Lily is on top of me, and I hit snooze again and my POINT is, every time I get here to blog I go, MOTHER OF... Read more →

In which June rambles. Surprise!

Last night, Ned and I discussed whether Wilona on Good Times was the first female promiscuous neighbor. I mean, you had Mr. Bentley and you had Larry on Three's Company. They were always coming home and talking about their dates.... Read more →

I think I was talking about Lulu, and how it must've sucked to be around all the other pretty Hee Haw actresses. Is how that got started.

I got no time to talk to you, girl. I just got back from the vet, where Edsel had his stitches removed. not to do to edz agan, mom. He had a reaction to his sutures, they call them "sutures"... Read more →

Green Bean. Also, Brooks bought me a mink. Did I mention Brooks? Mink? Brooks?

You wanna know what's weird about Edsel? Well. I mean, we'd be here all day. But you wanna know one thing that's weird about Edsel? (And YES. I CALLED THE VET about his eyes. Waiting for call back.) One thing... Read more →

Rain hair

Girl, I got no time to talk today. I am meeting Dot Dot Dot Friend, and I like how that's become his name, for lunch at noon, and it's 10:23 and guess who just woke up 23 minutes ago? So... Read more →

Totally a Katie Girl

Good gravy, I love Sex and the City so much. Read more →

You only have one nondoughnut hand. Use it wisely.

That title comes from my Krispy Kreme cup which is currently on my desk. Let's discuss the part where I just got an effing doughnut and yet also just spent $104 on The Tracy Anderson Method after watching an infomercial... Read more →

Lip gloss. It's my prerogative.

Yesterday at work I had to fast till my blood test at 10:10. No human has had to endure more torment. How is it a clock can move so slowly? Oh, I was hungry. Seriously. Kwashiorkor was setting in. Sally... Read more →

In which the Feenies and DeFazios are mentioned a bit often

Marvin suggested I paint black spots on Edsel and give HIM to the firemen for saving my life the other day. Now, see? That's why Marvin makes the big dollars. Allllways thinking. What a valuable asset to a fire Edsel... Read more →

A linear, one-subject post. As per usual.

I did not mean to insert this photo. Typepad has some cockamamie new thing where they present photos to me really small, but anyway I love this picture as it pretty much sums up my while world. Edsel being involved... Read more →

June touches on the many important topics of the day

must you bozzer. bizzy being gray. I love how it seems like Anderson Cooper is a solid gray cat, but really he is stripey. He is Fruit Stripe gum. Except his flavor lasts. Fruit Stripe was always such a disappointment... Read more →

In which June is stuck on the word "appalled"

The angry chair has brought out the anger in my kittens. I wonder what Francis would think of this? I think he'd have been appalled. And perhaps cranky. Also? Nice cornhole, Roger. In other news, I will always turn up... Read more →

Goin' to the chapel. Which is 8593055 miles long.

Oh, isn't this the best day ever?! When my alarm went off at 4:50, Tallulah was all, "You have got to be joking." She lifted her head off the pillow, rolled her eyes at me, and went back to bed.... Read more →

Come back tomorrow for wedding talk

In an effort to avoid doing my statistics textbook proofreading, which by the way I have already spent more than FIFTY HOURS on already, I finally fixed the webcam: Except the part where I haven't figured out how to make... Read more →